Kage111 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 My friend introduced me to one of his friends a few months back. Later that night he told me she was really into me... And for the next few weeks I was constantly told how hot she thought I was and how much she wanted me to ask her out. I'm pretty sure he wasn't just messing with me (cuz that'd be pretty dick if he was...) but eventually everyone started telling me things she told them and I'd catch her looking at me and smiling. So finally, I decide to ask her out. Why did it take so long? Well, I haven't asked out a girl since I was in high school, which sadly is now almost a decade away... But anyways of course she says yes and we make plans to see each other the following Thursday. Thursday comes, and she texts me that she's busy with school but will totally make it up to me next week. Next week comes and OMG she totally forgot about this family thing she needed to attend that night. One more time... And she sadly had to go on a trip with her friends overseas. So I come here, rant about it, everyone says "DROP HER" which, while hard to let any girl that supposedly likes me so much go, I did... Fast forward a few weeks I get a text, "Hey, what's up? When are we going on that date?" Who am I to turn down a date with a pretty girl so we set up another one. Luckily, I'm prepared for "something" to come up, and somehow, nothing does, and we go out on a very nice date and she texts me the next day that she had a great time. So I ask her when she'll be free to do it again and she says "Tonight" So I'm ecstatic and we plan to go to the movies that very night. I shower and get ready to leave and suddenly I get a "I'm sorry I can't make it..." Next night she texts me that she wants to go to a bar with me that night. Spoiler: She flakes on that too, but she makes plans to go out the next day. We plan that for a while and she gets noticeably excited. When the next day rolls around "Sorry, I've got family stuff that is taking longer than I thought it would..." So I haven't contacted her since. She obviously likes me, so WHY does she keep flaking out on me?? I understand some people are busy and as the guy she merely had a date with I don't expect to be above family, friends, or school on her priority list, but there has to be something I can do to get her to... idk... commit to something...
Imageiko Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 That is weird, especially because she flakes then suggests another time which should mean interest but then she flakes again. idk I'd keep her on the back burner and maybe once her life settles down you guys can get into a better routine.
Author Kage111 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 That is weird, especially because she flakes then suggests another time which should mean interest but then she flakes again. Exactly what I was thinking! This is why I don't believe there is another guy or anything, she is just legitimately a very busy person.
thatone Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 you deal with it by saying no. there's no other way. it's an unacceptable behavior. if you accept it, she'll do it again. there's no middle ground.
Lobouspo Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 you deal with it by saying no. there's no other way. it's an unacceptable behavior. if you accept it, she'll do it again. there's no middle ground. THIS Chronic unreliability is a dealbreaker for me. You deserve better, bail on this individual ASAP.
thatone Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 THIS Chronic unreliability is a dealbreaker for me. You deserve better, bail on this individual ASAP. occasional unreliability is a dealbreaker for me. i don't even let it get to chronic. break a date in the first month once, ok, benefit of the doubt. second time? the end.
grkBoy Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I think while in the past I'd say "drop her" or "launch her", the only difference is that she's seemingly showing interest. Most flakes are simply women who don't have the guys to tell a guy the truth, so they dig holes they later have to climb out of, usually by avoidance. They'll never make hard plans, and will have the last-minute excuse to get out of a date...or they just vanish. They stop answering the phone when you call and they never call you back. The problem is...this girl isn't doing that. It sounds more like she can't manage her time. MY SUGGESTION: Have it out with her in a polite and respectful manner. Bring all those occasions up, and simply tell her you're not going to play these games. If she's busy, that's cool, but don't make plans for a date if she's going to call it off last-minute. NOW...if she hits you with wishy-washy "I don't know what I want" talk...walk away. I have a feeling she likes you, but isn't very organized in her life.
Author Kage111 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 MY SUGGESTION: Have it out with her in a polite and respectful manner. Bring all those occasions up, and simply tell her you're not going to play these games. If she's busy, that's cool, but don't make plans for a date if she's going to call it off last-minute. Great advice! I finally got her to go out on Wednesday and let her know that I didn't like her constantly flaking out at the last minute. I just told her, semi-jokingly, that it seemed like she didn't ever want to spend time with me since she kept cancelling. I swear something must've clicked inside of her because she hasn't cancelled yet and we've gone out EVERY night since, all with her being the one to arrange the dates. I guess it should have been obvious advice, but it's pretty hard to tell a girl that you really want to think is perfect that she's not.
daphne Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I think you might have better success had you been a little more direct. To be honest, I'm not sure why you're even considering giving it another chance. It is unlikely that she's going to suddenly change into someone who's reliable. If you let people get away with not so great behavior without calling them out on it after a couple of times, they lose respect and won't make much of an effort.
Tony T Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 .....She obviously likes me, so WHY does she keep flaking out on me?? Because she's a flake!!!
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