Isitover Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I've been married for many years. We have children. We've had our ups and downs throughout. He is very attractive, confident, outspoken, cocky, and smart. At one time I was very attracted to this. He has, for many years now, made me feel as though I am not an equal in our relationship. He is demeaning. He has never been physically abusive. There are times when I tell my self (because I often hear it from him) to "get over it", that it's not that big a deal. There are so many relationships I see that their husbands treat them so good and many of the wives take it for granite and don't even "put out", sorry if I shouldn't say that on this site. My husband and I have a great "bedroom" life. But outside that, it's just there. As I get older I realize this is not what I want in a marriage. I want someone who adores me like I could adore them. I want to be like this with my husband. There are so many more things I want to do for him and with him. I want to tell him sweet stuff all the time, but I have so much anger and resentment that it is so hard. I have told him how I feel. He doesn't see it and seems to turn everything around to make it my fault. I am not sure if I should just put my big girl pants on and deal with it or let go. Is this where all long term marriages end up? Are there any couples out there that after over 20 years still feel that love & passion that they used to?
jennicathomas Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Communication is really important in every relationship giving sometime to have a one on one talk with your spouse about your day would be a good way to resolve the problems about your relationship and talk about the issues you have with one another. Set aside the anger and show him the unconditional love you want to show him.
rayannebrennan Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I agree. try talking to him some. Explain to him how you feel and what you want out of the relationship. If he doesn't want to listen, try going about it a different way and see if that works. If you get to the point where you honestly feel like you've tried everything, see if you can stay at a friends house or a family members house for a few days. He may realize that without you being there that he needs to straiten up some.
joseph17 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Communication is a key factor in any relationship. If he doesn't want to listen to you then maybe you should try some marriage counseling before throwing in the towel. If you still have sexual chemistry after this long then that is very good also as that is important. Just tell your husband how you feel and let him know that this is a serious matter. You know the "we need to talk" statement. Good luck and I hope you the best
Author Isitover Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 We have started marriage couseling and have had a few sessions. The counselor has pointed out a few of his "issues" and told him point blank that he is wrong for this. He has a hard time accepting that, and has a way of making it my fault he is like that. For years I have just let things go to avoid agruments. Now I am begining to speak up and he is not liking it. He says that my independence makes him think that I do not want to be married. That is not the case. What bothers me is that I have told a couple of close friends and my mom that we are having problems and they all tell me that he has always been a jerk and not treated me like I should be treated and that I am just now starting to see it. Then I start to question myself whether I want it to be like this for the rest of my life or should I just deal with it for the sake of kids. It breaks my heart to even think about sharing custody. I can't imagine only seeing my kids ever other weekend and have them every other holiday. My son has also started disrespecting me because of what he sees. The counselor has also told my husband that this is learned from what he sees. That scares me. I have seen a small change in my husband since counseling. I just don't know if it is genuine. What if he can't change? Can I feel that kind of love back for him? I know that he loves and cares for me, I just wish he wasn't such a jerk sometimes.
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