bdbmwer Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hi im sure many of you have seen my recent threads and im at another crossroads.Me and my ex broke up 3 and a half weeks ago and I had kept things LC(only in our mutual class) up untill last wensday and when I decided id finally had enough and was to get my closure and move on.I removed her as a friend on fb 1 week after the break. So Wendsday I gave her her things in class(small stuff) and sat away from her. Immediately there was an effect as after class ended she called me on a new number so I had no idea it was her untill we were on the phone. She asked me to meet up with her and I did but she dropped a bomb on me telling me her parents are kicking her out of the house because of her poor choice of friends and crazy behavior(theyre very conservative). I kept my dignity by saying "What do you want me to do" and she said it was a bad idea to contact me so i left. I left her a note I was using to help me move on at her house on friday basically agreeing with the breakup,telling her how its helping me improve, and that maybe well give things another go further down the road but definately not now and wishing her best of luck. So monday (yesterday) rolls around and im feeling good I got the weight off my chest and im ready to move on. I come into class sit away from her and conversate with everyone around me and can see in my peripheral her eyeing me. Once again NC took its toll and JUST NOW that night she sends me a text saying "whyd you remove me from fb?" to which I ignored. SO basically ive developed a theory and correct me if im wrong. Im almost positive she noticed I removed her long before this but didnt bring it up because i was still around in LC and she had comfort. Also regarding the meet and talk about her removal from her home . I think she knew that his was a false threat because theyve tried before. These 2 things combined lead me to believe that she is trying to outreach to me but stay gaurded. I think she is looking for reasons to communicate with me while making it appear it has more to do with her and not a care for me if that makes sense? such as she knew she wouldnt get kicked out but wanted to use it as a reason to have convo and likewise with the fb question without straight up saying "how are you feeling?" Does this sound founded on logic or completely out there? Ive been told by multiple people that she still has feelings and her actions reflect it. I even noticed in photos she took up cutting herself again since the break like she did after her last breakup that hurt her.(red flag I know please overlook this).As of now I plan on continuing NC as it appears to have a profound effect on her. When she was with me she would bring up her ex's so i know she has a hard time letting go. and shes currently seeing a new guy that was "just a friend" during our relationship shortly after our break and I KNOW shes still thinking of me and comparing me to his no good coke dealing self. however for some reason she refuses to bring him up even when I invite the notion through things i mention in convo.Why? does she really think I dont know? Now onto the main purpose for this topic =D sorry for the pre-ramble. I stayed friends with her friend whom i dont know too well except for through my ex for the purpose of her snooping and reporting things back to my ex that im doing and pics of me having fun but removed my ex to heal and so she herself cant pry and theres some mystery. However lately this mutual friend has been posting all kinds of pics of my ex , changing her profile pic to ones including my ex. and ALWAYS without missing makes a status about her going to the club with her girls which I know who it includes and my ex ALWAYS likes the status. Are they really being that immature and just trying to make me miss her?(why when she dumped ME!) or am I just overanalyzing and would it be better to remove her or just unsubscribe(I just did) so it doesnt effect me? I know the answer for healing purposes but with reconciliation in mind I know that some doors once closed are rather permanent. why cant she just let me move on in peace? its like shes bitter for me moving on. In class today she eyed me the entire time and she deliberately talked louder then was necessary and asked this fraternity guy for paper and then followed up with " thanks i love you!" and was trying to talk to him more at the end of class. This is someone whom shes sat near the entire time weve had school and hasnt said one word to untill now. Then as class is released she like beelines across the room to try to quickly leave the room and instead ends up directly behind me as we leave and no eye contact no hi no smile no nothing was exchanged.....so much for keeping things civil. Regardless of all this I still plan on moving on, contuing NC for now and am not forgetting that IM the prize. I guess I just seek understanding. Any input good or bad is appreciated thank you
Author bdbmwer Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 any help please? and do I ignore her friends that im on good terms with if they text me?(which theyre doing) or is this just my ex trying to figure out what im up to through them
flitzanu Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 ok that doesn't even make sense, my friend, sorry. if you are friends with HER friend...she's not your friend. just take my word. everything you do and say will get back to your ex. as for your "friend" posting pictures of her and HER FRIENDS, why would you assume that's anything to do with you? perhaps the friend is actually going out and having fun?? it's not always about YOU, don't think that it is. and block your ex on fb, and delete the friend.
Author bdbmwer Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Im not trying to say everything she does is about me and making me jealous but i do think as a close friend of my exs shes definately not completely innocent. But youre probably right that im percieving some things to have more meaning then they do. So youre saying regardless of her friend being my friend on fb shell still find out about things so theres no need for me to have her as my friend correct? and how do i remove her wthout coming off as spiteful or caring more about the breakup than i do
flitzanu Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 well ask yourself this, this way: would you even notice what that friend is doing if she wasn't friends with your ex, and just some random girl? no. you notice because you want it to mean something. but who knows, maybe they're catty bitches and trying to hurt your feelings. as for "mutual" friends, don't believe it. YOUR friends are yours, HERS are hers. it doesn't matter, because her galpals are going to be loyal to HER, not to you. sad as it is, because i can relate how you feel on this nonsense, is that it's best to remove anyone that is positively supporting your ex. just unfriend them, and BLOCK your ex. you're never going to heal if you have access to stalk her every move on fb.
Author bdbmwer Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 interesting perspective makes a lot of sense. Youre right i wouldnt notice. however I have enough willpower not to check on their pages especially since i unsubscribed. Yea they definately arent mutual its more her friends that I got along with and say hi when I see them nothing more. Theyre out. however I am in the second chances board so reconciliation is in mind. not JUST to move on
Author bdbmwer Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 When im keeping no contact and my ex keeps texting me about small stupid things like "what is our professors email? and " whyd you delete me from fb?" am i justified in not responding or am I being juvenile and should atleast give her short answers?
flitzanu Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 NC means NC. you're not the only person she knows. her breaking up with you means she doesn't want you in her life, so don't give her the option of you being around to talk to her.
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