Scottdmw Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 There have been a lot of threads on this board about shorter mens’ difficulties with dating. At 5’7” I've had some experience with this, and I wanted to offer some suggestions and encouragement. Years ago I at least partially bought into the idea that this was going to be a huge problem for me. I do think the mere belief had an effect on me, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, one useful thing to do is get that out of your head. For me it helped to look at existing married couples with children where the man was the same height or even shorter than the woman. Here was empirical evidence that it could be done. Focusing on that helped me get rid of limiting beliefs. The thing that has ended up surprising me a bit are the heights of women that I've done the best with. Certainly, I've always had reasonably good luck with short women 5’2” or less, the shorter they were the more they tended to like me. I guess that's not a surprise. I was disheartened to find that women from 5’3” to 5’5” seemed to be very difficult for me to interest. It didn't matter so much that I was taller than them, perhaps I wasn't enough taller for their tastes. However, for me at least it seems like I've also done very well with women 5’6” to 5’9” (and even taller). These are women who are basically my height or taller, and it has seemed to me that I've actually done better with them than with the 5’3” to 5’5” group. Not sure what the reason is. Perhaps the medium height women feel they can get their pick of men, where the taller women feel like they are “too tall” and are thus more open-minded. Whatever the reason, I just wanted to encourage men who are on the shorter side to consider the possibility that a woman who is as tall or even taller than they are may be interested in them even though shorter women seem to not be. I've had a woman as tall as 5’11” actually pursue me (though that was a little too much for my preferences). As a final note, I do think a man who is less than 5’9” is at a significant disadvantage with online dating. Given the ratios women tend to be quite picky, and may quickly weed you out based on a single number like that. In real life I'm not so sure that a woman who is a few inches shorter than you even really knows what your height is, and probably doesn't stop to think about it nearly as much. So, my advice would be to skip the online dating and get out to meet people instead in the real world. Scott
azsinglegal Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'm 5'6" and I always discounted men who weren't at least 6' tall because I wear alot of heels and wanted them to be taller. I did online dating and looked passed any man who didn't meet this criteria. Then...I met a really great guy who's my height. He could care less if I wear heels when we go out. It seems to me I was discounting him for a good year after we met because he was short and I wanted "tall, dark and handsome". What a shame! I've looked passed several men that were probably good guys based on something as silly as height! What I should've been doing was looking at qualities I wanted, motivating, positive, responsible, comforting and not height. What a fool I have been. Now...I wouldn't give up my 5'6" guy for anything!
thatone Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 be a plasterer, you can then be as tall or short as you want... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w02giSD6_5k
Cracker Jack Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Good topic. I'm also one of those guys less than average height (I'm 5'8"), but never grew self-conscious about it till I started reading about it online. And I agree that my chances are likely way better IRL than they are online. It all depends on the woman. I've had more interest from shorter women (5'2" or less) and women around my height than women taller or in the 5'4" level, but I know it varies greatly. I'm attracted to women that are taller and shorter than me, so it's not a big deal to me. All you can do is try to focus on the one woman who isn't bothered by your lack of height and go from there. What I can say is it's certainly not as hopeless as I had thought it was many months back.
somedude81 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I've always beloved that charm/good game can compensate for a lack of height. That's why there are short men who are with decent women. But if a short man doesn't have any game, he might as well join a monastery.
Onlyjonley Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 My boy is 5'8 and I'm 5'4 .. it has never been an issue. I always thought I preferred taller guys (my last 2 boyfriends were over 6 foot) but I am just as attracted to my current boy. So don't give up!
Content Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 At 5'8 on a good day i have the same experience taller women are the ones into me from the get go Women a few inches below me around 5'5 and 5'6 worry that their taller then me in heels The women who are most angry or vicious towards my height are the real short ones,women around 5'2 have somehow claimed that im so short and liek their height Maybe its becasue really short women want to compensate for their lack of height and live vicariosuly through their tall boyfriend or something? but for whatever reason some of these women have a real disdain for shorter men,i gues some women are so vain that a man has to be a foot taller then them or they cant feel "feminine"
Content Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Then...I met a really great guy who's my height. He could care less if I wear heels when we go out. It seems to me I was discounting him for a good year after we met because he was short and I wanted "tall, dark and handsome". Im not sayign a lot of women are just generally attracted to taller men and not shorter but do u think the whole tall dark and handsome thing women hear all their lives socially conditions them to where the tall guy is the prize and if they find a short guy hes inferior and the women will think have somehow failed finding mr tall dark and handsome?
azsinglegal Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Im not sayign a lot of women are just generally attracted to taller men and not shorter but do u think the whole tall dark and handsome thing women hear all their lives socially conditions them to where the tall guy is the prize and if they find a short guy hes inferior and the women will think have somehow failed finding mr tall dark and handsome? I think in a lot of ways we've been conditioned to look for "tall, dark and handsome" and our "white knight"...they never look like the knight from Shrek jumping off a horse either! LOL So in answer to your question, it depends on the woman. I have several friends who won't even consider a short guy and they're only 5'2 or 5'4"! I try to tell them to give the guy who's their height a chance but they refuse - just like I used to. But I can't speak for all women, just my experience. Which has been to pass up the short guy and keep looking for Mr. 6'+. I can also say that I think it's easier for tall guys to date and therefore, they have more choices and can be either really picky with women or pass them up for the smallest reasons or "red flags". I don't feel like a failure at all with the guy I'm with. I'm proud to be with him. I feel damn lucky he gave my shallow ass a shot.
PJKino Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Which is why i always laugh when people say how shallow men are yet women have even more strict standards in the opposite sex physically then Men do I undertsand preferences but when you choose a shoe over a potentially great man youre pretty damn vain I also hate when women say height preferecnes are like weight preferences in Men as if most women are attracted to fat men themslves:rolleyes:
Beachgirl8 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'm about 5'4. When I was younger I used to automatically dismiss guys under 6'. I don't know why- it wasn't a conscious thing. One day I said to myself, "What am I, stupid??? This is dumb." I just started seeing a guy who is maybe 5'8 or 5'9 (he says 5'10...lol) and it doesn't bother me at all. The last guy I dated was 6'3. I guess with age comes maturity and logic. Maybe my increasing age makes me less desirable to taller guys? And I'm reacting? I don't know. Either way, I really like the new guy and I'm glad I got over my hangup.
DepressedinDenver Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Yes short guys have it the worst in dating. Woman seem to have little respect for them. Sucks. Makes me self conscious that Im just average.
Beachgirl8 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Yes short guys have it the worst in dating. Woman seem to have little respect for them. Sucks. Makes me self conscious that Im just average. I think the OP's point was that height is not as limiting as you think it is. Work on your attitude and outlook on life and stop blaming bad luck in dating on something you can't change. If you have a positive attitude and are open to people, you can and will find someone who is interested in you.
love is dangerous Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) my friend really short and said the reason she only goes for 6ft and above guys is because she wants to give her kids a hell in hoping chance. she said if we were both short then my kids would have no chance. tall girls tend to love short guys as they both have problems. tall girls tend to find it harder to get a man and dont tend to look at height as much as used to guys being shorter than them . i would prefer a guy to be a couple inches taller then me and im 5.4 so 5 8 or 5.9 is fine or 5.7 is kinda okay . i wouldnt out rule a guy if his this height as long as his decent looking as well anything less is a no no though . Edited October 13, 2011 by love is dangerous
Ruby Slippers Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm with the other women in that I care about height a lot less than I used to. I dated some guys around my height or even slightly shorter in the past, though mostly 6'0" and up. But now, I'm much more concerned about other, interior qualities.
laotzu Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I have two guys who are friends of mine, right around 5'6" or so, who have smoking hot girlfriends. Height does not equal attractiveness, or confidence.
counterman Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Great post, Scott I find that with a taller guy, his inferior quatities are more easily looked past by some women than with shorter guys. It is as though a short guy's lack of height accentuates any little flaw or there is a stigma attached to dating shorter guys. Though, there are girls that don't care about height and, personally, these girls are the ones I would want to date. There is more to a guy then just how tall he stands. Bare in mind, height is not something someone can help. Don't you think it's a little shallow judging a person on something he cannot control? However, I do understand that years of conditioning have lead us to believe that taller is more attractive. But isn't the way the guy treats you and his personal qualities more important? I've seen many short girls date guys that tower over them. In fact many of my taller guy friends are dating really short girls, and the girls themselves have said they wouldn't have given my friends a chance if they had been shorter. Personally, if I knew that, I wouldn't even date those girls. I like a girl who's secure about herself and likes me for me, without height being a conscious factor of consideration. However, what Somedude said rings a bit of truth. A short, awkward guy who doesn't have any charm or conversational skills will not do well. So, the point of the message? To work on yourself, the things that you can improve on (i.e. your health, social skills, career, hobbies, style) and stop worrying about the things you can't control (i.e. height, race, etc.).
Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I've always beloved that charm/good game can compensate for a lack of height. That's why there are short men who are with decent women. But if a short man doesn't have any game, he might as well join a monastery. Lol you are sounding worse than me, man. If you don't pursue things in life, they won't magically come knocking on your door. I bet if you went out and asked 10 girls out on a date right now and put on your best game face, you would have at least 3 new numbers in your phone. Confidence, confidence, confidence! Don't let those negative thoughts build up inside of you. You're a winner! Remember that!!!
veggirl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm 5'8 and I prefer guys around my height. I don't like to feel overpowered by someone towering over me. I don't need a man to be half a foot taller than me to make me feel feminine. I find that most women who are hellbent on the "must be X inches taller than me!" are shorter women, which is super odd. I have friends my height and taller who have boyfriends their height or shorter...we all still wear heels around our guys when we go out! It's the shorter women (5'2-5'4 maybe?) who insist on the tall guys. It reeks of insecurity to me.
Johnny85 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm 5'8 and I prefer guys around my height. I don't like to feel overpowered by someone towering over me. I don't need a man to be half a foot taller than me to make me feel feminine. I find that most women who are hellbent on the "must be X inches taller than me!" are shorter women, which is super odd. I have friends my height and taller who have boyfriends their height or shorter...we all still wear heels around our guys when we go out! It's the shorter women (5'2-5'4 maybe?) who insist on the tall guys. It reeks of insecurity to me. why do you think that is?
udolipixie Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 where the taller women feel like they are “too tall” and are thus more open-minded. Yeah I tend to see short men with women who are taller than them more than women who are the same height. In real life I'm not so sure that a woman who is a few inches shorter than you even really knows what your height is, and probably doesn't stop to think about it nearly as much. A woman may not really know a guy's height but some women do. With the amount of height lying in real life and online dating & shoe inserts men are wearing some women are learning how to get a guys height due to the increasing dishonesty. In fact one girl I know wears 5 inch heels everyday so she can estimate the height of any guy that approaches her. I know some who can estimate a guy's height by how far she has to lift up her head. You are right about the stop to think about it nearly as much that's usually in cases when she's interested in the guy. Most women tend to let their feelings override their preferences so short guys while at a disadvantage it's not as great as most make it out to be.
PJKino Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 In fact one girl I know wears 5 inch heels everyday so she can estimate the height of any guy that approaches her. I know some who can estimate a guy's height by how far she has to lift up her head. . Damn women really put a lot of thought into height
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Damn women really put a lot of thought into height Because we're crazy.
udolipixie Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Damn women really put a lot of thought into height Some women. Just like some men put a lot of through into weight and don't ask out girls in extremely baggy clothing and rather ask out girls in normal clothing because they can get more of an idea of what she'll look like naked. Those tactics to find out height aren't usually due to putting a lot of thought but more of combating the lying about height & dishonest things like shoe lifts.
PJKino Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Because we're crazy. that goes without saying:lmao:
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