a121 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I am sure there are other people who have the same problem as me but i really need help with this issue. I see a lot of very attractive girls but a price comes with them all, that is they have a past. when you deeply care about a women and love her, you don't like the thought of someone saying"oh i banged her" As the guy, I want to be the one that protects her and doesn't want anyone taking advantage or being as close to her. I am the kind of guy that wants only the best for my girl. This being said, I am very picky with girls so is there a way to overcome how many partners a girl has had previously? I am in my early 20's and have finally come to realize that people aren't as innocent as they once were .I am not totally conservative but I really value the meaning of sleeping with someone. I understand there are people that think sex as casual but this isn't me. Also please i understand "the past is the past" but it is hard to deal with when you have different morals.
ascendotum Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 This being said, I am very picky with girls so is there a way to overcome how many partners a girl has had previously? Yeah date girls that are very religious (though no guarantees there) or come from a culture that looks down on promiscuous behaviour or girls that are not very attractive. The reality is you cant 'judge a book by its cover' when it comes to how attractive a girl looks and her past sexcapades. A hot girl does not necessarily mean she banged heaps of guys by any means. I've known numerous girls that were stunners but who spent all their time in committed LTRs. The way she dresses and her manner/personality and the crowd she runs with will give you better clues, but even then I've known a few quite plain or girl next door types who racked up a high partner count (30+) by their mid 20s. I see a lot of very attractive girls but a price comes with them all, that is they have a past. Yeah well, this comes with the territory when you want an attractive girl. I guess it boils down to what is your definition of past is. More than x number of guys, did gangbangs, or only screwed hot looking douchebags within a few hrs of meeting them??? Chances are you wont know the truth, if she was like this, and sorry but you just need to deal with the fact that she's been with a number of guys before you. Also please i understand "the past is the past" but it is hard to deal with when you have different morals. Be on the lookout for girls with the same morals then, and you generally wont find them in nite clubs wearing micro skirt, midriff top, f**k me boots and off their face.
Lobouspo Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 At the end of the day no one is perfect, and we all carry some sort of baggage. When I date a woman I like now, I don't ask about her sexual past, don't want to know, and for the most part don't feel its relevant. Having said that, knowing something about a person's past could be potential red flag (i.e. infidelity). You just have to use your best judgement, If you really feel behavior in someone's past is a dealbreaker, that is a subjective thing, go with it, and date women with more "wholesome" backgrounds.
grkBoy Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 No offense...but get over it. If she's faithful to you, isn't diseased, and doesn't have any accidental pregnancies running around...then stop thinking too much about it all. Who cares if some "Donnie Douchebag" sneaks up and claims he banged her one night on the hood of his Camaro? It was probably years ago, and he's only telling you this because he's jealous that you have her now. That he can't lure her into bed with a few drinks because she would rather go home and bang you. The only time I tell a guy not to deal with a girl's past is when she's got psychological/emotional baggage that causes problems...like she's suddenly crying one day because she remembered how an ex betrayed her, or she likes to get piss drunk every weekend to be numb and forget past pains. That's not good. If you want a virgin...look for a young girl or a nun...but don't complain then why all the "virgins" are not "hot".
skylarkjv Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 There's only two questions you ask: 1) Are you sexually active. If yes, then ask #2) Have you been tested? Most likely she's had sex with other guys before, so the answer to #2 better be that she has been tested, and that she is clean. If she hasn't been tested, dump her. There are far too many free ways to be tested these days. And the number of her past partners should never come into the equation.
norajane Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 This being said, I am very picky with girls so is there a way to overcome how many partners a girl has had previously? Yes, stop thinking of a person's worth in terms of sex and only sex. Yes, stop thinking of women as used goods because they've had sex with other people. Yes, stop thinking everyone runs around talking about who they "banged" all the time. Yes, stop thinking in terms of other people "banging" while YOU "make love" or whatever you call it when YOU have sex with someone. Yes, stop thinking that everyone but you is disrespectful of the people they were fortunate enough to have sexual experiences with.
laotzu Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I like a girl who's slept around a little, as long as she's STD free, not ex-obsessed, and capable of being faithful. I particularly like girls with a pretty kinky side who will share some of their past stories. I don't believe in retroactive jealousy. We all have a different flavor...
binny Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hi This is probably not the best place to post my first post.. but I saw the thread and I think I have a similar problem.. I don't exactly have much of a "past" due to personal choice which include my morals and beliefs.. and I know that I will struggle to accept a guy who has had a "past" and slept around and had "fun".. I know it sounds silly.. but I just worry that he will compare me to his past expereiences etc.. I'm also aware that its very rare to find someone my age who hasn't been sleeping around.. sounds silly eh? I guess I must be the complete opposite of 'attractive' and 'hot' There isn't really much point to this post.. I guess I just wanted to say hi and a121, you aren't the only one with this issue!
maysj18 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hi This is probably not the best place to post my first post.. but I saw the thread and I think I have a similar problem.. I don't exactly have much of a "past" due to personal choice which include my morals and beliefs.. and I know that I will struggle to accept a guy who has had a "past" and slept around and had "fun".. I know it sounds silly.. but I just worry that he will compare me to his past expereiences etc.. I'm also aware that its very rare to find someone my age who hasn't been sleeping around.. sounds silly eh? I guess I must be the complete opposite of 'attractive' and 'hot' There isn't really much point to this post.. I guess I just wanted to say hi and a121, you aren't the only one with this issue! I agree. I have a bit of a past, but I'm still a virgin. I also know that people learn from their mistakes like i have. I still find it unsettling whenever I find out a guy has slept around with girls he wasnt dating. For example, drunk hookups..especially if they went all the way. I PERSONALLY worry if a guy thinks having random sex is okay. I know things happen. We let our guards down and sometimes things go further than we want, but i always see it as a red flag if a guy has an insanely high number. For example, I dated a guy who had hooked up with 20+ girls. I ran away so fast when I realized I was just another number, no matter how much he said he cared.
silvermercy Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I'm sorry I don't have advice on how to get over it, I just wanted to say that you're not the only one who feels that way. I'm female and a bit older than you (late 20s) so imagine how more difficult it is to find a male with similar behavior to mine (that is, someone who hasn't slept around much). I think people who can easily accept numerous partners are those who have had them themselves. For me, someone who has slept around and has been promiscuous in the past has an increased RISK factor of either not being faithful or dumping me more easily in the future. People could say, "sure, but they got it out of their system by now" but I say "hmm... maybe it's partly true and works for some. But a lot of people could very easily resume this behavior in the future since it's something ingrained in them". (Also for the record: not being promiscuous doesn't necessarily equal prude, uptight, non-experienced or non-kinky). I wish you luck!
ja123 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 When I date a woman I like now, I don't ask about her sexual past ... And the number of her past partners should never come into the equation. I think we're all curious to know how many lovers our respective partners have had; however, in the past when I've asked or been asked it has always caused jealousy. It's just not a good place to go mentally. If the person is clean and committed to you, then that's what should be important.
Author a121 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) thanks for posts ascendotum and others Just to clarify a few things: 1) I seem to be attracted to the girls that dress a certain way not slutty but nice and sometimes this leads to trouble because at first i am attracted to their looks then when i get to know them its deal breaker cuz i see they might be into drugs or other stuff... 2) I dont think you can sterotype and say go after religious people because they still do stuff, just becasue they are religious doesnt bound them. they will probably confess their sins and think it will all be better lol no offense 3) To be honest I dont consider myself too religious but I do have morals, self value, and beliefs. 4) a question was asked if I have a past. I do have one but i dont consider it extreme. when i was younger I made out with a girl then i witnessed a friend finger a girl while sitting down. this sounds weird but we were on a ride and i didnt see anything I just knew becuz i heard the zipper and he later told me. From there i kind of set these values and standards for myself which I didnt want to do anything with a girl unless she really meant something. I didnt find it special having access to the same place numerous others have been i never wanted to take advantage of any girl just becuz of my dick, or just to experiment. In the past i have only had one serious relationship which i did do more than just kiss If the girl has had the same experience as in she was in long term relationship and really cared and there was only maybe one i might be able to get over it because I have had the same. What i want that is so hard to find is a girl that dresses nice who hasnt let anyone take advantage of her. that has standards and isnt the kind that sleeps around. to the person that posted about the camaro, thinking about that just gets to me honestly lol i really dont want to think about that. and it would get to me everytime. any further details would help. i know i dont seem like the typical male but i really feel strong about this and it would be hard for me to let go of someone past espcially if it was dark. does everyone agree that i probably wouldnt be able to find someone suitable living in this day and age? becuase i have witnessed how crazy some girls are especially in college which i still am in Edited October 13, 2011 by a121
fazz Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) I am so like you only in the female version...and i agree to whatever you have stated. I find it hard to date, just because sex does not mean anything anymore to most people and being promiscuous is sort of getting the permission for the society nowadays. I just don't get it and it's sad. I just don't get with such morals and its sad to having a relationship with someone with whom I can not have no more of the most intimate special thing to share with just because it is become so cheap and easily done with anybody. When you have a relationship , I want to make him special and I want me to be his special one. Not very easy lately. :confused: Ps: I am not that dead religious too....I just have boundaries to my personal self and only special people is allowed in.....because they are special and I want to make them feel special and I want to be treated the same way too. I also think its not fair to do it in the name of self fullfillment/ experience sake if it hurts your future special one ...because I would had used their special space if I did it. You are free to do anything as long as it does not cross the boundaries....and my boundaries is to make myself special for my special one. Surprisingly its considered asking too much nowadays. :confused: Edited October 13, 2011 by fazz
Emilia Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 when i was younger I made out with a girl then i witnessed a friend finger a girl while sitting down. this sounds weird but we were on a ride and i didnt see anything I just knew becuz i heard the zipper and he later told me. From there i kind of set these values and standards for myself which I didnt want to do anything with a girl unless she really meant something. I didnt find it special having access to the same place numerous others have been i never wanted to take advantage of any girl just becuz of my dick, or just to experiment. In the past i have only had one serious relationship which i did do more than just kiss If the girl has had the same experience as in she was in long term relationship and really cared and there was only maybe one i might be able to get over it because I have had the same. What i want that is so hard to find is a girl that dresses nice who hasnt let anyone take advantage of her. that has standards and isnt the kind that sleeps around. Get over yourself. Honestly. Of course it's good to want to have people with standards that don't just sleep with anyone but a girl enjoying herself doesn't necessarily mean she is being taken advantage of. You aren't some kind of knight in shining armour, some of us do actually enjoy doing naughty stuff in public for example. It may not be your kind of thing and you don't have to experiment if you don't want to but your straight laced approach does not mean higher morals, it just means you are straight laced. Some actually find that boring, I probably would.
fazz Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I'm sorry I don't have advice on how to get over it, I just wanted to say that you're not the only one who feels that way. I'm female and a bit older than you (late 20s) so imagine how more difficult it is to find a male with similar behavior to mine (that is, someone who hasn't slept around much). I think people who can easily accept numerous partners are those who have had them themselves. For me, someone who has slept around and has been promiscuous in the past has an increased RISK factor of either not being faithful or dumping me more easily in the future. People could say, "sure, but they got it out of their system by now" but I say "hmm... maybe it's partly true and works for some. But a lot of people could very easily resume this behavior in the future since it's something ingrained in them". (Also for the record: not being promiscuous doesn't necessarily equal prude, uptight, non-experienced or non-kinky). I wish you luck! agreed.... Firstly I don't feel special with such people.. Secondly if they can did it, they can do it again. it just shows their lack of boundaries in the first place which makes it risky to invest a relationship with them because if the lack of boundaries means that it could happen again. GAAAH DATING -_- ''
denise_xo Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Get over yourself. Honestly. Of course it's good to want to have people with standards that don't just sleep with anyone but a girl enjoying herself doesn't necessarily mean she is being taken advantage of. You aren't some kind of knight in shining armour, some of us do actually enjoy doing naughty stuff in public for example. It may not be your kind of thing and you don't have to experiment if you don't want to but your straight laced approach does not mean higher morals, it just means you are straight laced. Some actually find that boring, I probably would. Agreed. Engaging in sex doesn't necessarily mean you're being taken advantage of. That assumption doesn't really hold.
denise_xo Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 In the past i have only had one serious relationship which i did do more than just kiss How is your future girlfriend supposed to get over what you did with your ex? Her mental image you 'banging' someone else? If you can answer that question, you know how to get over the fact that a future gf has had a past relationship. Beyond that, it's a compatibility issue - just seek out a women with the same outlook as you.
Author a121 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 How is your future girlfriend supposed to get over what you did with your ex? Her mental image you 'banging' someone else? If you can answer that question, you know how to get over the fact that a future gf has had a past relationship. Beyond that, it's a compatibility issue - just seek out a women with the same outlook as you. Well i would say that it was a long term relationship and i only had sex with her becuz she meant something. As i mentioned if they a relationship similar to mine then i wouldnt mind but for her to be sleeping around then yes. lets make it more interesting what do i do if i find that girl who has the same outlook as me but thats only becuz she changed and that before she used to sleep around, is there a way to get over that? thinking about it i dont think so. I guess it just depends some people take sex as casual but not me
denise_xo Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 lets make it more interesting what do i do if i find that girl who has the same outlook as me but thats only becuz she changed and that before she used to sleep around, is there a way to get over that? thinking about it i dont think so. That's OK. I think there are a lot of women around who share your values. Just find someone who's compatible.
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