redblack66 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I keep observing there is a good number of women keep getting attracted to men that have a drinking problem. How can one explain this.
mike588 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I keep observing there is a good number of women keep getting attracted to men that have a drinking problem. How can one explain this. Maybe they have a drinking problem too and are comfortable with it,,, birds of feather flock together.
radiodarcy Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 i agree with mike, maybe the women who are attracted to men who drink a lot like to drink as well. i'm certainly not attracted to men who drink too much. having been raised in an alcoholic household, i steer clear of men who drink (even though it was my mother who was the alcoholic). i don't mind if a guy has a few beers. i'll even have a glass of wine every now and then (and by that i mean once every six months). but if he's drinking to get drunk then i have no interest in pursuing anything further.
carhill Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Another potential is they are attracted to the man *and* he happens to be an alcoholic. One way to find out is for the guy to dry out and observe whether or not the woman is still attracted to him. I make this observation from experiences with women; in some cases, the alcohol is facilitating personality and behaviors which fuel the attraction. In others, it's merely a functional tool (a coping mechanism) and personality and behavior changes little. It all depends on the person.
Glove_slap Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 This is true, and this is because women always want to "fix" men. They seek problems within us, some obvious others not so and always try to fix us to their liking. Some even cause the problem in order to fix. Women get too bored with a "perfect man".
Zabs Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 EASY answer.... I can either give the long ass or the concise....yawn! Lol...(celebrating with a chilled glass of Zinfadel) Usually one of three reasons; a) Normality..In dysfunctional households...(prety much the norm these days) people can absorb their environment into later life...thinking like they got through it...tat was their normal...and it doesn't seem as absurd compared to a person who did NOT grow up with alcoholism suffocating the air they breathe... b) The individual has 'needs' of their own...If another was to judge..there's always the old Pot, Kettle,Black excuse... c) The person is a rescuer...lives in a land where they truly BELIEVE that if THEY can just show the disaffected how life can be..they will change and blah de blah. But primarily, this is to do with the insecurities within...and nothing to do with the drinker. Notably, could be any addiction, or dependence even if it's something less sinister... SOme people get their self worth by being NEEDED by others...end of Zabs xx
Author redblack66 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 EASY answer.... I can either give the long ass or the concise....yawn! Lol...(celebrating with a chilled glass of Zinfadel) Usually one of three reasons; a) Normality..In dysfunctional households...(prety much the norm these days) people can absorb their environment into later life...thinking like they got through it...tat was their normal...and it doesn't seem as absurd compared to a person who did NOT grow up with alcoholism suffocating the air they breathe... b) The individual has 'needs' of their own...If another was to judge..there's always the old Pot, Kettle,Black excuse... c) The person is a rescuer...lives in a land where they truly BELIEVE that if THEY can just show the disaffected how life can be..they will change and blah de blah. But primarily, this is to do with the insecurities within...and nothing to do with the drinker. Notably, could be any addiction, or dependence even if it's something less sinister... SOme people get their self worth by being NEEDED by others...end of Zabs xx So true!!! My last GF fits all this. Father drinking all the time and left them. Ex husband the same, second BF the same, third the same, and then I appear very normal, nothing to fix, no drama, and she is back with third one. I told her she keeps getting with her father, and she said "how true." She also has the lowest self esteem I have seen in a person.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Sounds like she doesn't know how to function in a normal realtionship, how to respond, how to be just herself. The differences seem to scare her although it is not really what she wants.. I guess there is a lot to be said for the comfy slippers syndrome afer all...more's the pity Zabs xx
Author redblack66 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 The differences seem to scare her although it is not really what she wants.. I guess there is a lot to be said for the comfy slippers syndrome afer all...more's the pity Zabs xx Thanks for your reply, yes, I thought she does not know how to function in a normal situation. However, I can't understand what you mean by the above two sentences.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 meaning taking a chance in a normal relationship is a change - change is scary because you cannot predict what is going to happen next...hence wearing comfy slippers - meaning being staying with a partner who you can predict.. Zabs xx
Author redblack66 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 meaning taking a chance in a normal relationship is a change - change is scary because you cannot predict what is going to happen next...hence wearing comfy slippers - meaning being staying with a partner who you can predict.. Zabs xx Yes, she was worried I may dump her, which is far from the truth. Way too good for her to be real, what was happening in her life. Anyhow, I am trying to move on, going on dates, but not getting serious, just to keep the fun and my thoughts away from her, which is damn hard.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 If you are meant to be itt will be...that's how I think of things now.. The reason I say that is because life changes your circumstances, opportunities etc all the time...I gotta confess...although I still talk about him much and I would love to be with him...it can ONLY and will ONLY be on my terms...which is a turn up from how it used to be. I am not bothered if we don't reconcile...because I am starting to break destructive cycles that I have been involved in for much of my life...and things seem much clearer now.. Whether they see that in time...only time will tell Red Zabs xx
Author redblack66 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 If you are meant to be itt will be...that's how I think of things now.. The reason I say that is because life changes your circumstances, opportunities etc all the time...I gotta confess...although I still talk about him much and I would love to be with him...it can ONLY and will ONLY be on my terms...which is a turn up from how it used to be. I am not bothered if we don't reconcile...because I am starting to break destructive cycles that I have been involved in for much of my life...and things seem much clearer now.. Whether they see that in time...only time will tell Red Zabs xx I am in the same boat: not only my terms, but she needs to grow up of that and come on my terms by understanding that she need to do that. However, for this too happen, she needs to hit a wall or rock bottom. Otherwise, I do not see how she will figure things out, and I do not see her hitting a wall anytime soon.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Well whether you are around or not to kiss the bruises better...that wall is gonna hurt...a lot! Zx
Author redblack66 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Well whether you are around or not to kiss the bruises better...that wall is gonna hurt...a lot! Zx Yes, it is called karma, or simply what goes around comes around. People don't get hit immediately when they hurt badly a person. They get hit in the near (or far) future, but then the hit is very painful. I have observed this in so many cases. Saying that, I do not wish bad anybody. I told my ex at the time I am praying for her, which was true.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Well that shows sincere integrity on your part...be proud of that...it makes you stronger.. Zx:D
Author redblack66 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Well that shows sincere integrity on your part...be proud of that...it makes you stronger.. Zx:D Do you have any idea how difficult is to meet somebody that understands what integrity is and she/he has integrity as well.
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 The proof is in the pudding Our Reds! We shall see...don't dwell on her qualities..it doesn't do well for us... Zx
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