l_o_v_e Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I want to know if I chose to return to my BF, should I also tell him that I slept with my ex husband? Or should I keep that to myself? My Story: First off I would like to say that I left my BF because I felt that he wa behaving much like my ex husband right before I left him, and I felt like, "Man, I shouldn't stick around to let this happen to me again" so I moved out. He has changed since then and realized what he was doing for the past YEAR. I am going to be on my own for a while so I may get my thoughts and feelings straight. Other hand, My ex and I had sex, and afterwards it felt right...i don't know if it was the fact that we were together so long, if it was because we had a child together, or if it is because we have such strong cemestry or what. So, then a couple weeks later, we fought, and it felt just like when were still married, like as if nothing changed, and he still doesn't value me or value my needs. So all of this is heavy, and I really want to try and make things work with my BF. I am wondering if things work out with my BF if I should tell him that I ever slept with my ex husband, for I fear he would be out of my life for ever, and I don't know if I could handle that. Even if I were in my BF shoes, I would actually understand because I wasn't providing what needed to be provided. I would be upset because she would take so long to tell me the truth, but I believe in the end, this indiscretion is not worth a lifetime without oneanother. So any thoughts???
Owl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I think that you can't build an honest, loving, long-term relationship on deception, even if just by omission. Tell him the truth BEFORE you start to resume a relationship with him...give him the choice to be with you or not, based on that information up front. It'll either make your relationship stronger...or show you that it wasn't meant to be.
drifter777 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 ...but I believe in the end, this indiscretion is not worth a lifetime without oneanother. So any thoughts??? Then don't tell him. I know this will be a minority opinion and other posters will tell you to be open and honest and they may be right. However, my opinion is to simply do what most women do; lie to him for the rest of your life. He probably will never discover this truth so why put him, and yourself, through the pain of dealing with this thing for the next God-knows-how-many years?
nofool4u Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) So basically you left your bf because you say he was acting like your X, but then go sleep with your X who exhibits the behaviors you left your bf for. You had sex with X, decided, "nah, not for me", so you are going back to the backburner bf after you tested the waters with your X. hmmm. If I were your bf, I sure wouldn't want to be 2nd choice only to be left hanging until you decided you didn't want the X. Not fun being the choice of default. Here is the problem. Do you tell him? If you don't, and he finds out, your bf, whether you were together or not, would be within his rights to be pissed. Why you ask when you were broken up? Because you have a child with this X and proven that when the going gets tough, there is chemistry still with the X and you still have to have contact with the X because of your kids. Not a position most men are going to want to be in. So I think you should tell him and let him make up his own mind if he can trust you not to get wet around your X. Otherwise, until you have shed all and any feelings for your X, you really shouldn't be putting another man in the position of having a gf that gets hot about her X. I believe in the end, this indiscretion is not worth a lifetime without oneanother. that shouldn't be your decision to make for him. and if it were a matter of one indiscretion while broken up, then fine. but this man is someone you will have to be around because of your kids. much different. Edited October 13, 2011 by nofool4u
nofool4u Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Then don't tell him. I know this will be a minority opinion and other posters will tell you to be open and honest and they may be right. However, my opinion is to simply do what most women do; lie to him for the rest of your life. He probably will never discover this truth so why put him, and yourself, through the pain of dealing with this thing for the next God-knows-how-many years? wait til she gets the itch when she has to be around the X.
Bugz Bunny Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 No one deserves to live in a lie...show some respect for this man and tell him the truth because he deserves to know....
Bryanp Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 So I suppose if your boyfriend has slept with anybody then you would not want to know either? Look you either have a relationship based on honesty and respect or lies and deceit. The choice is yours. You need to tell him.
MilfinBerle Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 l o v e, say nothing and continue to have sex with both of them. Per your master plan.
confusedinkansas Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 If you & your boyfriend were on a break then what difference is it what you did? When folks break up & then get back together THINGS happen during break ups. Were you supposed to just sit by & WAIT until the BF got his act together? I say No. I also say No you shouldn't tell him. You never know what he did during the break either.
reboot Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Doesn't he deserve to know who he's been with?
nofool4u Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 If you & your boyfriend were on a break then what difference is it what you did? normally I'd agree. but since she will be seeing her X on a regular basis because of the kids, he deserves to know. if it were anyone else, it would be different. but it isn't fair to him to have a woman that will be in constant contact with a guy she banged on some short little break so she can figure out herself, and has "chemistry" with and get hot for. if she doesn't tell him, this poor guy will unknowingly be with a woman that is going to have constant contact with a guy she has a sexual attraction to, has acted on it, and is a good chance she'll act on it again.
nofool4u Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Doesn't he deserve to know who he's been with? I think the boyfriend should create another "break", have sex with someone, then continue to see that person on a regular basis and see how l_o_v_e likes it. because thats the situation she is putting her bf in.
StoneCold Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) Whats the point in telling other than to create unnecessary hassle for yourself.....you were broken up when it happened.....all bets off the table....you dont have to tell him anything. He shouldnt have any expectations during that period anyways....most likely didnt...and you have no idea what h may have been up to as well Edited October 14, 2011 by StoneCold
nofool4u Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Whats the point in telling other than to create unnecessary hassle for yourself.....you were broken up when it happened.....all bets off the table....you dont have to tell him anything. He shouldnt have any expectations during that period anyways....most likely didnt...and you have no idea what h may have been up to as well question is, did her bf have sex with someone on break that he admits he has "chemistry" with, and will be seeing her on a regular basis once OP and his relationship resume?
nofool4u Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 so now I just read where you cheated on your X husband. so now I'm definitely in favor of you telling the BF. these poor unsuspecting men need to know the kind of woman they are about to become involved with.
Space Ritual Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Even if I were in my BF shoes, I would actually understand because I wasn't providing what needed to be provided. I would be upset because she would take so long to tell me the truth, but I believe in the end, this indiscretion is not worth a lifetime without oneanother. So any thoughts??? yeah I have one... You are so full of crap your teeth are floating...
bigmomma1974 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I was in this situation once, I told the other man,I had sex withsomeone while we where split. I think this is a question only you can answer. some say tell others say don't tell. You didn't cheat on the boyfriend you where split up and your not with him again yet so take this time figure out what you want and then decide if the boyfriend needs to know. I dont see what you did wrong and rightfully in my opinion it isn't anyones bu siness who you sleep with when your single.
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