BlueNight Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Thank you so much if you read this, I'll try to keep it short Basically I went out with a guy for a few months- I know, a short relationship, but I feel like we really connected, both of us did and we regularly admitted it to each other. We're only young (19),yet we clicked on so many levels, and I honestly have never felt this about anyone, (I know I'm young but I'm not immature, I know my own mind). Anyway because of his aspirations career wise he's moving a few hours away, and last month he broke up with me because he didn't want an LDR as he knew from experience that it wouldn't work for him etc. but reassured me that it's not cos he didn't like me any more/care about me. He also refused to see me before he moved away, which I tried to change his mind about, but he didn't want to see me at all to 'make things easier'. The thing that's so confusing is that when we broke up he said things like 'who knows what will happen, I may come back at some point soon and we'll be together again', and he was adamant that we'd 'stay friends!!' So he went away and we didn't speak for a few weeks but I caved and emailed him asking how he was. He then called me saying some complications had brought him back- and then stupidly I invited him to my birthday, which he agreed to come to. So that week he came to my birthday, we didn't talk much as I was talking with my friends, whilst he was talking with a few of my friends he knew from before. Then before we were leaving I told him that I'd missed him and he said he'd 'really missed me too', we hugged and said bye. I emailed him thanking him for coming and said we could hopefully see each other soon and he agreed- but since then (a couple weeks) he hasn't tried to contact me once (I've decided not to contact him either). He's going back away soon, and apparently he was telling my friends he doesn't even know whether he'll be staying there for long, and might come back. Basically I know there's nothing I can do if he doesn't want to contact me :/ I just can't stop thinking that we had so much potential, I haven't had closure, and he placed so much importance on staying friends yet has made not effort to do so! And I don't understand why he bothered coming to my bday! I also feel upset every time I think of some of the things he said to me while we were going out about truly caring about me, being so lucky to be with me etc, because now I feel like it was all a lie- I know he wasn't using me sexually as we didn't get physical properly til a couple months in. Should I also continue no contact? Surely 'friends' would keep communicating? I just don't want him to FORGET about me thank you
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) You can't be friends with someone you have emotions for. It will never work. Staying friends is a way of maintaining a lifeline after the relationship is done and is detrimental to the dumpee. It serves no purpose but to keep hope alive. He came home and never even told you he was back. Didn't care to see you before he left. Doesn't care to keep in contact with you. It does not look like he sees what you see. YOU see potential based on your views of him and the R, unfortunately you can't place your views on him. He's showing you he is not that interested or is detached. Look at his actions, not his words. He probably came your birthday party to be polite. Who knows but other than that what signs is he showing you that screams "I am interested and want you in my life!" Nothing. Friends in it's real meaning will keep in contact. His definition of friends is just to keep the door open just incase an ego needs to be stroked, he needs a fallback, he changes his mind when he comes back and he needs attention, etc. Your definition of friends is your need to want to still have a foot in the door so that he does not forget you, in essence keeping hope alive. Go on NC. He can't give you what you want. When someone tells you they don't want to be in an R with you, you LISTEN, then you get out, leave and start healing. Don't sit around waiting for them to change their mind or waiting for breadcrumbs i.e. "maybe we will get together one day." If you have to beg for attention so he does not forget about you, then you have your answer. If you are special to him, he won't forget you. You don't have to find tactics to remind him of you. Edited October 13, 2011 by geegirl
Author BlueNight Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 If you have to beg for attention so he does not forget about you, then you have your answer. If you are special to him, he won't forget you. You don't have to find tactics to remind him of you. thank you so much for your reply, it's exactly what I needed. And I'm definitely going to be reminding myself of this ^. It's just so difficult, one day thinking I'm over it, the next crying and reading into 'breadcrumbs' :/ thanks again
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 It's just so difficult, one day thinking I'm over it, the next crying and reading into 'breadcrumbs' :/ thanks again And those are normal feelings that we all go through when trying to detach emotionally. Those good and bad emotions come in waves. But they will pass. Just don't give into those weak moments. Give yourself a chance to move on and that means staying away from him. Good luck to you. Stay strong.
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