What is going on??

[hereisaquestion]

So my (ex)boyfriend and I dated for 2 and a half years. We started dating when we were 18 and we are now 21.

 

When we met we honestly fell so in love with each other so quickly. We were inseparable and had amazing times when we were together no matter what we were doing. He'd go out of his way to spend time with me whenever possible. Numerous times we'd talk about how we were going to be together forever.

 

The last year of our relationship was a rough year. We were fighting a lot and just weren't happy like we used to be. Our whole relationship, my boyfriend was completely head over heels for me. Everyone who knew us and knew him knew how in love with me he was and that he'd do anything for me and anything to be with me. He used to do the most romantic and spontaneous things for me, anything to make me smile and make me happy. He was great. I, however, had a lot of relationship issues. I was raised by a very very insecure mother who was always thinking my step-dad was cheating and always thought she needed to keep him on a tight leash and basically under her control. This is what I saw as a relationship and so I became very controlling in my own relationship. I'd get upset when he'd converse with other girls, when he'd want to go out with his friends, when he'd want to do anything without me. I'd get very jealous and I'd worry that he was putting something above me in his life. I always wanted to be sure I was his #1. Essentially, I was so afraid of losing him, when I never should have been because he was the type of man who would never hurt me and never leave me. I just didn't see it. So we fought a lot because I'd freak out over stupid things. And every argument he'd end up apologizing and telling me not to leave and telling me things will change and we'll be happy again. That was the past year of our relationship in a nutshell.

 

A couple months ago, we got into another heated argument, and I again threatened the relationship and said we were over. Only this time, he actually did it... he ended things on facebook, as immature as that sounds, without even talking to me about it and he took off to visit his sister for the weekend, again without even talking to me or telling me. When I realized he ended things I called him and got very emotional and he just kept saying he can't do it anymore and I broke his heart and I destroyed him, etc. I apologized time and time again saying I know I was wrong and I don't want to be that person and I want to be happy with him and he needs to give me a chance because I can show him that we can be happy. He kept saying he just can't and he needs to be on his own. We stopped talking for a few days, then we started talking again and I kept saying how sorry I was and how much I missed him and how much I was in love with him. I took full responsibility for my actions and told him I messed up and I just want a chance to show him I can change. We were on and off with talking and we saw each other a couple times. Each time he held strong to the fact that he can't be with me right now and he thinks we need to rebuild starting with friendship. I didn't agree at first, then I agreed and tried being his friend. He, however, kept bringing up the past and kept saying how hurt he was and that he wanted to marry me and I messed him up so bad. I replied that we need to stop living in the past and we both deserve to be happy whether it's with each other or with someone new (I thought maybe this would make him realize he wants to be with me). He said he hopes we can find our way back to each other. Then he started ignoring me again and not responding to my texts. And all I saw was him meeting all these different girls and whatnot. So I texted him saying something along the lines of "you seem so hurt while your meeting so many new girls. I deserve so much better, I'm done for good, you made a huge mistake". I heard nothing from him so about 2 weeks later I text him asking how he is cause I haven't talked to him in a while (trying to be civil), still no response... so I told him he disrespected me more than I've ever been disrespected and he never even loved me if he's able to treat me this way. Still no response. That was about 2 weeks ago. So all in all I haven't heard anything from him in about a month. He's deleted all our pictures together from his facebook and I guess he's just been going out and drinking and whatnot. I just don't know how he could do this to someone he was supposedly so in love with. How could he just not want to have any closure? How can he just forget all the good times and just ignore me and delete me out of his life? I know I started a majority of our arguments and I had my issues but a relationship is a 2-way street and it's like he's just trying to put all the blame on me and make me feel so crappy about myself while he gets off like the perfect one. I just can't believe he can so quickly flip the switch like he did and go from being so in love with me and wanting to make things work by any means, to just ending things and ignoring me. If you love someone, and they're telling you that they messed up and that they want to change, wouldn't you want to give them that chance? I just don't know what's going on in his head and what he's thinking and why he's doing what he's doing to me.

 

So sorry this was so long but it's been driving me crazy for months now and I'm just not me anymore. I now realize how happy he made me, but the way he's behaving now makes me wonder if he ever even did truly love me. I don't know. I'm just so lost and confused.

[jormungand]

i'm in the same boat, minus all the fighting. we've never even had a petty argument, but i was left the same way you were. ignored for weeks and now she's back with her abusive ex and refuses to talk to me.

 

i really don't know what to tell you as i'm struggling to find my own answers here. i'm really sorry that you have to go through this though.