atarisboy86 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Hi everyone, I've been lurking on this forum for a few days and finally decided to post. I have been seeing this girl, we'll call her K, for a period of about five months. It hasn't been the greatest of relationships, but with the bad, there has also been some good. Things started off ok, there was was a lot of chemistry between us and of course intimacy entered the equation and it was even better, or so it appeared at the time. We decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend and I started spending a lot of time with her. I would spend the night or she would spend the night almost on a nightly basis. It progressed very quickly. I had ended another relationship a few months prior to meeting K and it seemed like K was a breath of fresh air and everything was great. She was fun, she liked to go out and have fun, we'd go to bars and casinos, it was just all around great. It seemed like nothing was wrong until one day. She went out with a mutual friend of ours sometime in mid May, and said she was going to spend the night our friend's house. It turns out that she didn't spend the night there and instead stayed the night at a male friend's house, we'll call him J, who she had previously told me she had hooked up with. I was able to look past it when she told me that nothing happened, although in the back of my mind I assumed the worst had happened. We were good to go for another period of time, until one day in early June, she was at the casino and drinking quite a bit, I left her there as I had to go, and I get a text "I'm going to J's house, hate me or not". I called her and told her to stop this and go home. She made me out to be the bad guy as she was going to be drinking and driving,etc, etc. Things were on and off again for a period of time, around 4th of July, we had a break up and reconciliation within a two day period. Things continued until I was to head off to New York City for a week vacation. As she was driving me to the airport, she put gas in the car and I see her phone vibrate and a text message from J shows up 'Hey I want you to come over to my house sometime this week"...I read the other messages(yes I invaded the privacy), and she was sending suggestive messages as well. I confronted her and she was upset, I ended up having her take me home and I drove myself to the airport. I get to the airport and she apologizes, saying I blew everything out of proportion, etc, etc. We agree to talk when I get back. I'm in NYC, and we're talking. I had borrowed her laptop to take to NYC with me. I opened the browser and her Facebook was logged in. I read some of the messages and found more explicit messages she was sending to another guy, let's call him R. Very sexually explicit and I decided I didn't want anything to do with her. I called her out on her bs and went NC. That lasted a period of four days when she called me on her birthday crying that she didn't have friends, etc, etc. I got back to CA the end of July and went to her place. We talked and I told her I was not going to be putting up with her talking to either of these guys again. It was either talk to them or keep me as a bf. She agreed she would stop talking to them and she did. Things were going well. We were getting along greater than ever. She had quit her smoking (which I detested) and curtailed her drinking as well. I was happy with the way that she was acting and she appeared happy as well. Two weekends ago, we went to Laughlin and had a great time with one another. We both had drinks, enjoyed the gambling and just a great time. That next Monday, she gets a call from an ex bf's number, she didn't answer but I looked on her friend's list on her Facebook and noticed this guy was her friend. I asked why she would be friends with an ex on Facebook but be afraid of answering his calls? To make a long story short, that royally pissed her off that I would 'question' her and not trust her. She kept me in a state of limbo for approximately two days until mid day Wednesday when she told me I had to move anything I had in her house out. I did just that and did so without saying much. I was upset but I kept my composure the best that I could. I went NC until she called me and I stupidly answered her call. We went out for drinks with a few mutual friends, the entire time she was very suggestive with me. I ended up going home and she went her own way. She called me the next morning, hungover and just talking nonsense. Later that evening I get text messages saying how she misses me and loves me. I replied and didn't get too involved. I asked what she wanted and she said she didn't want a relationship but she still loved me very much. I said ok, well I don't know that I can do that. We had breakfast together on that Monday following the breakup, I acted like a total friend and she was very affectionate telling me she loved me, kissing me, etc. I asked her later that night was was going on and she said she didn't know. That Wednesday, a week after the breakup, I ended up going to her house. I wanted to hang out and we ended up being intimate with one another. It was a mistake because while there was passion, at the end it was like I was just another fwb for her. The next morning I tell her I can't do this and I need time for myself. I lasted four days until she called me from a concert and she emailed me the next day and played a total guilt trip on me. I called and we hung out Monday, just a few days ago. I stayed the night and again she was affectionate and lovey dovey, etc. I asked her where we stood. She told me she had hooked up with a few guys (both J and R from previously) since the breakup, and I told her I did the same with a girl. She became upset and I told her it was hypocritical of her to do so. I said I'll commit to you, but she didn't want to. She wanted to 'take things slow'. I said I will if you cut off ties with those guys again and work on you and me and resolving our issues without involving anyone else. She said ok. I wavered on the idea, especially after seeing a Facebook post of her's that said 'Not being able to get what you want sucks! Do I keep what I can have or wait for what I want?". This was a total dig at me and when I asked her she made it out to be my fault for taking this seriously, saying it was a mistake for her to post it, etc that we were ok and going to work on us. I said ok. Yesterday, I decided I should go NC again. I texted her and then immediately regretted doing so. I did my best to make it up and convinced her we should hang out. She had been drinking all day and when we met up, I was under the assumption and she had hinted of me staying the night with her and hanging out. As we are driving she tells me how that R guy was so much more mature than I was and how I think I'm mature but I'm really not, etc, etc. She is texting him the entire time and I'm like wtf? She asks if I'll be fine to drive home and she says that she isn't staying the night at her place. I assume she's going to stay the night at R's place as she probably got an invite for a fwb session. I tell her to stop and that we're supposed to be hanging out, then she goes into detail of the sexually explicit texts they were sending each other. We end up getting into a bit of a discussion and she starts yelling and walks out. I offer to give her a ride and as we're riding she's yelling at me, saying that I don't know what I want that I have changed my mind too many times and she's done. I try to explain myself but I'm told that I'm annoying her, that I need to grow up, if she had a gun she would shoot me, I'm undecided, I'm immature, I have trust issues, I'm controlling, etc, etc. I drop her off and start to head into her house she makes another scene, yelling and yelling louder at me to stay away to stop following her, etc, etc. I left. This morning I got a text saying well it's over after last night, I owe you money how do I get the money to you, etc. I didn't respond so an hour later she sends me a text asking if I'm going to answer. I give her my address and tell her to mail it there. She asks if I'm going to say anything else and I stupidly did, and we ended up having a text discussion, It ends with her calling me immature, saying I wanted things too fast, that I just cared about myself...I told her to not contact me again and we kept going a bit longer and it ended with her telling me to never contact her again. I know this was a toxic relationship from the first time she broke my trust, but I saw potential and was looking to overcome that and move forward and hopefully fix it. I never fully trusted her and that should have been a warning sign. Things were good for a period of about three months together and then this happened. Where do I move forward from here? I want to say that I will keep this NC going on with her 'forever' or at least for a very long time, but I don't know if she'll try to contact me again once this R guy gets tired of her bs and moves onto someone else. How do I heal from this? I feel like I was always apologizing for things and things that weren't always my fault. I feel lost and I feel like the bad guy but I hate that feeling as I know I wasn't the one that completely caused this break up. I know I want to be strong and make sure that I do follow through on the NC this time around. Any suggestions? Thanks everyone on the Love Shack community.
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