ken_25 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Thanks, I needed that,ha. As far as her being immature I'm not sure if you mean in age,(she's 45) or immature in other ways?? emotional immaturity.
M2155 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) M1, I have a hard time believing that. You're saying not cheating and being a good communicator are "tactics"? Why? Your ideal boyfriend should have integrity, he shouldn't cheat, he should be a good communicator, he should treat you and your friends and family with respect unless they're completely disrespectful to him. How do you not think of these things when you think of what your ideal man is? Other than communication and hygieine, yes I see a lot of tactics on the list (you shouldn't cheat if communication is working- you would break it off first). My comment is based on: They go on to say if you do MOST,not all of these things your GUARANTEED to to keep her My point is that if attraction is not there, no amount of shopping, affection, random texts etc... is guaranteed to keep me. The rest of this list is great and any good boyfriend will do a lot of these things because you are important to him. It should definitely be mutual, appreciated and reciprocated. So maybe I should have said these other things are "secondary" to qualities like sharing a common vision, sense of humor, emotional connection, ambition, desire to experience new things, the personality-type I like etc.. So no I would not go about describing my perfect boyfriend as someone who helps around the house. That doesn't mean I would not appreciate that, but it's not a dealbreaker. Mike588 did all these things all day long and it just means he was emotionally invested in her. She couldn't appreciate it because she was invested in someone else. His intentions were genuine and I'm sure much appreciated, but nothing he did "tactics" (several on this list) could change what was in his ex's heart. Edited October 12, 2011 by M2155
ken_25 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Other than communication and hygieine, yes I see a lot of tactics on the list (you shouldn't cheat if communication is working- you would break it off first). My comment is based on: They go on to say if you do MOST,not all of these things your GUARANTEED to to keep her My point is that if attraction is not there, no amount of shopping, affection, random texts etc... is guaranteed to keep me. The rest of this list is great and any good boyfriend will do a lot of these things because you are important to him. It should definitely be mutual, appreciated and reciprocated. So maybe I should have said these other things are "secondary" to qualities like sharing a common vision, sense of humor, emotional connection, ambition, desire to experience new things, the personality-type I like etc.. So no I would not go about describing my perfect boyfriend as someone who helps around the house. That doesn't mean I would not appreciate that, but it's not a dealbreaker. Mike588 did all these things all day long and it just means he was emotionally invested in her. She couldn't appreciate it because she was invested in someone else. His intentions were genuine and I'm sure much appreciated, but nothing he did "tactics" (several on this list) could change what was in his ex's heart. I can understand seeing most of the other things as tactics, but I was asking why only those things I mentioned in particular are seen as tactics to you. And when I asked why wouldn't you think of these things when you're describing your ideal man, i was only talking about what I actually mentioned, doing the dishes and whatever else was on that list isn't what I was talking about.
M2155 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I can understand seeing most of the other things as tactics, but I was asking why only those things I mentioned in particular are seen as tactics to you. And when I asked why wouldn't you think of these things when you're describing your ideal man, i was only talking about what I actually mentioned, doing the dishes and whatever else was on that list isn't what I was talking about. I agree on communicating and by default cheating. I didn't see integrity on the list but that would be of course. Personally I probably would not define/describe the perfect man by how they treat my friends/family...or let's say that's lower on the list. I can handle if you don't care for my friends or family as long as you respect my relationship with my friends/family. As long as you are respectful it's not a dealbreaker (for me) if you don't go out of your way to "be good" to them. Now I have friends where not loving their family is totally out of the question so I can see how that would be important, let's just say if everything else was great but he hated my family, I would be okay with that.
ken_25 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I agree on communicating and by default cheating. I didn't see integrity on the list but that would be of course. Personally I probably would not define/describe the perfect man by how they treat my friends/family...or let's say that's lower on the list. I can handle if you don't care for my friends or family as long as you respect my relationship with my friends/family. As long as you are respectful it's not a dealbreaker (for me) if you don't go out of your way to "be good" to them. Now I have friends where not loving their family is totally out of the question so I can see how that would be important, let's just say if everything else was great but he hated my family, I would be okay with that. Yeah I kind of threw integrity in there, just because I guess it should be haha. For me being good is more about showing respect towards family and friends. So i guess maybe my interpretation of that could of been wrong, but thats what popped up in my head. If I introduce you to my family, I would like to see them make eye contact, be friendly, no talking down, etc. Too me it's important, but I gotcha. Sorry I didn't mean for this to seem like I'm grilling you or something. Much love m2.
cptwinks Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hello I'm new to this site but I have been in your shoes. Some of those things you listed to keep a girlfriend sure are good however you don't want to be a door mat either. Some of the sexiest things I have been told from woman are to be a man, but to also be a gentleman. If you are kind but firm then anyone who loses you is losing out on a great thing. I live in a college town and the majority of woman here don't know what to do when someone treats them nice. I have treated woman nice, but I have been a puppy dog, and not confident. BIG MISTAKE, kind yet firm even gets back an ex when you show that you are a stronger person. Hope this helps
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Hello I'm new to this site but I have been in your shoes. Some of those things you listed to keep a girlfriend sure are good however you don't want to be a door mat either. Some of the sexiest things I have been told from woman are to be a man, but to also be a gentleman. If you are kind but firm then anyone who loses you is losing out on a great thing. I live in a college town and the majority of woman here don't know what to do when someone treats them nice. I have treated woman nice, but I have been a puppy dog, and not confident. BIG MISTAKE, kind yet firm even gets back an ex when you show that you are a stronger person. Hope this helps Welcome to Love Shack. Thanks for your feedback. There is a fine line when doing all those things ,you don't want to come across as whipped or a wuss.
TLCbear Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I totally agree with geegirl...doing all of these things doesn't make you less of a man or having no backbone. The key to it is doing it for someone who APPRECIATES it....and it's pretty easy to figure that out. Too many of men these days, go out of their way to do these things for women they KNOW do not deserve this...and when they get burnt, they want to carry around the baggage and hurt every other woman that comes in their path.
M2155 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Sorry I didn't mean for this to seem like I'm grilling you or something. Much love m2. No sweat! I totally agree with geegirl...doing all of these things doesn't make you less of a man or having no backbone. The key to it is doing it for someone who APPRECIATES it....and it's pretty easy to figure that out. Too many of men these days, go out of their way to do these things for women they KNOW do not deserve this...and when they get burnt, they want to carry around the baggage and hurt every other woman that comes in their path. This goes both ways too. I know I'm guilty- did the right things for the wrong guy. If he really deserved/appreciated/reciprocated it wouldn't have = being run all over.
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