Hair-bear Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half, and I absolutley adore this girl. Being that we're both in college, we decided to take a break for a month over the summer while i went on a road trip. Of course durring the course of the break I did have a fling, purely sexual, and I havent seen this individual since. While on my trip, I found out that my girlfriend had been in a threesome with some of her friends (a girl and a guy). I was devestated, but knew I had no right to continue feeling victimized, since i was just as guilty. I guess what bothers me the most now is that I have no idea who these "friends" of hers are.The worst part is that she still hangs out with them! I've found myself to be insecure, constantly asking who she's been hanging out with, what she's been up to, and so forth. I know its not right, but I dont know how to feel. I feel disrespected that she's still hanging out with these people who's shes been intimate with, yet also feel ashamed for my lack of confidence and insecurity. I love this girl dearly, i want to make her happy, but not with my dignity on the line. WHat should I do?
Phantom24 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Let it go. Drop it, burry it and never return to it. I don't mean to downplay the events or your guy's fling, but you're both young and sometimes people do things that are out of character. Try to take a grown up perspective of things and teach yourself to not care about the 3some ordeal. Does your fling that you had reflect on how you feel about her? Then you gotta cut her the same slack and believe that her actions are just as meaningless. Feeling insecure is very common and will come and go regardless of how confident you are. Girls are very drawn to confident guys so if you can work on developing an attitude where things like this just don't rattle you, you're going to be better off. And as for who the friends were or any constant wondering you might find yourself doing - just try to let it go. You gotta have trust. Remember - it's not what you know, it's what you show. If she you guys have a endearing relationship then that counts significantly and I wouldn't worry about anything details or potential secrets she has. Let her be her. You just keep yourself focused, treat her well and if she is the right person for you - she is going to be responsive to this behavior. Don't sweat it. The worst thing you could do is develop this constant paranoia or keep questioning things to where every little thing needs to be validated. It may be important for you to find out who this couple was for 2 reasons - 1) to show some level of acceptance to project to her that you're not phased enough to stop caring for her and 2) so you don't have to feel uncomfortable everytime you're around people that may be that couple. But that call is up to you.
MonicaBlows Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 That's not going to help your relationship. You need to forget and continue your relationship or end your relationship and live a worry free life.
Symetrical-Siren Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Well, since you're both guilty of "playin" on the side, and they're still friends......I'd say ask her if you can meet them. Be open minded. You never know. There are plenty of "swinging" couples out there. You don't have to be a gay or Bi man to swap ladies either. If you really want to hang on to her, it's not fair to restrict her freedom and expect her to let them go for you. Even if she were to agree to that, if she REALLY likes them, she could end up resenting you for making her do that. Resentment is a BIG TIME relationship killer. So, get together and have fun. Good luck, I hope everything works out for the better.
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