LDR234 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 we are a plane ride apart. he is stationed in the midwest and I am in LA. A week before he comes down for the weekend, he goes out with his friends to the bar. A few girls hit on him and tries to dance and offer him free beer (apparently, beer is cheap there and the women are cheaper --don't mean to offend mid-west girls, just those girls). Anyway, I curiously ask him about how these girls reacted to his response and all. He wasn't attracted to any of them, but one of them reminded him of me. She offered him a drink, but he refused saying he was DD and had a girlfriend. He talked to her for a little bit. She was nice and complained about her ex-husband not letting her see her 1-2 year old son--that the Ex is a contractor for the military and can provide him a better life than she can with her waitress job, but she misses her son nonetheless. By the end of the night, she is drunk and give my bf her number. I asked what her name was and he took a moment to remember. I joked with my bf that he should give it to his single friends Fast forward to the following weekend when he comes to see me, we are having a fabulous weekend, and then he gets a text message over breakfast. I glance at the phone and recognize her name... he saw the name and tried to put it in his pocket before I saw...I reach for the phone and ask why she was texting him and the first thing he said that she is just someone to talk to, there is nothing between them, he is just lending an ear to her problems---which is reasonable because he has female friends back home who text and call him from time to time to confide about their woeful love lives. I've never had a problem with him talking to his females friends, even the one with bad manners. I don't mind him flirting/dancing with girls at the bars or even stripclubs---as long as he doesn't go any further. Kissing them would be crossing the line, but so is exchanging numbers and keeping in contact, right? It bothers me. I know he is lonely in the middle of nowhere serving his country and could use an ear to talk to, but a girl who has shown interest in you at the bar? I want to tell him about how uncomfortable I am about this, but I don't want to make him think I'm am overbearing and insecure. I am also wondering if I could bring up the case about his ex-girlfriend who ended up cheating on him with another guy when they were in a long distance relationship back in college. This other guy flirted with her in class and eventually my bf picked up on what was going on a year into their relationship when he drove 5 hours down to see her and she kept texting the guy and confronted her. I want to "nip this in this in the bud" before it blossoms into something like what happened to him a few years ago. But how should I approach him about this? I want to choose my words carefully and would bringing up the story of the Ex make my case stronger or hurt him much deeper? some background info about our relationship: we met on the east coast (45 minutes driving distance apart for 6 months) I moved to the west coast [for him] and he was in training 3.5 hours driving distance away for 6 months. now we are 2 months into our 6 hour plane trip (if you include layovers and checking in) away.
Confusedbroken Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I would not be ok with this at all!!! He met this girl at a bar, she approached him obviously she wants him. It's not like his other friends who are girls, those friends have been friends with him and have not crossed any boundaries this woman just came into his life, she doesn't know you and doesn't seem to respect you and your relationship. And I've learned far too many times that ALOT of ppl don't think that a LDR is a real relationship, Manu times I had told guys that I have a bf and it's a LDR and they tell me "so, he's far away he will never know" it pisses me off and then they back down when I look very pissed about their response. Plus, your bf should damn well know better since he had this happen to him!! I would def bring it up, but try not to raise your voice or sound mad, try to sound concerned, and bring up how this is starting to sound "similar" to his situation.
Author LDR234 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 thank you confusedbroken, I really appreciate your advice. I don't have a lot of friends in long-distance relationships. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this. I haven't talked about this with him since he left since I've been working a lot and he's been sick (probably due to the temperature change of our locations) I will bring it up this weekend and see how it goes. I will take note to not raise my voice when I use his ex's story to back my argument. In the end, the choice is up to him about whether he wants to keep in contact with this girl. I want tell him that if he does start to develop for this girl that I need to be told to my face about this and end our relationship, cuz I can't handle this LDR with his feelings for another girl...
vsmini Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I want to "nip this in this in the bud" before it blossoms into something like what happened to him a few years ago. But how should I approach him about this? I want to choose my words carefully and would bringing up the story of the Ex make my case stronger or hurt him much deeper? Hey! Snap out of it. You have needs and something is bothering you. If you guys are in a real relationship you should be able to go to him with this and be honest with him and how you are feeling. Afraid of being needy? Oh well...you have needs and you should expect a lot from him - he is the guy you're choosing to be with and you don't pick just anyone. He should hear you out and give you an answer. Be honest and up front with him.
FitChick Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Since the exact same thing happened to him, he has firsthand knowledge of how you feel. I'd mention that story. If this continues, tell him since he is dating someone who looks like you because he misses you, you will do the same. I'd be tempted to crack, "I thought only real men were in the military?"
Author LDR234 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 He ended up saying he knew first hand what it felt like to be cheated on without me mentioning it first. He assured me that he will not exchange any more numbers with girls at bars who have interest in him. Thanks guys for the replies, I appreciate all of your advices!
Sake3838 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I noticed this has been resolved already, congratz However for future references hehe.. Stuff like that should be on a very concious level in my opinion. If lets say I was in his shoes and my girlfriendwas present. The first thing that runs through my head in that situation is how uncomfortable would this make my girlfriend feel? what is she thinking? and what is the best way for me to make her happy and not worried at all. then i proceed with the situation and how I reply it should be instinctive if you feel strongly about your partner but it seems like your boyfriend is a really good looking man haha maybe he got used to the attention and dependency of random rude insecure midwest girls
Lucky_One Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 He ended up saying he knew first hand what it felt like to be cheated on without me mentioning it first. He assured me that he will not exchange any more numbers with girls at bars who have interest in him. Thanks guys for the replies, I appreciate all of your advices! Did he also say that he would delete this girl's number and tell her to please not text him any more?
Author LDR234 Posted October 22, 2011 Author Posted October 22, 2011 lucky one: He said he would delete her number and not answer her texts anymore. I told him he could go to his cellphone account online and block it completely, but he doesn't want to figure that out. I'm the brainy one in the relationship. sake: hehe, I think he is most good looking man in the world (even though he doesn't think so ))) Besides that, he is in the military and apparently there is a lot of perks for marrying military--one of them being the opportunity to move to places all over US and the world. when he was on an online dating website he used to get a lot of messages from girls interested about his military career more than him. The military's strict hair length requirements make them stand out whenever they are at bars, so girls who wants to get out of small towns and see the world would flock to him and his friends. he and his friends usually calls these girls "prairie harpies". Thank you everyone for the replies!
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