l_o_v_e Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 So, I was married for 6 years and had a child with my husband. The years went by and we grew apart. He grew more and more selfish. I left him, left him for my first bf. While going through our divorce my ex husband tried so hard to get me to change my mind. Then one night we are talking over our wedding unity candle and he tells me in FULL detail the time he cheated on me three years prior to me leaving. Now, I have been living with my first bf and current bf for about 2 years and he has been neglectful, and non-communicative, etc. lately. I still have to see my ex husband twice a week because the son that we share. So, my ex husband's gf and him broke up a while ago, and one night I was drunk and the chemistry that never left between my ex husband and myself... well, we had intercourse. I fealt ashamed and dirty. So, then I plot to leave my current bf and have actually moved out. He admitted to being wrong and treating me just the same way my ex husband treated me....but still, I can't bring myself to tell him that I slept with my ex husband. I want to work things out with my current bf, not my ex husband, my ex husband even after two years of us being divorced, he still works part-time, is lazy, jealous, manipulative, blames me for everything, brings up the past, and (works part-time by choice). My ex husband wants our family together. I am getting a place of my own right now. I DON'T want to live the SINGLE life I have a son, and I don't want to meet new people. what the hell should I do, please do not pass judgement. Be helpful, or go Be somewhere else. thank you
Lobouspo Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Commit to working things out with BF but don't tell him about encounter with ex husband. You genuinely seem remorseful about what happened so for everyones sake, don't allow yourself to get in that situation again...people will just get hurt
Phantom24 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I think giving yourself some space is the best play for you. I understand you don't want to be single, but having some alone time puts you in the best place to make smart decisions. It sounds like you, like most people, are influenced by the "here and now" of most situations so bouncing back and forth might cloud your judgment. Use the time to really outline what you need in your life to be happy and take small steps toward making that happen. If you want to work things out with your BF, it's going to serve you better in the long run to be honest. The fact that he wasn't treating you well should at least provide some sense of understanding why you weren't fully committed to him (not making excuses) like you should have been. Don't expect for you to have all the answers before you got to sleep at night. These kind of things take time and usually require you to make some more mistakes before you get yourself on the right path. Good luck.
Cee Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was in a similar situation. Not quite because I don't have children. I had an ex husband who cheated and treated me badly. I left him and decided to be single, but got insecure and lonely and jumped into a relationship with a new guy. And then I cheated on that boyfriend with my ex husband. What I ended up doing was breaking up with the boyfriend and confessing my infidelity. I also completely cut my ex husband from my life, which was hard because he lived near me. But I couldn't do this alone so I went into intensive therapy and did a stint of inpatient treatment. Love addiction is serious business and really hard to overcome. It took me 5 years of intense work, but I am a totally new person. And after being single for over 6 years, I finally met the man of my dreams. He's not toxic like my exes were. Change is so, so hard. And you are choosing men who neglect you until you leave and then they chase you. Find a way to break this cycle for yourself and your child. Good luck to you and no judgement from me.
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