Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hey LS, ITS ME AGAIN! SMH Okay so as some of you guys may know my story.... Its been since March that my ex of 7yrs broke up. We have had limited contact here and there since then and he is currently seeing someone at the moment even though he told me he still loves me and misses me etc because it was so much history and feelings are still there. I havnt seen him since May (memorial weekend) I injured my foot and he came to the hospital to see me and take care of me at home. Today I decided to text him and tell him I was thinking about him because I had a dream with him in it and he replied thats funny because a few nights back I had one with you. We texted back and forth and I told him I miss you! He replied with- Thanks, im cautious on how I respond to texts from you now because last time I did tell you I missed you and loved you, you flipped out because of my situation (him dating someone) but you know exactly how I feel the same way you do. I replied with a simple ok and he called me at work, I havnt heard his voice in a month or so. He called to tell me not to assume that he doesnt miss me etc just because I don't hear from him and that those feelings of missing a person don't fade in just a few months. Back in the end of August begining of September he called to tell me hes been thinking of me and wants to see me soon and here was I super cool about it and happy until I found out he was still with HER and I flipped out on him and that meet up never happened. I got so upset because how can he ask me to hang out if he is still with her. I thought he was asking me to see me cuz so was no longer in the picture but I was wrong. That whole week we argued back and forth and of course me asking him, how could you ? why? etc. I felt like the break up allllll over again. Well the conclusion of todays talk is that I told him I want to see him and he asks why? I was like because I havnt seen you in 5months and would love to catch up. Let me pick the time and day and lets meet up and he said "OKAY" I was not expecting this at all but now I don't know what to think of it? why would he meet up with me if hes with her? My ex is not a jerk or player type hes also not a child, he is a 36 yr old man. So what you guys think about all this? Why you think he accepted my offer? When I havnt seen him in 5 months.
immitable Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hm, how would I react in his position? I guess it would depend on the reason of the breakup. What was the reason you two broke up?
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Hm, how would I react in his position? I guess it would depend on the reason of the breakup. What was the reason you two broke up? We broke up due to trust issues on my end and my clingy, complaining, nagging ways that he just grew tired of. I know he still cares because till this day he answers my texts and calls but yet I havnt seen him in months. I use to be everything to this man but I guess I messed up a whole lot of things. Look thru my previous threads.
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Are you still emotional about him? Looking for reconciliation, testing the waters, etc?
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Are you still emotional about him? Looking for reconciliation, testing the waters, etc? Honest truth I would still love to be with him again but I know is he with someone else but however why would he accept my offer if he with someone else?
immitable Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) I see you blame yourself and it means that you realised your mistakes and have changed. I also believe though that there are always two persons guilty when a relationship dies. I am also a big supporter of second chances and I would say go for it.... but do you think he changed? Do you think he realised his mistakes maybe and why was he making you feel insecure during the relationship? I'd definately talk to him if I were you and go from there. Edited October 13, 2011 by immitable
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) Honest truth I would still love to be with him again but I know is he with someone else but however why would he accept my offer if he with someone else? The question is, why, when you are still emotional about him would you put yourself in a situation that is only going to hurt you. The question is, would you be upset if say, your boyfriend's ex was wanting to hang out with him? Why would you stick your toe in? He hasn't seen you in 5 months. There's a level of excitement, there's a hint of curiosity, etc. Remember, he didn't reach out to you to see you, you did. He's not going to say no, especially when he tried once to hang out with you when he was in an R (and still is). You were offended by that a month or so ago. Why aren't you now? Edited October 13, 2011 by geegirl
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 I see you blame yourself and it means that you realised your mistakes and have changed. I also believe though that there are always two persons guilty when a relationship dies. I am also a big supporter of second chances and I would say go for it.... but do you think he changed? Do you think he realised his mistakes maybe and why was he making you feel insecure during the relationship? I'd definately talk to him if I were you and go from there. I think this time apart has made both of us grow but he is still with her and just wondering why would he want to see me if hes still with her?
redblack66 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I think this time apart has made both of us grow but he is still with her and just wondering why would he want to see me if hes still with her? NO! You have grown, he has not. One has to hit a wall to start growing. He has not.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 The question is, why, when you are still emotional about him would you put yourself in a situation that is only going to hurt you. The question is, would you be upset if say, your boyfriend's ex was wanting to hang out with him? Why would you stick your toe in? He hasn't seen you in 5 months. There's a level of excitement, there's a hint of curiosity, etc. Remember, he didn't reach out to you to see you, you did. He's not going to say no, especially when he tried once to hang out with you when he was in an R (and still is). You were offended by that a month or so ago. Why aren't you now? I guess im just curious to see what may happen when we do see each other, him like me is a very emotional person. Well he did say no to me before back in August when i asked him to hang out and he said we'll see but didnt take my offer right there and then and then a week later he tells me I want to see you soon and thats when everything hit the fan with me knowing he was still with her. I guess I am not offended now because I am just in shock that he said YES that we can meet up. I was expecting to get a "Don't think its a good idea" type of answer.
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I think this time apart has made both of us grow but he is still with her and just wondering why would he want to see me if hes still with her? For the same reason he wanted to hang out with you a month ago. If the man wanted you back, he'd be ending his R and banging on your door or calling you. Wanting to just hang out, is exactly that. He knows you are emotional about him. He's curious, loves the attention, it's exciting, he's probably bored in his R, likes your company, sees you as a friend, etc. A number of reasons. If you're hoping that he wants to hang out because he wants you back, he should/will be showing you in other ways.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 For the same reason he wanted to hang out with you a month ago. If the man wanted you back, he'd be ending his R and banging on your door or calling you. Wanting to just hang out, is exactly that. He knows you are emotional about him. He's curious, loves the attention, it's exciting, he's probably bored in his R, likes your company, sees you as a friend, etc. A number of reasons. If you're hoping that he wants to hang out because he wants you back, he should/will be showing you in other ways. So its not a good idea to see him? when I havnt seen a sigh of him since May? If hes so happy with the new girl why would he accept my offer?
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 So its not a good idea to see him? when I havnt seen a sigh of him since May? If hes so happy with the new girl why would he accept my offer? It's not a good idea because you are going in wondering if there is still a possibility. You are still emotional about him. You're not indifferent at all. You're playing with fire. So what if you have not seen him since May. You were hurt and upset a month ago that he was still with her while wanting to hang with you. What does it matter? If you claim to have "grown" you won't be putting yourself in this type of scenario. It's not that you want to catch up, you want to spark his interest and see where it goes. I just told you why he may have accepted your offer. You want to hear to hear me say something else. The truth is, he could have broken up with her a month ago when you were upset, but he went back to her. Now you're opening a door he wanted to open, again while he is still with his girlfriend. If he wants to come back to you, let him come to you on his own.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 If he wants to come back to you, let him come to you on his own. I did want him to come back on his own but I feel like I did soooo much damage to the relationship. This man put up with a lot of my crap and I know he still cares for me, after doing the things I did to him he was always there and I ended up taking him for granted.
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I did want him to come back on his own but I feel like I did soooo much damage to the relationship. This man put up with a lot of my crap and I know he still cares for me, after doing the things I did to him he was always there and I ended up taking him for granted. Yes, he may still care but he is with someone else. He may still care but let him care enough for you, to want to come back to you. You can't coax, goad, entice, manipulate someone into coming back to you nor should you be testing the waters to see if he would want to or gauge as to where you stand. He has to want to do it on his own and he has to show you with action. In the meantime, you need to stay away when you know you are emotional because there is no security or certainty for you when it comes to him wanting to be with you.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Yes, he may still care but he is with someone else. He may still care but let him care enough for you, to want to come back to you. You can't coax, goad, entice, manipulate someone into coming back to you nor should you be testing the waters to see if he would want to or gauge as to where you stand. He has to want to do it on his own and he has to show you with action. In the meantime, you need to stay away when you know you are emotional because there is no security or certainty for you when it comes to him wanting to be with you. Well after making the plans I can't blow him off now. So I will see him and I guess just see what happens. I was with this man for 7 yrs of my life, it wasnt a short term relationship and we been thru a lot together and stuck out a lot of crap before it ended.
geegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Well after making the plans I can't blow him off now. So I will see him and I guess just see what happens. I was with this man for 7 yrs of my life, it wasnt a short term relationship and we been thru a lot together and stuck out a lot of crap before it ended. Understandable. But that 7 years was when you were in an R together. It does not justify putting yourself in a situation that can hurt you and when he is now with someone else and you two are broken up. Good luck to you.
vsmini Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I think this time apart has made both of us grow but he is still with her and just wondering why would he want to see me if hes still with her? Grown? It's only been 5 months - that's not much time to grow. Growing happens while you're hurting, while you're getting over them and way down the line AFTER you're over them. You aren't over him. This is a big mistake. As for him seeing someone else - don't think he's ready to come back to you just because he's agreed to meet up with you and he has another girl. It doesn't mean that much.
vsmini Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Also - keep in mind you asked him out and he agreed. It's not that he came to you from his own accord. That would tell you a lot more. He's curious - no doubt but you could really get hurt here.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Understandable. But that 7 years was when you were in an R together. It does not justify putting yourself in a situation that can hurt you and when he is now with someone else and you two are broken up. Good luck to you. Thanks so much for the good luck, yea I really need and hopefully I don't turn out feeling like crap afterwards. I just want to see him we've never been this much apart with out seeing each other. We did break up for a year back in 2007 but saw each other and stayed in contact way more than now.
Author Kuite09 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Also - keep in mind you asked him out and he agreed. It's not that he came to you from his own accord. That would tell you a lot more. He's curious - no doubt but you could really get hurt here. I know I asked him, when he did ask me I flipped out cuz I found out he was still with her. I just want to see him and see what happens its been 6 months already and yes I am still emotional but not as bad as I was 2 or 3 months ago.
Mack05 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) Thanks so much for the good luck, yea I really need and hopefully I don't turn out feeling like crap afterwards. I just want to see him we've never been this much apart with out seeing each other. We did break up for a year back in 2007 but saw each other and stayed in contact way more than now. Kuite I don't want to come across rude here, but when are you actually going to learn? When are things going to sink in? You know what the definition of insanity is right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. No good can come of this. If you truly love your ex then you put his needs above your own. You have to set him free. Too many people love how their ex's made them feel about themselves. This is not real love. Real love is putting your partners needs above your own. Even if that means they meet someone else. You had your opportunity and you (both) blew it. Give the guy a chance to find real happiness with his new girl. What are you hoping to achieve here? Put a wedge between him and his new girl and have him come back to you?. Could you live with yourself if that happened? Also for yourself, no good can come of this. It's time to look forward not back. Many people on this site have had long term relationships and fail (including me). It sucks but we all got over them and so will you. Kuite, you should cancel and explain something came up. A few weeks later explain why you can't be friends and ask him to respect your wishes. Not sure why I bothered typing this. In one ear and out the next.. To make genuine changes to yourself takes years. People that promise to 'change' are just giving their ex's false/empty desperate promises to win them back. The relationship is over. Just because there is 7 years invested doesn't mean you should get back together. 30 year marriages fail! It's time to gain acceptance of this fact and move on with your life. The problem is you are in extreme denial and you refuse to let him go. The longer you stay like this, the longer the road back..It's over! Do yourself a favour and get rid of the anchor thats holding you down.. Edited October 13, 2011 by Mack05
Farrah Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Nicely put.... Kuite I don't want to come across rude here, but when are you actually going to learn? When are things going to sink in? You know what the definition of insanity is right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. No good can come of this. If you truly love your ex then you put his needs above your own. You have to set him free. Too many people love how their ex's made them feel about themselves. This is not real love. Real love is putting your partners needs above your own. Even if that means they meet someone else. You had your opportunity and you (both) blew it. Give the guy a chance to find real happiness with his new girl. What are you hoping to achieve here? Put a wedge between him and his new girl and have him come back to you?. Could you live with yourself if that happened? Also for yourself, no good can come of this. It's time to look forward not back. Many people on this site have had long term relationships and fail (including me). It sucks but we all got over them and so will you. Kuite, you should cancel and explain something came up. A few weeks later explain why you can't be friends and ask him to respect your wishes. Not sure why I bothered typing this. In one ear and out the next.. To make genuine changes to yourself takes years. People that promise to 'change' are just giving their ex's false/empty desperate promises to win them back. The relationship is over. Just because there is 7 years invested doesn't mean you should get back together. 30 year marriages fail! It's time to gain acceptance of this fact and move on with your life. The problem is you are in extreme denial and you refuse to let him go. The longer you stay like this, the longer the road back..It's over! Do yourself a favour and get rid of the anchor thats holding you down..
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