smarty Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) Hi guys, I apologize in advance for this longstory, but it is just complicated and those who read it, I appreciate it a lot! Well, I met a girl on Facebook. At first wecommunicated there for over 6 months, exchanging messages on almost a dailybasis. Initially she was a bit distant, but after a couple of months we reallyhit off and we talked longer and about more meaningful topics. Everything wentso well, that she asked me to chat with her on ICQ because she wanted to talkwith me more often. The first two times on ICQ went really well,but then something strange happened. I did not came online for a couple of daysand suddenly found out that she deleted me from FB and ICQ. I send her a newfriends request and asked her why….she apologized and said it happenedaccidently. She added me again, but was a bit more distant. A week later shesuddenly began talking with me again on ICQ, saying that she was sad becauseshe decided to temporarily split with her guy. I tried to support her, gave heradvice, and so on. From that moment on, everything became moreintense. She deleted her profile on FB, but we would talk very regularly on ICQfor the next 6 months. It just became a normal thing for us to chat a couple oftimes during the week. Note that in this period, she quit her job, andtemporarily quit university. For me these 6 months felt like a rollercoasterride. Sometimes she made me feel very wanted and said very sweet things to me(she would often ask me whether I would come online the next day, that talkingwith me was a daily need for her, that she would not be able to breathe if Ileft, etc. I guess she just needed someone to be there for her. And sometimes she would be absent-minded or begone for a couple of days without saying anything. At times I felt like air (sometimesvery needed, but also invisible). I always treated her very well, I was neverangry at her and never said or did anything to upset her. She would often askme to wait for her 5 or 10 minutes when we chatted, while eventually leaving mein the cold for 2 or 3 hours. I never made a big deal out of it, because Ididn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. After these 6 months things suddenly changeddramatically. On one day we had a normal conversation, and she told me to meetup with her on a specific date. I agreed, but she never came online that day.At first I thought that maybe she forgot, so I waited a few days. Eventually Idecided to contact her on her new FB profile (she never told me she had one). Iasked how she was and if everything was alright between us. Her reaction….well,she deleted everything, her profile picture, friends, status, etc. I was dumbstruck and thought that she did notwant to talk with me anymore for whatever reason. I wrote her a farewell letterand an hour later she suddenly phoned me on Skype. She apologized, told me thatshe did not know what came over her and asked me to forgive her which I did. Shemade a new profile on FB and ICQ and added me there. The strangest thing is….onthe same day she suggested to talk on Skype every day, which never happened ofcourse. Everything seemed back to normal, but thingswould soon turn out to be different again. She suddenly became absent for along while, saying absolutely nothing in advance. After a week of hearing nothingfrom her, I asked her about it and told her how I sometimes felt so confused She told me to exhale and, at first, explainedto me that she was just tired during the day and wanted to relax in theevening. She said it was not related with me and that she would definitelywrite me, only she did not knew when. Later she told me because she had guests,and eventually that she was just too busy with her study. It was tough for me,because I assumed that surely she would have a minute to write sometimes. Irealize now that I should have just waited, I just felt like I was losing her Over the next three months, things would remainlike this. She became more distant and it seemed like every time when wetalked, she was in a hurry or something. I would (too) often ask about this,and even suggested whether it would be better to take a break because I thoughtthat it might be better to her, while I would also have some clarity. She neveranswered the question, only saying that everything was fine and that she would definitelywrite. She said that she was communicating less with everyone, and that shethought that I was a wonderful person but that she could not write as often asbefore. In September everything seemed to be a bit betteragain. We send each other messages on FB, although her replies were very short.I would ask her how everything was at university for example, and she would notreally answer the question, instead just asking me a question. Late September I made a very big mistake. Iwoke up early on one day and saw that she was online. I asked her how she was.She did not answer, so I wrote her if she was busy….again nothing. Then I jokedthat it was going to be a monologue again and asked if I could write her later.I left and in the evening I saw that she still had not responded, even thoughshe had been online for hours. I made the dreadful mistake of writing her againand asking if everything was still good between us. Again nothing…..then wrote,that I just wanted to know if she was still going to answer that day and thatthis was the lowest point after communicating with her for more than 1,5 years.I told her that I was not angry or something, but that I am a human and not arobot. Immediately after, I regretted writing those things and I apologized, askedher to forget everything and wished her a good night hat same night, she deleted me from FB and ICQ,and even blocked me on FB which meant that I could not send her messages thereanymore. I did manage to speak to her on Skype, again apologized and begged fora chance to explain everything. She told me that she deleted me because she alreadyexplained to me many times that if she does not respond immediately, then itmeans that she will respond when she has time. She told me that I just did notunderstand. She told me that she could not communicate every day and that I didnot had to wait the entire time until she came online (while before she wouldalways wonder where I was if I was not online for one or two days). I told herthat I never wanted to communicate every day, and that for me the main thingwas that to her it was comfortable. I asked if she could add me again, but shesaid that she did not want to. She told me that we would talk later and left I felt sad and scared, and on the same eveningI wrote her a letter on Skype explaining everything. I decided to give her timeand did not come online for a week. A week later she wrote me, asking me how Iwas. However, in the meantime, I already made a video message for her, becauseI wanted to apologize in person. I said that I understood her situation andthat I behaved like an idiot, and that I wished I had understood her better andjust been more patient. I asked her to forgive me, wished her all the best, andI told her that if she still wants to communicate with me, we would talk whenit would be comfortable for her. After I send the video message, I was online onSkype for the entire next week, usually almost the entire day hoping to see herand reconcile. I did not see her that week, but suddenly on one evening noticedthat she deleted me in Skype (I guess she used the “show me as offline”function). This was one and a half week after I send the video message. I wasvery upset, and made a new profile on FB in order to send her a goodbyemessage. She also blocked that account, I don’t even know if she read it, and so far that has been it. I know I ruined everything by being too pushy. Sheis the most instable person who I have ever met, but I just don’t want to loseher like this. For me the whole situation is just terrible. I don’t even knowthe exact reason why she deleted me. Was it because of the video, or because Iwas online so often on Skype which made her feel uncomfortable, or could therebe another reason? Did I ruin it permanently I made a (normal) video for her and posted iton my FB profile. I did not send it to her, I just hope that someday she willsee it. There is nothing left to do then wait. Feel free to ask questions. Thanks in advance. Edited October 13, 2011 by smarty
Mcnulty Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'm afraid i'm going to be blunt.....It wasn't a real relationship, she may not even be who you think she is, you did not meet,(I'm gathering). It was a fumble online, she wasn't interested, but instead of being direct with you, she arsed you about, which is unfair, but you really are making a whole lot more out of all of this than exists. It's over, your online friendship. Please try to not get sucked in by an online "person" again in this way. get yourself out and meet some nice, real people...lots of luck.
Bruised Not Broken Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I have to agree with the other poster, unless we missed something in your story. I don't think you knew this person...the deleting and refriending, sounds to me like perhaps she was hiding her online profiles/friends and is perhaps playing some kind of game with her significant other. People don't just do things like that for no reason. I think you need to accept that she is not who you thought she was, and move forward.
Author smarty Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) I'm afraid i'm going to be blunt.....It wasn't a real relationship, she may not even be who you think she is, you did not meet,(I'm gathering). It was a fumble online, she wasn't interested, but instead of being direct with you, she arsed you about, which is unfair, but you really are making a whole lot more out of all of this than exists. It's over, your online friendship. Please try to not get sucked in by an online "person" again in this way. get yourself out and meet some nice, real people...lots of luck. Thanks for the reply. You're right, we never met in person. We only talked with eachother on FB, ICQ, and Skype. And even on Skype she only saw me 3 times and I only heard her voice, since she doesn't have a webcam. We were never in a romantic relationship, and during our time I never once asked or even hinted at wanting any of this. She sometimes flirted with me, but I always kept my cool because I was afraid that it would jepeordize our acquintance/friendship. I only wanted us to be normal penpals like we were in the first 6 months. When we first started to talk on FB (the first 6 months), everything was very casual. We would usually write each other a couple of times in the week, just when either of us had time and felt like it, there was no pressure, or whatever....we just communicated because we both liked it. After a couple of months, the ice was broken and our conversations become so much more enjoyable. We could talk about everything and it just "clicked". It was at this point, that she said that it would be wonderful to see me on Skype. Initially I was the one who was hesistant (She is Russian and I speak Russian decently, but not perfect), but she insisted and so we agreed to meet on Skype the next day, but....she never came, she just wrote me on FB and it was like she had forgotten the whole thing. After one week I decided to bring it up again, asking whether she had already installed Skype. She only told me that she still hadn't, not saying whether she would still install it, and instead asked me if I had ICQ. I said that I was on there not often, to which she replied that she would be more busy in the future, thus she would rarely appear on FB, but would still come to ICQ (if honest, I thought it was weird since chatting takes more time than writing one simple message a day on FB), but I agreed. Initially she was the one who wanted to communicate closer. I was always happy with how we normally communicated, just casually without pressure. I liked talking with her (overall more than she), but I almost never asked for more. She was the one who frequently asked whether I would be online the next day, or why I didn't come if I missed a day. One time, she even went to bed earlier so that she could see me later in the evening....it was nice to know that someone appreciates you that much, but it was also a bit weird for me. When I would come online a bit later in the evening, she would comment on it, and later she even asked if I could come earlier. At one point, I even noticed that I was relieved when she wasn't online. There was just a lot of pressure, even though I was just a penpal. Later everything changed, and I noticed that she was occupied with other things. I asked her about it, but she was always a bit vague about it. I even proposed to take a temporarily break for a while, because I thought it would be better for both of us, but she acted like I said something silly...she only said that everything was fine and that she would definitely write me. When I asked her if it was still convenient to write me, she answered: "Always". I have to agree with the other poster, unless we missed something in your story. I don't think you knew this person...the deleting and refriending, sounds to me like perhaps she was hiding her online profiles/friends and is perhaps playing some kind of game with her significant other. People don't just do things like that for no reason. I think you need to accept that she is not who you thought she was, and move forward. Thanks, I understand. To be honest, she is Russian and on the Russian FB it is possible to hide friends and she has always done that, so I don't know if that has anything to do with her deleting me. The truth is that she deleted me multiple times. First in November without an apparent reason. In June I tried to add her (i.e. her new FB profile), but she deleted everything like I wrote earlier. On the same day she made a new FB profile and added me again....but a week later deleted me again. And when I asked her about it, she said that she deleted everybody there as she did not communicate with anyone on FB....but here comes the kicker....within a couple of days she refriended me again in FB...you can understand that it came out of the blue for me and why sometimes I just can't keep up with her. She just changes her mind so often, that it is sometimes so confusing for me...I always tried to deal with it the best way I could, and she always told me that she really appreciated my patience with her, that I was such an understanding person. I sometimes wonder how a normal person would deal with all of this. Edited October 13, 2011 by smarty
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