apdelga Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 [color=orange][/color] Dear All, First and formost I'm in here not to be judged but to accept help from anyone that has an open mind and has been trough the same. My husband left me two years ago, we had issues that he gave up working on them, we have three beautiful kids now ages 8,7 and 4. All this time I have failed to find anyone to love me or like me until I found a new job. There a men caught my attention, an older men which I have never been attracted to older men before, he is American and 43 and I'am 27 Latina, I did not know he was married until it was too late for me, I was already head overhills, according to him he is happily married to a 51 year old, he told me I was filling a void, he is very busy at work and the only time we were able to spend were an hour 2 or 3 times a week, that was enough for me, I never wanted him to leave his wife, all I wanted was a lil time for me. He went on a trip and came back and called it quicks stating " he had not enough time for me and it was unfair to me" we were together for 3 months. How do I get over this when he is so close to me at work? I see him everyday, he sits next to me only a cubicle away, I need to forget this men and move on, can anyone tell me how too? All I seem to atract are married older men, I want a single men, young about my age to love me and care for me, why is it so hard to find him? I truely believe is because Im curvy, I'm over 30 pound my ideal weight, yet I don't look bad, I want a men to like me just as Iam why is it so superficial now a days? I hope someone out there can help me deal with this situation, god bless you
Fancy Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 Your married boyfriend is right; you're filling a void. Period. Nothing more. There is no future there for you. If you're serious about ending things with him (which I doubt is true at this point) you need to change jobs. Working with him every day is going to be nearly impossible. If you absolutely can't change jobs, is there any way you can transfer to a new department? You say you want someone to love you as you are, but that's never going to happen as long as you're tied to this unavailable man. Get yourself out there and meet new (single) people. Join a gym, head to the bookstore, get involved in a volunteer organization, or take a night class. You have a lot going for you but you're doing nothing more than spinning your wheels right now. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Author apdelga Posted May 17, 2004 Author Posted May 17, 2004 Thank you so much for your reply. Sadly I can't change jobs at this time, I will try and concentrate on different things. We are not togheter anymore, we don't speak to each other, we haven't done so in three weeks and I plan to keep it this way. I have joined a gym and I have posted my profile on match.com and tickle.com, yet again for some reason all the replies I get are from married men, or very old men (on the 50's or so). You are absolutely right that there is no future there, and I will someday see him as a regular co-worker, I guess I need time to pass by and kill everything slowly, I did learn a lesson. God bless you and thank you once again for your reply.
Fancy Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 Joining the gym and not talking to him is a positive step forward. Good for you! Yes, it will take time, but it's much better to go through a little pain now and heal rather than be strung along for months (or years) and continue hurting. In your online ads, can you state in there that you're looking for single men only? I think married men use those dating sites more than the single ones do. Please don't get hooked up with another horny predator. Find someone worthy of you!
Savanah Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 You are worth more than that!!!! Good for you taking positive actions toward bettering yourself. It sounds to me that in your first post you based your worth on having someone to love you. I know it is hard to live without that, believe me, but it WILL come to you if you spend some time on you. You need to be a whole person before you can join into a union with another whole person, a single whole person that is. You want to be loved for you, NOT used to fill a void from a person that is not whole. Get to know yourself first, then you will know how much you have to offer another person, and better yet, what you need them to offer you in a relationship
Author apdelga Posted May 20, 2004 Author Posted May 20, 2004 Thank you so much for your reply and your kind words and your advise, you are right, I will do that I need to accept and truely love myself before I can actually love someone else.. take care and thank you
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