polkadot1989 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Please read all of this, I know its long, but its important. I have been dating my boyfriend for three years and I am totally in love with him. He feels the same way about me, and we are that couple that is just so different from standard. We get eachother so well, and I can never imagine even considering being with anyone else. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. We have talked about engagement and decided to wait until my graduation from college. Last November my boyfriend, who we will call Jeremy, was stopped by police for skateboarding in a parking deck after dark. When they ran his license they found a warrant for a two year old drug charge on his record. He was immediately sent to jail and I was a wreck. He was only there for two days, but I was throwing up with anxiety the whole time. When he got out, he had to go to a thousand court meetings for it, and almost a year later he was sentenced to eight months in a PDC. I was a total wreck. I can not express enough how I could not function without him. I have been on and off depressed and anxious for the past three months he has been gone, and I feel totally alien and crazy. The one thing I know is that I love him more than anything in my life and I want him back now. I have never considered not waiting for him. Don't stereotype him, please, because it was a dumb high school thing he did and wasn't really serious. He has grown up a lot. Anyway, a mutual friend of ours, Ben, is in a low place and has been staying at my house on my couch for two months. Jeremy knows about it and loves Ben, but it still makes him a little uncomfortable. About a month ago, Ben was a little drunk and told me he was attracted to me. I was shocked and freaked out, but I know Ben really well, and didn't want him to be uncomfortable, so I acted like it was no big deal. I thought it was the alcohol talking, but Ben kept saying that he loved me and there was a time that he kissed me. I didn't realize how much I missed the feeling, even though I had no feelings for Ben. I kept telling him to stop, because it was hard enough for me. Without Ben in my house, I felt scared and anxious, just because I was alone and I hated it. I let him sleep in my bed once and he kissed me. I stopped him, but let him stay there because I was scared if I was alone I would cry. He kept trying, and this month was my first time in 3 years off birth control so my horomones were intense, and I let him kiss and touch me a few times, five max. I started birth control again to try to make myself resist, and it totally worked. I told Ben he had to sleep on the couch, and this week I finally made him move out. Loving Jeremy was never an issue at all. I wanted to tell him everything the second it happened, but jail is so so so hard for him and I feel like my visits, phone calls, and letters are the only thing keeping me going. He asks every day if I love him and will stay with him because his mind wonders crazily and he gets scared. I want to tell him everything so bad, and i know he will forgive me and understand, he is wonderful, but I don't want to hurt him right now. I fear that he will break down and lose it, and I can't cause him any more pain than he is in. If he breaks, he has five months left to deal with this. I don't want to lay anything else on him, because he is doing so well. What should I do???
mike111 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Don't tell him anything till he gets out of jail. In the meanwhile, boot Ben out of the house. He's a class-A creep. mike
Author polkadot1989 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 yeah, those were mostly my first few weeks. My psychologist diagnosed me with Atypical Depression, which is usually a temporary or off-and-on thing. But that's not really the issue I'm aiming at here.
Author polkadot1989 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 and thanks mike, thats what I feel is right, but i want to make sure not telling him for that reason is not a selfish rationalization
Bryanp Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I think you need to tell him. He needs to know that his so-called friend is a snake. He deserves the truth.
Chi townD Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I hope that you're being honest with us. I mean, with all due respect, you DID share a bed with another man for quite some time. If word gets out that something more than kissing and touching happened and your guy finds out. He's not going to be happy. Therefore, you need to tell him EVERYTHING! He may or may not leave. I mean, it is a breach of trust; however, he shouldn't put himself in a position to get locked up in the first place. That might be your ace in the whole. Still, it doesn't justify your behavior. Obivously, the guilt is eating at you. If it wasn't then you would be here. Therefore, it will continue to eat at you until you tell him what happened.
Space Ritual Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Why does the song "My Boyfriends' Back" come to me just now...lol
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