mkpark0430 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hi, My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now and we consider our relationship as a pretty serious one. He just left for college this past September on confident terms that we will stay together. We both knew it would be really hard but that it would be worth going into. But now that it's been a little over a month, we can't seem to talk to each other without fighting. Our main means of communication are through fb chatting and skyping but now it's reduced to barely any skype - so no face to face time. The problem is that he thinks I'm asking for too much. Going into this, I made it clear that I wanted to talk every day, even if it might be brief, and he agreed to it. Now he says he doesn't have enough time. Of course I understand how busy college is, and how different it is from high school, but I can't help but feel disappointed when he seems to put everyday things like eating dinner with his friends or sitting at cafes for hours at a time talking with his friends before taking some time to talk to me (when I say dinner, not a special event dinner but just his regular everyday cafeteria meal). There hasn't been one time that he decided to stay in his dorm just for the sake of getting some quality time with me. I try to keep as much time as I can for communicating with him, so I just can't see why he can't do that when he does in fact have free time from studying. He claims he's trying, even mentioning that his friends say that "he better not be talking to me every day," but it just doesn't show. When we do get a few minutes to talk, it's always superficial things like how our day was, how much homework we have, etc cause he simply does not take the time for us to discuss deeper things. Even when I'm having a really bad day and I'm trying to tell him about it, he interrupts our conversation to go meet other people. Of course I'd be understanding if he truly was up to his ears with college work with no time to spare, but he seems to be spending so much time with his new friends. Am I asking for too much? You need to know though that before he left we were a very close couple. Even though we went to different high schools he'd pick me up almost every day after school and we would talk for hours every single day, whether it be in person or over skype. It got to the point where a day when one of us couldn't talk would seem so unusual and out of place. Help please?
Confusedbroken Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 one thing i learned from my LDR is that you cannot talk to eachother everyday!! even though it sounds good and cute what ends up happening is that you start to only talk about the common day stuff and never get into deep conversations!!! so even though you want to talk to him every day you have to let it go and try talking only on weekends, try to set aside a time that works for both of you! and if you call him on days that you havent scheduled be prepared to have a brief conversation. me and my bf talk for hours once a week and for about 15 min two to three times a week, so about three times total in a week. now if you read my post you wil see that my relationship is not going so good, BUT it has nothing to do with our communication or fights or anything like that, we have been in the "perfect" LDR, if he were still living in the same city as me right now i would still have the problem im going through right now with him. so trust me trying to only talk on a max of three times a week is healthy! that way you can have time to get into deep conversations!
LDR234 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Hey there, i can understand both your perspective. first year of college is really fun: new people, new place and the time you have on your hand is at your control. But talking everyday on an LDR is hard. Do you have unlimited texting? My bf and I text all the time. He is a whole plane ride away. We try to skype as much as possible, but with our schedules, it is hard. I work in a classified area (no cellphones allowed)and sometimes I take on weird shift hours 2pm to 10pm sometimes even 10pm to 5am. we text eachother like crazy and when we get to our phone we reply. When we do get some down time we skype or he sings me to sleep (if he is awake still). I know in college I would call up friends as I walk out my last class and back to my dorm. maybe you should have him do that or text you whenever he has free time and schedule some last minute call that night...just some suggestions
Author mkpark0430 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 so trust me trying to only talk on a max of three times a week is healthy! that way you can have time to get into deep conversations! Yeah... I should really try to loosen up on the talking-ever-day thing. Thanks for your reply! I hope everything goes well with your relationship.
Author mkpark0430 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Do you have unlimited texting? No, unfortunately I don't have unlimited texting at the moment. I usually have access to my computer throughout the day though, and since my bf has the facebook app on his phone, we treat fb messaging like texting. Thanks for the insight!
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