SisterMidnight Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hi, new poster here wondering if I could get some advice about an ongoing problem I've got. My father left us when I was very young and he has never acknowledged me as being his. My mother was abused by him both physically and mentally which is what led to the breakup of the marriage. Its extremely unlikely that she did have an affair, given the fact she was beaten black and blue practically every weekend they were married (not sure if many people are attracted to people with extensive bruising, or how keen the victim is of showing that off, but that's another story)... There has been a long history of drug and alcohol abuse by him as well, though throughout my lifetime, if he did catch up with us (mainly to see my older siblings who he does acknowledge), he would include me in any outings or anything like that, so there were many mixed messages all throughout my childhood. Things came to a head about five years ago when he had a huge falling out with one of my older siblings (the one he is closest to), he was obviously upset about this as he responded by sending me about a 10 page letter which was an absolutely huge rant, bitterly insulting everyone in our family and again stating categorically that I couldn't possibly be his daughter, as well as a lot of other personal and extremely hurtful things. (So this wasn't my fight, but I ended up bearing the brunt of it) I haven't had any contact with him since, but my older sibling has since reconciled with him and thinks I should do the same!! We both have kids, and they have a relationship with their grandfather whereas mine dont! (and one of my kids asks about him from time to time). What's upset me now is they are on holiday and have posted pics of it on facebook, I didn't prepare for it to hurt so much, but I feel like I've been betrayed not only by my father but my sibling (S1) as well. (my other sibling (S2)has cut our father out of his life as well). Even though they've been divorced for a number of years, even my mother apologises for his behaviour, its like they've all (apart from S2) got stockholm syndrome or something! I haven't discussed the contents of the letter he sent me with anyone, but I'm not the 'bad guy' for not wanting him in my life (and I'm wondering whether I want sibling (S1) in my life either! S1 thinks I;m just over-reacting and making too much of a deal about what has happened, I think it shows a total lack of empathy by all of them as they weren't rejected in the way that I was, so they do'nt understand. The hurt this has caused has done massive damage to me over the years, and I know now that it caused a void in my life which I have tried to fill in various ways. This has led to me making some incredibly bad decisions, putting faith in people and getting hurt, actually EXPECTING to be rejected by those who are close to me, and not doing some of the things I really wanted to do in life... How do you overcome this? I know I probably need counselling, but is ther anything else I could do to try and help myself? I've been trying St johns wort lately and it only seems to make me more upset, I've been crying more than ever since starting it...I'm at a bit of a loss, any comments would be really appreciated and sorry about this being so long...
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