Pressure

[StellaA]

Thanks zabs....you are a great listener! Do your family agree with the relationship

[Zabs]

Woudl you want an obsessive type stalker person in your daughter's life? But saying that...I have made the mistake of many...not mentioning all the great times we have and usually only telling when I am pi**ed off with him...so they only hear bad things I guess...

 

But we are like yin and yang...from the very first times we spent together it feels like he was always the one...you get what I mean our Stella?

 

Thanks for the compliment! I do try my best xx

 

Z x

[TheDovic]

No TheDovic..............what would your advice be?

 

I think you've got to give it another go. If you don't then you might always regret it!

 

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold." (Helen Keller)

[StellaA]

I want to give it another go but like most people on here....I'm really scared of going through all this again! Could I cope??!!!! My family and friends would disown me as well

[TheDovic]

I want to give it another go but like most people on here....I'm really scared of going through all this again! Could I cope??!!!! My family and friends would disown me as well

 

Well that really comes down to one question Stells. Which do you think would be easier for you?

 

1) Letting him go completely and wondering what might have been? OR

2) Taking him back and risking going through this again?

 

I understand both sides of this incorporate their own risks. If I were in your position and my ex told me she'd made a mistake and wanted me back I'd be terrified. Initially because if it didn't work out I don't know how I'd cope with going through this again (I barely made it through this time!). Although does that mean you should avoid dating anyone, because there's always the chance the next person we fall for could leave us too!?

 

I just think if we don't take a leap of faith from time to time we could end up sad and alone wondering what might have been. I personally think the short term hell of going through a breakup is better than long term misery of doubt and regret!

 

That's just my opinion Stella. I know most people's advice is different to mine, but in reality we are all just trying to help. I just feel that I should play devil's advocate at this point as there's always more than one option.

 

PS, do your family and friends really feel this strongly about this?

[StellaA]

Thanks thedovic.........yeah, my dad does not want to see me hurt again as i was pretty liw. He has seen me at my worst and doesn't understand how someone who livec me would hurt me like he did. I try to explain sometimes you need spac.....he doesn't believe that

[geegirl]

Thanks thedovic.........yeah, my dad does not want to see me hurt again as i was pretty liw. He has seen me at my worst and doesn't understand how someone who livec me would hurt me like he did. I try to explain sometimes you need spac.....he doesn't believe that

 

Agree with your dad. When two people love each other and want to be with each other, they don't put "space" between them, they grow closer, not apart. Space is going to hang with the boys all Sunday or taking a guys trip for a long weekend. Not breaking up with you at a drop of a hat and disappearing. Big difference.

[Mack05]

Stella I posted this before and will post it again because I REALLY disagree with Dovic's advice here. The fact your ex left you and has been diagnosed as Bipolar, I would side with your family/dad. But matters of the heart are not that Black and White. You know his good side. You are still in Love. Walking away from someone we love is very difficult. We automatically want to support them, afterall isn't being there for your partner when they really need you the sign of a strong relationship? Maybe, but that love and support has to be both ways. Who get's to support you? Can you rely on this guy when things get tough for you, or is it just going to be you giving everything to him and getting nothing back in return? I once read about being in a relationship with someone who is Bipolar or how has a similar disorder -> "No matter how effective you are at helping him, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of yourself into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger."

 

If you go back to them you could risk your relationship(s) with your family. Further down the line if he leaves you high and dry, then you are left even more devastated and on your own. To me you are very confused. Making such a big decision when you feel under 'pressure' is never the way to go. If it were me, I would not get back together with him or be friends. I would explain that my trust is gone and that I need time to myself to work through everything. Take as much time as you need. Step away from the relationship and determine if this man is giving you everything you want? You need to be very honest with yourself. This guy does not sound happy within himself. Three months hasn't suddenly made his problems disappear. He can't be trusted and right now his promises are false and empty. If he is not happy within himself, he cannot make you happy and he cannot be happy within the relationship.

 

A relationship needs more then love to survive. You also need Respect, Loyalty, Honesty, Empathy, Compassion, Sincerity, Trust, Understanding, Compatabilty. You should be thoroughly enjoying the good times and supporting each other through the tough times. Can you say you have that kind of relationship Stella? I would take time away and weigh everything up. Try to think logically and rationally and not with your heart (VERY hard). If you want my advice, I would listen to your family. From the outside if you weigh it all up, the correct decision is to leave the relationship. But then again, I am not emotionally invested and I have no idea what your ex is like as a man. I do know he doesn't seem happy in himself and until he is you can't go back. Use this time to focus on you. Are you happy within yourself? The same goes for you Stella. If you are not happy within yourself, then you can't be in a relationship. It's doomed to failure..

 

It's one of life's decisions that is so hard, a decision you will always wonder about. Did I do the right thing? I do know only you can make this decision. Trust your gut instinct, it's our most powerful tool that we have at our disposal.

[Viv]

I once read about being in a relationship with someone who is Bipolar or how has a similar disorder -> "No matter how effective you are at helping him, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of yourself into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger."

 

Hi Mack

 

I just wanted to point out that that quote's about borderline personality disorder, which is really different from bipolar. As far as I know, if someone with bipolar is taking care of themselves, they can have very fulfilling relationships.

 

Viv