Help! Seen Video Of Wife Having Sex Before We Met

[realtrauma98]

i really need help. i found a videotape of my wife having sex with another man. the incident happened before we were together; but i can't get over the visuals of it. the tape has made me insecure in alot of other ways as well. my wife has two children (2 different fathers) . and although she is with me, i can't help thinking she would rather be with her last husband/baby daddy. how can i get over these feelings? sometimes she doesnt treat me very well, and i cant help wondering if it is because i am not her first choice. i love her, but, this is tearing me apart inside. we have been together for 3 years now. and i have been tormented by this video for most of the relationship. i am alright some days but other days it really messes with me. should i just let her go? i need some feedback please.........

[Pyrannaste]

How did you find the videotape? Were you snooping or did you find it by accident?

If so it would have been considerate of your wife to hid it better!!!!!

 

Does your wife knows you got your hands on the video?

If so you could ask her to throw it away, or at the very least put it in a sellotaped box on a cupboard, or somewhere else well hidden, so you can be sure a) she won't watch it (which I'd find *extremely*disrespectful) b) you won't have the tape under your eyes all the time.

 

Try to get over watching that video.

You really knew your wife had sex with someone else, didn't you?

I understand very well that it can be a nasty shock to witness your wife having sex with someone else, but remember *it does not belong to the present*, it's stuff from the past, don't allow it to keep haunting you.

It might feel like you walked in while your wife was having sex with some other guy, but it's NOT really like that.

 

Is the tape the only reason you feel insecure?

What does she do not to treat you well? Is she nice most of the time?

Don't think you are second choice..... why on heart would she like better be with her ex?

 

I also think that if you videotaped the both of you while having sex, the sex on the video will look as passionate as with her ex, if not better.

 

If you told your wife about the video....how did she react?

[Thinkalot]

I echo everything said in Pyrannaste's reply. But, boy oh boy, I can empathise with you!It must be tough to have seen that. But past is past. Focus on the present. I have trouble with that myself actually...but with effort, you can get there...especially if all else in the relationship is good. It does sound like there may be other things bothering you as well though?

[capitald]

I would not get too bent out of shape about it but I would go somewhere were no one was looking and destroy it. Smashing it into the concrete would work best as it would get out those hurt or aggressive feelings. Your wife will understand why you did it. As for those feelings maybe you need to communicate your feelings more with her and eventually she may open up to you. Create a safe environment for openness, love and caring.

[shortbus74]

the past is in the past... we all do things we can not change... live for today.

Thank god (or what you believe in) that you have someone to share your life with.