rosie72 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) So its been 7 weeks since he left, and ive moved on quite a bit. namely, i'm no longer terrified of the future coping on my own. I know i'm strong, and i feel more confident than i did when i was with him, as ive had to meet a lot of challenges on my own. And i find that i can do it, its fine. My life is ok, i have friends, enough money, ive stayed in our home which is lovely. He cheated on me early in the year and may still be with her, i dont know, but even my anger at that which was helping me cope has started to fade. Its easier to be angry than sad. I just still love him so much, and i miss him, and im lonely. I can't see how that's going to change, and i'm still wishing and dreaming he will change his mind and come back to me. Oddly though the version is him that my mind has created is a 'perfect' romantic version of him, but that wasnt really the reality, he had grown cold and a bit distant. He's given up so much - his home, family, security, money, our friendship which was very close. We had a great sex life, he said he still fancied me. I keep asking myself - doesnt close friendship and deep caring + physical attraction = love? But he said it just wasnt enough, he doesnt love me as he should. He's really struggling to make ends meet now - living in a grotty shared house, skint, having to sell all his possessions just to get by. I suppose it was a very big thing for him to leave me (and our son) but i guess he had to do it. But what can i do? I cant switch off that love i still hold. Does it fade, will it get less? I feel like i'm always going to be tied to him. If i'm honest, every achievement i make, every confident step forward i take, i think to myself - what would he think of this? He's like a ghost by my side every moment. I feel like ive reclaimed myself, got over my anger and moved forward, but what i'm left with is this awful hole in my life where he was.. i dont know where to channel all this love i still have Edited October 12, 2011 by rosie72 sp.
Buttercup84 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hi First , I am sorry about your break up. Must be harder having a child too. I know how you feel , I know he isn't the right one for me but I still love him and I am still in love. I have only been in love once so I do not know how things change. I think we will always love them , but not in a romantic way.In a nostalgic sense I guess. I do hope this kind of love fades soon , and we can look back and might still feel a sense of sadness but not that love we feel now.Hugs to you x
Author rosie72 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Thanks.. I suppose you're right, we will always love them in a sense. When i look back on exes, i still have love, affection and nostalgia for them, even if i was the one that dumped them. And i'm friends with all of them (though that takes many years). I suppose i just have to sit with the pain, and wait, and be patient. Its so hard though. i dont want him as a friend, i just want him back!
heartache1 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 So its been 7 weeks since he left, and ive moved on quite a bit. namely, i'm no longer terrified of the future coping on my own. I know i'm strong, and i feel more confident than i did when i was with him, as ive had to meet a lot of challenges on my own. And i find that i can do it, its fine. My life is ok, i have friends, enough money, ive stayed in our home which is lovely. He cheated on me early in the year and may still be with her, i dont know, but even my anger at that which was helping me cope has started to fade. Its easier to be angry than sad. I just still love him so much, and i miss him, and im lonely. I can't see how that's going to change, and i'm still wishing and dreaming he will change his mind and come back to me. Oddly though the version is him that my mind has created is a 'perfect' romantic version of him, but that wasnt really the reality, he had grown cold and a bit distant. He's given up so much - his home, family, security, money, our friendship which was very close. We had a great sex life, he said he still fancied me. I keep asking myself - doesnt close friendship and deep caring + physical attraction = love? But he said it just wasnt enough, he doesnt love me as he should. He's really struggling to make ends meet now - living in a grotty shared house, skint, having to sell all his possessions just to get by. I suppose it was a very big thing for him to leave me (and our son) but i guess he had to do it. But what can i do? I cant switch off that love i still hold. Does it fade, will it get less? I feel like i'm always going to be tied to him. If i'm honest, every achievement i make, every confident step forward i take, i think to myself - what would he think of this? He's like a ghost by my side every moment. I feel like ive reclaimed myself, got over my anger and moved forward, but what i'm left with is this awful hole in my life where he was.. i dont know where to channel all this love i still have Hi, I only joined today, but your post rang bells with me. We lived together, had two children and he just upped and left, saying he didn't love me in that way. He went on a date the DAY AFTER he left, so I'm suspecting there was someone on the scene before he left. In your case, how has contact been? It's soooo hard when you have children, as the no contact thing is impossible. I would love for him to vanish off the face of the earth right now, but he won't and can't, so I'm stuffed. Have you had any conversations about whether you might get back together? I feel like I am banking on this. I cannot see life without him. It's only been 11 days, but because he's left before, I have that hope. He says that this has to be it now, cos it's not fair on the kids. It's so terrible and hard to go through this.
SoulFinger Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I know it's hard when you still love that person so much and just want them back.I feel exactly the same but you can't make them come back. My ex suffers from gigs badly even 16 months down the time line. We just have to let them be and try and get on with our own life even though it's hard at times.Hang in there Rosie i'm sure you will become stronger and stronger:)
HappyFlower Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 i'm still wishing and dreaming he will change his mind and come back to me. Oddly though the version is him that my mind has created is a 'perfect' romantic version of him, but that wasnt really the reality, he had grown cold and a bit distant. I absolutly know how you feel. I find tho that it helps sometimes when I want to talk to him - to recognise that you are in love with someone who now isn't really there. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it stops me texting I also said it to him when we split - I didn't want to be friends. I would rather remember him who he was, as the love of my life, than be friends with the person he was at the end of the relationship. xx
Author rosie72 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Oh god we are all in the same boat.. HMS Heartbreak. I had to get things off my chest, i wrote an email intending not to send it but now i want to hit that button. Its just telling him just how badly i am suffering, the nightmares i have, the crying every night. I dont know what i want except i suppose for him to know my pain. To feel bad? To feel guilt? I just dont know.. i just know i hurt so much, and its not going away. I still have to see him becasue of our son, and when i am in the same room as him i just want to grab him, or slap him, or hit him with something heavy.. oh god i'm in a state today
Author rosie72 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Hi, I only joined today, but your post rang bells with me. We lived together, had two children and he just upped and left, saying he didn't love me in that way. He went on a date the DAY AFTER he left, so I'm suspecting there was someone on the scene before he left. In your case, how has contact been? It's soooo hard when you have children, as the no contact thing is impossible. I would love for him to vanish off the face of the earth right now, but he won't and can't, so I'm stuffed. Have you had any conversations about whether you might get back together? I feel like I am banking on this. I cannot see life without him. It's only been 11 days, but because he's left before, I have that hope. He says that this has to be it now, cos it's not fair on the kids. It's so terrible and hard to go through this. Poor you, i'm right there with you. I have actually been managing NC to an extent.. we text to arrange child picks ups/drop off, he just bibs the horn and drops him off without coming in. But still i have to see him occasionally. Like you im banking on him coming back, but i dont think mine will. We've had no conversations whatsoever - im looking for 'clues' wherever i can, but there are none. He is civil, polite, and still helpful, but careful not to do or say anything which might 'give me hope'. Has yours? Its been 7 weeks for me, and i actually went through a kind of hyper 'i can do this' phase, and i thought id started healing. Then it came back, i dont even know why. Lets keep in touch on here, we can be heartbreak buddies Big hug to you
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