snowflake12 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hello, I met this girl about 6 months ago. We got together pretty fast, and I was really in love with her. The first months with her, just speaking with her on the phone or thinking about her made me feel like I never had before. This time, it was a relationship on distance, and we met like two times each month. When I moved to her city, it was different. Suddenly it was everyday life, we both worked, and it was hard to find time with each other. At the same time, she gave me the impression of being insecure about our relationship, and I went jealous as a result. I broke up with her about three weeks ago. I found out through a friend that she had a dirty conversation with another person through facebook, and it was enough for me to end it. The following days after this finding, I really felt nothing bad at all, I felt good! For some strange reson I wasn't heart broken, but I felt relieved. At last I didn't have to be afraid of losing someone anymore! One night, I sent a message to her on the phone, because I felt sorry for her, and I thought about how I once had felt for her. Apparently she had been crying non-stop for days, and could'nt sleep after our breakup. Well, it all ended with us getting back together again. So, now I'm here, two weeks later. We have great sex, plenty of time together and so on. It feels like everything is just great. Still, I have this empty space in my heart, which I just cant understand. Why can't I feel like I once did for this girl? I definately like her and have feelings for her, and she really appreciates me now, but I can't get that genuine magical feeling anymore. All this makes me question this relationship. Is it worth it? This is my first relationship, and I'm very unsure if I really love her because of the absence of those strong feelings i once had. But am I just an idiot, who doesn't realize that you feel different after a certain time together? I really need advice, thank you.
Nic26 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 It sounds as though you were besotted with this girl and finding out about the conversation she had shattered your almost 'perfect' image of her. She let you down. And she was no longer who you fell in love with. You must do what you feel is right for you...and not make decisions based on what you think you should do.
joseph17 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I have to agree you are suffering from not being able to trust her. There is that thought in the back in your head that she is going to do it again. The best way to get over this is to talk to her about how you feel. Let her know that it has makes you uncomfortable and that things are not the same. If she is willing to work through this and make things up to you then maybe she can make you feel like you did. but the main reason here is you lost trust in her.
zenzen7 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Hi snowflake, Unfortunately I completely understand (i.e., experienced) your story... but from the other perspective. I was with my boyfriend for a few months before I started receiving & replying to somewhat dirty messages from an ex-boyfriend. I cared deeply for my boyfriend, but I felt like his tight hold on me (his jealousy issues) were keeping me from feeling satisfied in the relationship. I took this issue to a different level and I sought a form of escapism: emotional fantasies. It is worse if the person she sent the messages to is within a reasonable distance (my ex was about 2,000 miles away from me). I think that your main issue is a lack of trust and security. One thing I have learned is that the idea of security in a relationship is an illusion. If you can let go of that idea, if you can release the frustrated, pent-up tension in your body, if you can accept the idea of losing her, you will be better off for yourself and you will ultimately create a more satisfying relationship for both of you. Lack of trust is a huge issue and I won't give you advice because I have the same problem myself, in my relationship. We don't really trust each other and every day is a day in progress, working to the ultimate goal of accepting one another's intentions to be faithful and honest. I wish you the best of luck. Remember, follow your heart on this one... your head will just keep you locked in the fear of losing her or your sanity!
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