broncsfan Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Okay so my situation is this. I am 16 yrs old, she is 16 yrs old. This girl that I work with, me and her started seeing eachother about a month back. She told me before we started seeing eachother that she was still getting over her boyfriend that had been seeing her for a year. I understood this, but I really liked her, and she liked me. So we went to the movies for the first date, had a great time. I went over to her house a couple times, we kissed, again, great time. She came over to my house before i was leaving for a trip, another great time. We dont go to the same school so I would text her everyday, we would send eachother hearts, everything seemed perfect. Then, when i get back a week later, everything seems different. Her, the way shes texting me, everything. She says she saw her boyfriend that week and it brought back a lot of memories and she was trying to cope. She later reminded me "you know were not in a relationship yet right". When i replied that i knew that, she said "Well you seem a little more into it than me at this point so I am just making sure." So I said im sorry if I did anything too fast, made you uncomfortable, etc. She said not to worry, that i hadn't. That week we didn't see eachother on the weekend because she was busy, and no more hearts in texts, not much texting at all to be honest. Anyway what ended up happening was lastnight I confronted her, asked what was wrong, I told her I would wait for her to get over this guy, she said she didnt want to hurt me, that she didnt want me waiting for her. So i told her "You dont know how much your worth waiting for to me" and then she said..... "I shouldnt be :/ Youre too attached too quickly" I just didnt want to lose her, i didnt want it to end over texts... she said "I dont know what to say" I told her to say something..... she said I cant be with you. When i asked why she said because she needs to be away from guys and figure stuff out. Did I do wrong by confronting her? Should I have waited it out? I feel like i ****ed up but she says its her, not me... but I was too attached. I came here looking for support, opinions, etc. Theres nothing more I want right now than to be with her, she is beautiful, funny, smart, sexy and just incredible. Will I ever be able to get her back? This is serious and I need to know if I can get her back, or if I should just move on.. it drives me crazy and it is effecting my schoolwork.
thatone Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 nope, you didn't do anything wrong. it's not your fault. just let it go.
Author broncsfan Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 nope, you didn't do anything wrong. it's not your fault. just let it go. Thanks... I'll try... I have no idea how to act when I work with her though, I'll have to try and conceal my emotions i guess
Andy_K Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yes, you messed up. You got too heavy too fast and she felt pressured. That, combined with not being 100% into you, put the nail in the coffin of any aspirations towards a relationship this might have had. Rule of thumb: Don't move any faster than she does, especially if she's newly broken up with someone
thatone Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yes, you messed up. You got too heavy too fast and she felt pressured. That, combined with not being 100% into you, put the nail in the coffin of any aspirations towards a relationship this might have had. Rule of thumb: Don't move any faster than she does, especially if she's newly broken up with someone i disagree. there's nothing in what he said that was wrong. in all likelihood, she was missing the attention when he was gone for the week and contacted the ex, and they got back together. happens all the time. her trying to turn it around and blame him is a stereotypical defense mechanism.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You didn't do anything wrong broncsfan. But the truth is she isn't at the same place you are and at this point, the best thing to do is step back from her. The more you pressure her, the more turned off she will get. Put that passionate energy into something else, it might take a little practice but your feelings will lessen.
Author broncsfan Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 She didn't get back together with her ex though... I don't think she ever will, Yes I know I probably put some pressure on her that she didn't want.... Are you saying the best chance I have at getting with her again is giving her time? I hate giving up, I don't know what but theres something about her, shes different than other girls, her not wanting right now makes me want her more. Im trying to figure out the best thing I could possibly do right now to get myself a shot with her sometime in the future. I believe she still likes me, she just can't have me right now imo. Should I stop texting her completely? Talk to her at work any?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 It's not really giving up to step back for the time being. You can't force someone to change their feelings just by pursuing them. This isn't an episode of Family Matters. Believe her when she says the things she has said to you. She isn't ready for a relationship. She isn't getting serious right now. If you keep pushing her, it will only push her away. Give her some space. It is either meant to be or it's not. But you can't force it. I would suggest you stop texting her. But if you see her at work, sure talk to her. Just don't go out of your way to talk to her and don't dive into deep conversations about her feelings or yours. Keep things light and causual. Talk to other girls at work too.
Author broncsfan Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Thanks alot I always think of what I could have said different, but I really don't think it would have made a difference.. she's got to get some space from guys, and your right, theres nothing I can do to change that. I'll wait as long as I can, but only if she comes to me will I attempt anything. If not, I'll move on, It wasn't meant to be.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'll wait as long as I can, but only if she comes to me will I attempt anything. If not, I'll move on, It wasn't meant to be. Perfect Broncsfan. You have learned well from your Loveshack Yodas. Let us know how it works out. And you are right that it wouldn't have made a difference if you had said things differently. It's common to think about what you could have done differently, everyone does that. But just as you said, it really wouldn't have made a difference. She was telling you how she felt. It's kind of like when a girl dates a guy, and he tells her upfront that he isn't interested in being serious, but she still dates him thinking it will change. 9 times out of 10, that girl is going to get hurt. You can't change people and you can't relate to people on what you think might happen. If they tell you something about how they feel or what they want, believe them. Until they show or say different.
Author broncsfan Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Yeah.. the good thing is we never really got into a relationship. Because when people breakup from relationship, they usually stop seeing eachother for good. But we were never in a relationship, so I might still have chance 2, later on.
Recommended Posts