prosense Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hi, everyone. I am a 31 year old guy and she is a 27 year old woman. She broke up with me about a year ago. We were friends first and became a thing. The relationship lasted about 5 months. The reason she broke up with me is because of me. I wasn't honesty with my emotions. That being said, I was too much of a man. Never admitted that, when confronted with her, I made a mistake. When mad, I'd just shut up.. pretend nothing was wrong..I rarely expressed my emotions.. and she was quite frustrated with it because..well, she is a VERY straightforward person. I tried to change while with her. But it did not pan out. No physical abuse,, or cheating involved at all. So, you get the picture. I loved her deeply tho. She had all the qualities that I asked in a girl. So, the break up was very brutal and hurtful. The breakup process was peaceful. No fighting.. no drama...except.. I told her not to contact me and that we won't talk to each other. On the other hand, she wanted to remain friends with me. You know.. the typical post breakup tug of war. So we haven't until then. As the breakup, I deleted any kind of points of contact. no facebook stalking.. even though we live so close to each other, never ran into each other... no mutual friends or whatsoever. A week ago, I was on Craigslist, and saw a posting. Immediately, I thought it was her and I contacted her ... after a year long silience. And it was her. And the reason I did so is because I am not over her. The past 12 months was not easy.. I tried to move on.. I jumped back into the dating scene.. made friends, socialized, got promoted and what not. And yet, somewhere in the back of my heart, she was there. Not knowing where she lives,, if she has moved to some other city.... I prayed to God, give me a chance to meet her once and for all. And he answered. So far, we have exchanged 2 cordial email to each other. Sorta caught up with each other on what have happened. Then today, she emailed me saying "I am confused, to be honest. I know we have exchanged few emails talking about this and that. But about a year ago, when you severed the ties, you said we would never talk to each other. And yet, she saw my posting on Craigslist and chanced it by breaking a year long silience. I am not quite sure if you want to open up the coomunication or suggest we not talk to each other as you told last year. I would really appreciate it you tell me what your intentions are" As I said, she is a very striaghforward person and that's why she asked for the above. My answer would be I want her back. But, I don't know if she is spoken for..if she is in the same place..or even wants to meet me in the first place. Personally, I would like to ask her if you would like to meet me in the first place by circumventing her question, saying I have one or two things to say to her IN PERSON. Do you think it is okay?? I'd really like to do this in person.. if she says no to my suggestion, it would be closure for good. If she says yes.. then I might need to broach my idea.... Anyhow, what do you guys think of my approach? Also, what do you think the chances are? Does her "I am confused" mean anything? Thank you very much and I would appreciate your advice.
vsmini Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You and I could try to disect her emails and their meanings until the cows came home - it won't do us any good. As a woman (who almost thought the OP was her ex because my break up occured in so many of the same ways) I can honestly say I have no clue what she is thinking. If she's done the kind of healing I have done since my breakup I would say that you stand very little chance to get back with her. Her odds of having a boyfriend are 50/50 but that's not important right now...she asked you what your intentions are. So it's time for you to be painfully honest with her and let her know. You don't find out if she has a boyfriend first and then carve your answer out from there. She asked...you tell. Simple as that. It is a good sign that she did respond - personally if my ex contacted me a year later I would delete the emails but that's because I've moved on and have someone and am no longer interested in the toxic relationship we had together a year ago. Not saying you guys were toxic but if you were...and she recognized that....slim chances.
skylarkjv Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Tell her where you stand. Your problem in the beginning was not being straightforward about your feelings. You have said she appreciates straightforwardness, and that is how she handles things. So be straightforward. Let her know how you feel. Worst that can happen is that she'll say that she's no longer interested. And if that happens, maybe you'll be able to move on finally. But there is a distinct possibility that she is still pining for you as well. Maybe the time apart has shown both of you a few things that you might be able to do better in a second go-around.
Author prosense Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 thanks guys for your advice. one last question though should I tell her how I feel in email? I'd realllly like to ask her to meet me in person.. if she says yes, I will do so.. but what if she says no.. then, clearly, it is a bad sign...I need to pour my heart in email..right???
Almond_Joy Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I think you would be prolonging the moment of truth by trying to coordinate a get together. I don't see any harm in asking her. If she say's she'd rather not meet you in person just yet, you tell her how you feel anyway via email.
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