mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 A few nights ago I was cruzin the web and came across many sites: Are you a good boyfriend? How to be a great boyfriend! As I read some of these sites I couldn't help but shake my head in wonder and frustration because I did 95% of these things (without being a door mat)but still got dumped.I made a similar thread here several months ago but some may have missed it or your a newbee to LS. Are you a good boyfriend/ How to be a great boyfriend. They go on to say if you do MOST,not all of these things your GUARANTEED to to keep her!!! Hold her hand,show affection in public? Put her sexual pleasure ahead of hers? Good Communications? Listen to her? Ocassionally surprise her with small gifts? Help around the house, do the dishes other? Tell her shes beautiful,pretty and she knows you mean it? Take her out to dinner, movies? Tell her you love her and mean it. Give her space? Be romantic? Send/bring her flowers other. Be good to her family/friends? Call, text her for no reason just to tell her you love her, miss her? Have good hygine? Never cheat, always be on time? Snuggle on couch/in bed? Go shopping with her? There are surely others but they say these are the most important and if you do MOST,,, MOST of these things she WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU!!! Anybody elses g/f haul ass too after doing MOST of these things.ha Must be GIGS?
redblack66 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 A few nights ago I was cruzin the web and came across many sites: Are you a good boyfriend? How to be a great boyfriend! As I read some of these sites I couldn't help but shake my head in wonder and frustration because I did 95% of these things (without being a door mat)but still got dumped.I made a similar thread here several months ago but some may have missed it or your a newbee to LS. Are you a good boyfriend/ How to be a great boyfriend. They go on to say if you do MOST,not all of these things your GUARANTEED to to keep her!!! Hold her hand,show affection in public? Put her sexual pleasure ahead of hers? Good Communications? Listen to her? Ocassionally surprise her with small gifts? Help around the house, do the dishes other? Tell her shes beautiful,pretty and she knows you mean it? Take her out to dinner, movies? Tell her you love her and mean it. Give her space? Be romantic? Send/bring her flowers other. Be good to her family/friends? Call, text her for no reason just to tell her you love her, miss her? Have good hygine? Never cheat, always be on time? Snuggle on couch/in bed? Go shopping with her? There are surely others but they say these are the most important and if you do MOST,,, MOST of these things she WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU!!! Anybody elses g/f haul ass too after doing MOST of these things.ha Must be GIGS? You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on. One of my friends is treating his wife quite poorly, and he is freaking smart. When I asked him why, he said if I don't, somebody else will treat her like that and she will love him. He bought her a scale as a birthday gift so she knows she needs to loose weight. Makes sense? I have been around, and I tell you it does make sense.
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on. One of my friends is treating his wife quite poorly, and he is freaking smart. When I asked him why, he said if I don't, somebody else will treat her like that and she will love him. He bought her a scale as a birthday gift so she knows she needs to loose weight. Makes sense? I have been around, and I tell you it does make sense. I'll never do all those things again, I learned my lesson! Makes sense, my ex. told me before she dumped me (she went back to her ex) that he was distant, not in miles. Guess that's what turns her on.
PegNosePete Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yes that sounds like a great way to become a pussywhipped doormat. You will be the typical "nice guy" and then be surprised when she goes off with a "bad boy". That list is a list of what women tell you they want in a man. What they actually want in a man is someone with a backbone.
TheDovic Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on. QUOTE] EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!! Just because someone created this quiz doesn't mean they know what they're talkin about Mike
redblack66 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on. QUOTE] EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!! Just because someone created this quiz doesn't mean they know what they're talkin about Mike See my tread about she went back to ex boyfriend. She was very depressed, messed up, and so on. I decided to be nice, so I help her get out of it. And she improved emotionally. I could have played her any way I wanted to. If she comes back, she will have the time of her life: I will be just the finest player. Done it, but thought to retire from it. At age of 45, I wanted mature, solid relationship, almost like following the Bible, but no, it does not f****ng work. Next time I will not say "I love you." I will say "I am fond of you". I won't say you look fantastic. I may say your color combination could be better. When she says I am fat, I will not say you are perfect, but will say, yea, you should watch your diet. Always on their toes to prove themselves. You have no idea how much I am depressed by immature people that I meet. One of my last girlfriends, I was pretty indifferent. This was a woman that powerful man were chasing her and were crazy about her, and she was an established psychologist in one of the best hospitals in Europe. She got so into me that in less than 10 days wanted me to make her a baby and asked me for months to buy an engagement ring. The moment I showed I loved her, she lost interest. It was a was very long distance relationship and was not going to work anyhow. So guys, post what we need to do, not what some book writers that have no idea about life write. I have read many relationship books. What I have learned? MAN UP. Nothing else. And I learned it by somebody on LS.
Mack05 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Mike I don't believe its GIGS. I think GIGS happens in your early 20's. I think mid life crisis happens in your 40's. U need to come to terms with the fact you did nothing wrong. She obviously has a connection to this guy, that you will never understand. A spark, addiction who knows. Look at my post about "The art of letting go". The longer you keep fixated on this woman and the why's and why not's the longer you deprieve yourself of meeting a woman that will really appreciate you..
M2155 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I have to agree. I was reading the post and if I had to describe the perfect boyfriend none of this stuff would come to mind. These are tactics. If you don't capture my mind and keep me thinking about you, does it really matter if you hold my hand? (I've never had an ex who liked hand-holding either) The little things DO matter and they make good great. But they can't make bad good.
ken_25 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I disagree with most of you. For one, to do most of the things on that list doesn't mean the man doesn't have a backbone. Just because a woman left you (nice guy) to go back to the ex (bad boy) who she probably already dumped before doesnt mean she truly wants the bad boy. I think it's more of her not knowing what she actually wants, her being immature and codependent. that relationship will end up not working anyway and then what? There isn't one set way of how it all works. You can try to group people into generalized categories but there are exceptions to everything. Different women are attracted to different types of men, for different reasons. You need to find a woman who needs to be treated the way you actually treat your partners. M1, I have a hard time believing that. You're saying not cheating and being a good communicator are "tactics"? Why? Your ideal boyfriend should have integrity, he shouldn't cheat, he should be a good communicator, he should treat you and your friends and family with respect unless they're completely disrespectful to him. How do you not think of these things when you think of what your ideal man is? Be confident, don't let her walk all over you, have boundaries, show respect, treat her well, be open, communicate, show some romance and have self respect. Follow this and you'll end up with a good woman eventually. If you're like this and the woman doesn't want you, you're better off and will find someone who does want you.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Did all that. She accepted nothing less that what she wanted, when she wanted it and the way she wanted it. And that is not fair. What about me?
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 I disagree with most of you. For one, to do most of the things on that list doesn't mean the man doesn't have a backbone. Just because a woman left you (nice guy) to go back to the ex (bad boy) who she probably already dumped before doesnt mean she truly wants the bad boy. I think it's more of her not knowing what she actually wants, her being immature and codependent. that relationship will end up not working anyway and then what? There isn't one set way of how it all works. You can try to group people into generalized categories but there are exceptions to everything. Different women are attracted to different types of men, for different reasons. You need to find a woman who needs to be treated the way you actually treat your partners. M1, I have a hard time believing that. You're saying not cheating and being a good communicator are "tactics"? Why? Your ideal boyfriend should have integrity, he shouldn't cheat, he should be a good communicator, he should treat you and your friends and family with respect unless they're completely disrespectful to him. How do you not think of these things when you think of what your ideal man is? Be confident, don't let her walk all over you, have boundaries, show respect, treat her well, be open, communicate, show some romance and have self respect. Follow this and you'll end up with a good woman eventually. If you're like this and the woman doesn't want you, you're better off and will find someone who does want you. Thanks, I needed that,ha. As far as her being immature I'm not sure if you mean in age,(she's 45) or immature in other ways??
Viv Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I disagree with most of you. For one, to do most of the things on that list doesn't mean the man doesn't have a backbone. Just because a woman left you (nice guy) to go back to the ex (bad boy) who she probably already dumped before doesnt mean she truly wants the bad boy. I think it's more of her not knowing what she actually wants, her being immature and codependent. that relationship will end up not working anyway and then what? There isn't one set way of how it all works. You can try to group people into generalized categories but there are exceptions to everything. Different women are attracted to different types of men, for different reasons. You need to find a woman who needs to be treated the way you actually treat your partners. M1, I have a hard time believing that. You're saying not cheating and being a good communicator are "tactics"? Why? Your ideal boyfriend should have integrity, he shouldn't cheat, he should be a good communicator, he should treat you and your friends and family with respect unless they're completely disrespectful to him. How do you not think of these things when you think of what your ideal man is? Be confident, don't let her walk all over you, have boundaries, show respect, treat her well, be open, communicate, show some romance and have self respect. Follow this and you'll end up with a good woman eventually. If you're like this and the woman doesn't want you, you're better off and will find someone who does want you. I agree, I think everything on the list would make a great boyfriend! As long as has boundaries, and independence I don't get how doing those things would be a turn-off? I've known men who have been hurt in the past, and worry so much about being doormats that it ruins their relationships.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Just because you gave her all those things does not mean you don't have a backbone. You just gave it to a woman that did not appreciate it. There are women out there that will reciprocate and appreciate a good man when she sees one. The below is immature game playing to me. If two people are in a healthy relationship, with open communication, with healthy boundaries and respectful of one another and knowing of each others wants and needs, there is no need for power plays and control tactics. If you have to do all that to hold on to a woman or man, you're either with a messed up person in a messed up world or you have a different view of what a healthy relationship should be like. You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on.
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Thanks geegirl I needed that too. I was kicking myself for being that way,, but it's just me,, the way I am. Also I am/was NOT a whiney, yes dear kinda guy. NO WAY!! There are wrong and right ways to go about doing all /most of those things.
Mack05 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Just because you gave her all those things does not mean you don't have a backbone. You just gave it to a woman that did not appreciate it. There are women out there that will reciprocate and appreciate a good man when she sees one. The below is immature game playing to me. If two people are in a healthy relationship, with open communication, with healthy boundaries and respectful of one another and knowing of each others wants and needs, there is no need for power plays and control tactics. If you have to do all that to hold on to a woman or man, you're either with a messed up person in a messed up world or you have a different view of what a healthy relationship should be like. You are going to lose most women following these items. In this messed up world, one has to * keep them on their toes * be unpredictable * make them wonder and so on. 110% agree with this. Mike don't listen to that bull**** that girls dont want nice guys. The women with the beautiful hearts, the special ones they will always want a good guy. The party girls/girls with low self esteem will go for the dickwads and get hurt over and over again until they see sense. Treating a woman mean to keep her keen.....I have to wonder why any woman would want such treatment. Just because a man treats a woman with respect, doesn't mean he can't click all the right buttons and add excitment to her life. It's about knowing your woman and doing what you can to please her in the R.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Thanks geegirl I needed that too. I was kicking myself for being that way,, but it's just me,, the way I am. Also I am/was NOT a whiney, yes dear kinda guy. NO WAY!! There are wrong and right ways to go about doing all /most of those things. Don't kick yourself. I will tell you that a woman who knows what she wants, will appreciate and relish all those things that you want to do for her. And if she is there for all the right reasons, she will reciprocate your loving actions and not view it as weak or "doormatish". It is not an indication of you not having a backbone. You're a good guy, emotionally available and giving and wanting to share it with someone and you will one day. You know your boundaries so stick to them and just be who you are.
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Don't kick yourself. I will tell you that a woman who knows what she wants, will appreciate and relish all those things that you want to do for her. And if she is there for all the right reasons, she will reciprocate your loving actions and not view it as weak or "doormatish". It is not an indication of you not having a backbone. You're a good guy, emotionally available and giving and wanting to share it with someone and you will one day. You know your boundaries so stick to them and just be who you are. Thanks again, I was doubting myself and thinking I'M NOT GOING TO DO ALL IF ANY of those things ever again,,, but then again the real you always comes out.
Mack05 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Thanks again, I was doubting myself and thinking I'M NOT GOING TO DO ALL IF ANY of those things ever again,,, but then again the real you always comes out. Mike as Geegirl just said to me "there are women that would kill for a mike588"...It will happen for you mate. It has too. If you live your life and treat women the way you do, I can assure you that you will meet the right girl. All you got to do now, is no longer focus on a girl that never deserved your love.
TheDovic Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 See my tread about she went back to ex boyfriend. She was very depressed, messed up, and so on. I decided to be nice, so I help her get out of it. And she improved emotionally. I could have played her any way I wanted to. If she comes back, she will have the time of her life: I will be just the finest player. Done it, but thought to retire from it. At age of 45, I wanted mature, solid relationship, almost like following the Bible, but no, it does not f****ng work. Next time I will not say "I love you." I will say "I am fond of you". I won't say you look fantastic. I may say your color combination could be better. When she says I am fat, I will not say you are perfect, but will say, yea, you should watch your diet. Always on their toes to prove themselves. You have no idea how much I am depressed by immature people that I meet. One of my last girlfriends, I was pretty indifferent. This was a woman that powerful man were chasing her and were crazy about her, and she was an established psychologist in one of the best hospitals in Europe. She got so into me that in less than 10 days wanted me to make her a baby and asked me for months to buy an engagement ring. The moment I showed I loved her, she lost interest. It was a was very long distance relationship and was not going to work anyhow. So guys, post what we need to do, not what some book writers that have no idea about life write. I have read many relationship books. What I have learned? MAN UP. Nothing else. And I learned it by somebody on LS. How often since you've been on this site have you heard of a woman leaving a real man? NONE!!! It's either a guy who's been acting like a wuss, or has treated her badly. Ps, I think it's ok to compliment your partner. As long as you don't act like a wuss
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Mike as Geegirl just said to me "there are women that would kill for a mike588"...It will happen for you mate. It has too. If you live your life and treat women the way you do, I can assure you that you will meet the right girl. All you got to do now, is no longer focus on a girl that never deserved your love. You both are SO RIGHT! I'm getting there. I/you know that's what hurt's so much,, being yourself, giving them your all,, the investment of time, then,,,,, See ya!!
Author mike588 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 How often since you've been on this site have you heard of a woman leaving a real man? NONE!!! It's either a guy who's been acting like a wuss, or has treated her badly. Ps, I think it's ok to compliment your partner. As long as you don't act like a wuss Guess I wasn't a "real man?" But then there were other reasons she left,, you know!
Mack05 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Guess I wasn't a "real man?" But then there were other reasons she left,, you know! Mike you were a real man. She just didn't appreciate it. Maybe she is used to being treated shabbily? There are people out there that will go back to a toxic relationship because they are literally addicted to the 'drama'. These type of people (for various different reasons) have no idea what a good thing is when they see it...I mean read stunned8165 post. He raised her two kids and she still left him. There is no point trying to figure out these kind of women. There thought process is completely different to ours. I posted this on another thread -> I will very careful in future before getting involved with someone from a broken family/childhood. The people that rise above it and go on to be success's in life are truly amazing, inspirational people. The truth is, most end up being a product of their environment. Running away from demons and kidding themselves along the way. Living their lives believing they are happy but living in complete and utter self denial..Avoiding having to deal with all that hurt and anger. Taking it out an everyone else along the way. One dysfunctional relationship after another. People from broken families tend to have atrocious communication skills. They are unable to 'relate' in a relationship. Being in a relationship with these type of people can be intoxicating, until it all starts to go wrong. There is nothing surer that it will eventually go wrong, no matter who they are with. It can be a massive shock to see just how fast they fall out of love with you. It's a like a child with a toy it no longer wants to play with. These types of men/women have not emotionally developed and the longer they stay in these destructive patterns, the worse things will get for them when they get older. They don't think like a 'normal' emotionally healthy person and talking to them about this is pointless, as these people live their lives in complete and utter self denial. Indeed, if you talk to them about this, they will end up resenting you. I find it sad that external circumstances have caused these girls/guys to be as messed up as they are. Like everyone they just want to be loved, but you can't help people that simply don't want to be helped..Unless they partake, in years of tough therapy and conquer their inner demons, they will continue to make the same mistakes. They will continue to stay in a vicious, destructive cycle. They have too REALLY want (be self-aware) to break free from this vicious cycle, but staying in their 'dream' world/bubble is a lot safer. They are bullet proof there and genuinely believe they are happy. Sadly the longer they stay there avoiding things, the quicker they head towards that inevitable train wreck that's waiting for them down the track. Before I will get involved with someone from a broken family/childhood I need to be 110% certain they have faced their demons and conquered them. Yes that is harsh, but relationships are hard enough to make work longterm. With an emotionally immature person, it's pratically impossible. Eventually, they will suck all the good out of you and leave you on the scrapheap (broken) when they are done. Leaving you with a million questions and zero sense of closure.. If a man treats his woman well it doesn't make him a doormat. I like to think I treat women well, but if they push me I will let them know very quickly what my boundaries are. I am well capable of standing up for myself because I am a strong person and I believe in myself. That right there is key Mike. SELF BELIEF. To me that is all you are lacking..
geegirl Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You both are SO RIGHT! I'm getting there. I/you know that's what hurt's so much,, being yourself, giving them your all,, the investment of time, then,,,,, See ya!! It's a gamble in every relationship, Mike. There are no guarantees that what you invest in someone will always garner you return. Some will appreciate and reciprocate and some will use and abuse. It's not about what you invest but who you invest it in. We all get hurt but it's a risk we all take. There are no stories on here about a woman leaving a real man. But there are stories of unhealthy women leaving a real man on this site and vice versa. A man is considered as being a "wuss" because he's either been manipulated or controlled because he's failed to set up boundaries and not because he knows how to treat and respect a woman. That's the difference. Know your boundaries and be who you are and you will give and also receive.
stunned8165 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 110% agree with this. Mike don't listen to that bull**** that girls dont want nice guys. The women with the beautiful hearts, the special ones they will always want a good guy. The party girls/girls with low self esteem will go for the dickwads and get hurt over and over again until they see sense. Treating a woman mean to keep her keen.....I have to wonder why any woman would want such treatment. Just because a man treats a woman with respect, doesn't mean he can't click all the right buttons and add excitment to her life. It's about knowing your woman and doing what you can to please her in the R. [sIZE=3] I dated a girl for three years who has two young children who just turned 4 and 5 in August. They have no dad in their lives. I am the only Dad they know. I raised them for three years like they were my own, my family adopted them in as if she was my wife and those were my children, I paid the bills when we decided to live together in my home, great area, grade a schools, did 90% of the laundry, took care of the cars, yard, helped cleaned the house and even taught the 5 year old girl how to write her name before kindergarten. The children were from two different fathers. She's 38 years old and I did many of those things in the list.. But what does she do?.. She cheats on me with her boss. Leaves me for him. A real creep to because he does this to all the girls that work for him.. Nice huh? Is the grass always greener on the other side?... Well, you and I both know how that will turn out. But I get so confused on how women like to be treated. The guy she left me for is a manipulative little squirt. But self esteem played a role in this I believe. All she got at home was negative energy from the kids who were starved for positive attention from her and quality time. I was the one who gave those kids quality time. All she cared about was that stupid little resteraunt she worked for and the owner. Seedy little dive in a seedy area. She moved into a house in a seedy area too. She took ten steps backwards in life. Go figure.[/sIZE]
Graceful Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Mike, To thine own self be true. That's the way to live your life and the way to treat your special someone. If you start "gaming" and "creating strategies" for someone to love and want you, then they get someone who isn't you. The thing is, Mike ... there's never any guarantees that a relationship will work out in your favor, you'll get the girl and she'll fall head over heels for you even if you treat her like a princess. And you know that full well. So here's the thing: be sure you're being treated nicely back, having kindness and goodness and caring reciprocated. Start worrying more about the fact that you're 50% of the relationship. You hear me? This is how you should base continuing a relationship. You give. She gives. Not you give. She takes. And takes. That goes for us females, too. Once things get too lopsided and there's no reciprocity, then see that as a red flag. Count me one of those females who appreciates those nice gestures -- but they do need to be accompanied by you know, those "intangibles" like chemistry, that even the nicest gesture can't guarantee. And, Mike. Don't pull out all the stops from the get go. Always be you, but you don't have to put all your cards on the table on day one. Now don't be making assumptions about me and my sistahs, okay? PS Mike, you would not have to go shopping with me. That one is a definite, "no thank you."
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