eleanorhurting Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 i am a medical student and for some reason i cant get away from the last person i dated!! i was telling my friends i wanted to Go to a german restaurant this saturday for octoberfest and they told me my ex already planned an event on facebook for Our class to go on saturday. i knew he was mr social when we were dating but somehow now it seems i either have to hide in a cave or get used to seeing him at social events and muster the courage not to die. at least im going to nyc during my free week next week to spend time with my non med friends
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 What do u guys think? i definitely should not go or see if someone wants to go on a different day with me right? i wish i had a life outside of medical school and that they actually lived nearby
Tony T Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You should go to the event and get used to seeing your ex around. YOU have control of your feelings. You don't need to let it bother you. If you can work around people with their limbs chopped off or their gutts hanging out and not having it bother you, you can be around your ex. If it helps, when you see him, in your mind imagine a big pile of manure. You may just laugh...in any case it won't bother you. Don't shut your life down because you need to avoid somebody. Matter of fact, when you start seeing him in a new light you may not be nearly as fond of him as you used to be. Don't avoid things in life, confront them. If you see him face to face, say "hello", exchange pleasantries and move on. Find another friend to hang close to if you have to. GO TO THE PARTY!!!
carhill Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Since your ex is apparently a schoolmate who moves in the same social circles, purposely move to expand yours outside of medical school into other interests. Most doctors and med students I've known are bright, driven people who have a myriad of interests. You're bound to have some which don't match up with your ex. If you don't, find some. Emotional and physical distance is part of the moving on equation. You have choices. Wrt your specific question, if you like the restaurant in question, go there when you know your ex won't be there, since you apparently have issues being around him. Accept that.
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 i know i know. i think i was just whining out loud. time to do something about it.
carhill Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I've noted most of your threads look largely like an online journal. Re-reading this one, there is no question asked, so I'll offer my best wishes for a healthy resolution Myself, I'd probably follow Tony's advice and go to the party, but that's me and my dynamic with my exW. Your situation is unique to you. Good luck.
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 i know i know. i think i was just whining out loud. time to do something about it.
Author eleanorhurting Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 But what about NC? Shouldnt I avoid him at all costs? Could this set me back in my healing? When i was planning my trip to NYC i was debating whether i should stay until friday the 21st or 22nd because there is a halloween party the 21st and all I could think about was "oh my god what will X think when I see him how am i going to act when i see him how am i going to pretend not to care when i see him". I realized i was goign to pass up a friday night in NYC with my friends because I wanted to go to a halloween party to obsess about my recent X and what his reaction would be when he seems me. Seriously i cant let him control my life like that! Maybe its just better if i stay away? It felt good to decide to stay an extra night rather than go to an event which at this point in my healing would have probably set me back. Solution (for now): Go to octoberfest the last weekend with another friend adn volunteer at a health fair this saturday! much better right?
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