Aj23 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hey, I posted in the LDR section about my initial problems but it's suddenly escalated into one that is probably better suited here. I know this place is full of friendly people but it's probably just as good I go through this again out loud to make sense of it, and obviously any advice is much appreciated! So I've been seeing a Swedish girl who lives in Sweden whilst I live in the UK. We've only been seeing each other for 3 months or so, but she came to visit me and we'd planned our next two visits, including one in less than 3 weeks time. Anyway, we'd talked about a relationship and as she'd been engaged before she didn't want to be 'caged' and feel like she could be in something she could mess up, at least for the time being, but we were very close and intimate and pretty much aside from calling it a relationship explicitly, it was. Anyway, because we're not in the same country and I didn't want to feel like I was smothering her after this comment I've been genuinely fine with her going out etc as I've never had a reason for concern. Now she went away with her college to Germany and met the guy that caused some of the problems in her engagement who brought up old emotions and they ended up kissing. Now I've been cheated on before (after 4 years with a girl) so I'm not the happiest about this, but then again I think because of the whole 'not a relationship thing' we were on different wavelengths. However, after me commenting how she'd changed a bit since Germany and she seemed a bit distant she almost immediately told me what had happened and how this guy had been there before me and that she felt awkward going in the first place knowing that he'd probably try it again and she didn't know how she'd feel. Fair enough, I know how guys work, if they can rekindle old, no strings flames, they will. Anyway she tells me how she feels sick and how she's hurt me and how she's a 'bloody monster' (impressive from a non-English native speaker!) and that I've always been really sweet and caring and almost 'too good to be true' (her words) and that she couldn't believe what she'd done. Now I thought I'd blow my top over the whole thing but surprisingly stayed calm, although I did come across stern, upset and made sure she knew it hurt me. I know she went through some bad things for someone so young, and I love her to bits so I said that if she wanted some time to think about things while I did the same we could. She said thankyou and we spoke a little more and said she couldn't sleep and so I wasn't sitting up all night with her online (which I've done before) I told her to look after herself and that I was going to bed. She replied with something she knows I find cute, a sad face and a heart and I said good night in Swedish. She did say that she'd like the chance to think and would speak to me soon. I know she thinks I'm angrier than I really am, because I wanted to make her know I wasn't happy about all this, but I genuinely want her to sort her head out, as she's coping with an ex-bf who is refusing to give her all her share of the sale of a shared apartment, and this guy who has 'ruined' things with us because she was confused as to how she felt about it all. I'm not trying to make excuses for her but I guess the whole 'not wanting to be caged' thing because she 'didn't want to be close enough to mess things up again so soon' (her words) meant that there wasn't any clear ground rules to our relationship even though we were close, intimate and already starting to plan seeing each other as much as possible. I've not spoken to her in 2 days, blocked her on skype and facebook so I'm not tempted to speak to her too, but she's been fairly inactive on them herself with the odd picture from Germany (one where she looks so beautiful I wish I could comment on it) and very little else, which is unusual because we used to FB all the time. She has a blog where she posted a few photos and quotes etc that seemed related to the issue like: 'Confessing things in all night talks', and 'What if the one you let go, would just come back' (which were both photos with quotes on, not her own words) and a variety of Union Jack covered things. She also posted on FB 'It's so hard not doing the little things' (in English) which I think was related to me saying that I missed all the good morning texts and goodnight texts, the little things that made me feel great. I guess I take this as a sign she misses me but I've got to the point where I don't know what to do next. She posted 'Pfffff good night.' on her blog last night which I took as her being peed off about something, but made me wonder if she's getting sick of this no contact and is slowly coming round to not coming back to me. I guess the whole 'I'll speak to you soon' and the posting of Union Jack stuff means I know she's thinking of me at the moment, and I don't know if now is the best time to speak to her, as, with my experience of girls, she could suddenly switch and stop thinking of me in that way. Do I contact her and ask her how she's doing and if we can chat soon (as she's still coming here but hasn't got her plane back sorted) or do I ride the storm. I'd love to talk to her but know about the NC rule and letting them come to you first. But I care about her so much despite this and would love to get this all sorted. I was tempted last night to have a quick word with her sister about it (who is older, I've spoken to a couple of times and she likes me) to see what she thinks I could do, but then that adds another person who could influence her either way. Really not sure what I can do, as I'm checking to see if she's posted anything else now and just wanna speak to her more and more. What do you guys think?
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