SadDazedConfused Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 My H and I have a mutual friend that we have known for many years. He is a friend from college, and I actually knew him first, and over the years we have all continued our friendship. My husband considers him to be one of his closest friends, they go out together, have gone on trips together, etc. Our friend has pretty much always been single, except for the last year, he was in a relationship where he was head over heels for this woman. It didn't end well, and he has had issues trying to move on. Well our friend and I have talked at length on a few occasions about his emotions and the fallout from the relationship. These sessions both occurred after gatherings at our house, and everyone (including my husband) had either left or gone to bed. The last time, my husband was in on part of the conversation, and eventually went to bed as it was really late. Our friend and I continued to talk, and I offered him perspective and advice from a woman's point of view. It eventually got even later, and I needed to go to bed, and he decided he'd head home. As I walked him out, I gave him a hug, and as I went to let go of him, he tried to kiss me on the mouth. I turned my head to avoid the kiss, and he turned and walked out. I told my husband about it the next morning, and he was pretty upset. He told me that he wanted me to contact our friend and ask him why he would have done that. So I did, and our friend claims it meant nothing, that he had kissed me on the cheek many times, and this was just going to be a peck on the lips. That is meant nothing. That we have been friends for a long time and it was meaningless. My husband doesn't believe that. Our friend knew that our marriage wasn't doing so well, and I think maybe it was his way of trying to move in on me. My husband says it's inappropriate if he wouldn't have done it with him standing there (my husband). I agree. He never would have tried to kiss me like that if my husband was there also. He also has a history of sending me random text messages when he's out at the bar WITH my husband. There were a few nights when he and my husband were out (while we were separated), and he was texting me the whole night. Telling me what he and my husband were doing, giving me his perspective on our marital issues, etc. I thought it was all pretty strange as well. Taken all together, I think it's all pretty shady, as does my husband. I don't think I have led him on in any way, shape or form. I was trying to be a good friend to him and help him through his hurt and anguish in relation to his breaking up with his gf. In hindsight, staying up with him for hours alone talking, probably wasn't a good idea, at least given his actions afterward. I also need to just ignore his text messages, or maybe reply back and tell him not to text me anymore. My husband has stopped hanging out with him. I'm not sure if their friendship or ours for that matter, will ever recover. Was I out of line in trying to help him out? What should I have done differently? I don't think my actions would have ever pointed to it being okay for him to kiss me.
Bryanp Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I think you are acting appropriately. When your friend was texting you while he was with your husband it was a sure sign he wanted more from you. You did the right thing telling your husband and your husband is correct in cutting this guy off. Clearly you spent too much close time with this so-called friend. The friend apparently was always looking for a chance to be with you while pretending to be a good friend to your husband. He is a snake. Cut off all communications with him period. I hope you and your husband can work things out. You did nothing wrong. Good luck.
PegNosePete Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I agree with Bryan, both you and your husband have done everything right. You both have the right attitude and have read the signs perfectly. Your "friend" is trying to move in on you and seems to have been planning it for a long time. Your husband is totally right, if he would not have done it with him standing there then he should not have done it. This guy is a snake indeed. He is not a friend of your marriage.
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