LoveNoob Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) ARGH, it hurts, i just want to tell my ex-GF everything i feel: "You broke up with me because you felt you werent special enough to me? Godsdarnit woman i'd give my left leg and arm for you. So what if you have issues that cause us to not be able to take the relationship further till you overcome your phobias? There are plenty of things we can still try to overcome your phobia. And i dont care about having to move to your country once that time comes. I have been looking forward and living for it for the past 3 years. How the hell am i supposed to just give up all our hopes and dreams of the past 3 years? How do i just stop thinking about you as my future wife? You said it would make us both happier, that you would be easily replaced by someone just as good as you. And that you could live without feeling guilty about "holding me back" That after a few months i would be happier. It's been 3 fraking months and i still feel like crap. The amount of nights i cried in my bed like some spineless emotional moron. EXPLAIN THAT! How is that me being happier? Time after time after time i get fraking dumped by stupid reasons by girls. I guess in that area you are indeed NOT special as you do the exact same bloody thing! And now you have started dating someone else. Am i replaced now? Do you feel special now? BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK DONT FEEL LIKE I WAS SPECIAL ANYMORE! How can you admit to still love me and be sexually and romantically interested in me in the same conversation as you telling me you're dating someone else and detailing your fun nights out with your new lesbian girlfriend? EXPLAIN THAT ! Owh and you wanted to stay friends and seem confused how it might hurt me to so. Like that best friend you had that fell in love with you 2 years ago and when you had to turn him down and he broke contact. Owh i remember you being sad and pissed off at him for "abandoning you". I swear if you blame me for breaking contact you are a huge fool. I do not know anymore...i want you back that's all i know, i want to fix things and start with a clean slate. But you know that, stupid as i was i kept hitting you with that fact the past 3 months and probably shot myself in the foot. Part of me wants to break contact, make you miss me. Make you cry in your pillow as you wish i was still in your life and make you dump your new "fling" and run back to me, begging me to take you back. Assuming of course you will miss me, if i indeed was the biggest love of your life as you claimed the past years and even at the break-up. Other part of me wants to stay friends, i care about you and you're great company, even when we started out as just friends 3,5 years ago. I wish i could switch off my feelings for you so i could do that at least. But i havent found the off-switch yet. That stupid stupid moronic part of me actually still thinks that if just be a friend and not do anything or show anything beyond that, you might feel not guilty anymore, maybe after your fling ends you wil feel good enough to try it again with the one person who stuck with you through thick and thin the past 3,5 years. The person you called your soulmate. Or maybe when i cannot stop thinking about you late at night in bed, you are with her or thinking of her, not caring anymore what i feel or do, or how much happier i was with you before this mess started. Maybe you feel like you "did the right thing" or some bull**** like that, maybe you are proud of yourself for the "tough choice" you made. Right, hiding from your issues and guilt by breaking my heart. Well done, idiot! Now i feel so alone, and i miss your hugs and patronizing pats on my back when i make a silly joke. How you practically hugtackled me when i came home and you were there to greet me. How you found me the sexiest guy on the planet, after Will Smith. How you wanted my babies, marry me, grow old with me. Now, i already feel old, and lonely. I'm sick and i have a fever but my bed feels cold as ice without your love for me. I hope you have yet to feel the full force of missing me. If so, good luck in dealing with it. And good luck with your new relationship, wonder how long till it falls apart like the dozens of other relationships you had before me." Feeling better now...i need to go to sleep... NC: 3 days and counting, i'd rather be a cocaïne addict.../sigh Edited October 13, 2011 by LoveNoob
brokenheartedinaz Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I feel your pain. I joined this forum cause there are so many people like you and I who are feeling the exact same way as you.
Author LoveNoob Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Thanks Inaz, What's interesting is that the past 12 hours or so i started to get angry at her and think bad things about her. Also, last night i was talking to my friend about her and we both agreed how she was far less "lovely" and friendly than she used to be, and has changed a lot in how she treated both me, and him, the past year. 3 years ago she was the kind of girl that was cute, adorable, compassionate and always polite and friendly. And that slowly changed about 1-1,5 year ago. She's now more selfish, grumpy/bitchy, ruder and flat out ignores me and my friend sometimes when the topic isnt something she brought up herself or is interested in. But appearantly all her classmates in uni and people in clubs etc adore her like she's still the girl she was 3 years ago, and it's likely she is still acting like that to them atleast. Probably because she loves attention but i guess once people become less fresh for her she cuts back on returning the attention and responds to lots of conversations with a simple "ok". Well, i dailed the attention i'm giving her back to 0 since last sunday when she drunkingly told me she was dating anther girl now, and the painful details of what she did together with her on their nights out. It's typical of her that when she told me all that she seemed happy and cheerful, but when i talked back about not liking to hear that and that i'd back away, appearantly her attention dropped back to 0 again. My friend told me it likely hasent sunk in with her yet she has now lost me 100%, completely. I hope he's right and that she'll realise her mistake and foolishness.
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