supdawg1985 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 There's a girl I like who has just gotten out of a long term relationship of over 6 years. She was actually engaged at one point but broke it off, and is now single a few months later. I want to pursue her and take her out eventually, but I really feel I should back off for awhile. I imagine she's going through a lot and from what I know, she wants to take things easy for awhile. How long until girls usually feel ready for another relationship after something long term like the one I've described? I really like her but don't want to come off as insensitive to her situation.
mike111 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 You have to be careful of the "rebound relationship". could prove a negative thing for both parties. But then again, maybe not.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Yeah I know, I'm definitely not going to try to rush into anything. I'm just going to give her some space for now. I like her a lot so I don't mind being patient. I'd like a female perspective...how long would you normally wait after breaking up after a long term relationship?
snug.bunny Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Not sure there is a "set" time period for everyone. It was three years after my 6 year RL ended before I entertained the idea of another one. I'd say overall, it's a combination of timing and who you meet. You could be the right person, but the timing is off (though that would make you both wrong for each other I guess). Or, you meet the right person, and the timing becomes "right" and it works. She's a few months out of that relationship so she's most likely at a different mindset in terms of jumping into anything.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 I should have cleared that up: She was engaged, broke it off, got back together with her boyfriend, and now I guess they broke up for good. I don't think she's been single even a month yet, so I think I should back off. I'm going to keep my options available, but I really like her, and she's ultimately the girl I want.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yikes this is hard! I was never with someone that long since that would be by who teen years through college but when I left my super serious relationship after two years it was on my terms even though he did it in a ****ty way. I knew that the relationship had reached its peak and that he had changed too much and that I was still the same person with the same goals as when I entered the relationship. I have two major questions: 1. How long have you known her? 2. Does she know that you were intrested, even if it was just an acknowledgment?
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 I've known her a couple years. We met at a church group I was going to, and never became close friends or anything, but I was attracted to her from the start and have thought about her a lot and have seen her romantically ever since. She's known that I'm interested for awhile now and we've kept in contact.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I've known her a couple years. We met at a church group I was going to, and never became close friends or anything, but I was attracted to her from the start and have thought about her a lot and have seen her romantically ever since. She's known that I'm interested for awhile now and we've kept in contact. Alright I had kinda the same situation happen so from the female side, there is really no "set" time though that would make it a lot easier! For me I started "dating" about 3 months later, but really like 1 or 2 dates nothing that lead anywhere. I would say it may take her anywhere from like 6months to even a year because her realtionship was so long. Sorry that dosn't help much
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 I'm wondering, since she says she's not interested in a relationship right now, if it would be a bad idea to just start a chat with her. She actually lives a few hours away so I don't get to see her, so would contacting her on facebook to try and get to know her better be too pushy, or I should I back off completely? I really want to play this right because I think she wants some space right now but I don't want to potentially lose her.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Guys, I could use some advice. She knows my intentions so I feel the ball is in her court. Should I just run the other way and disappear? I feel like I need to start thinking about finding someone else, or I could be setting myself up for some heartache.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Okay, I'm going crazy right now. I feel so paranoid. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm afraid the ship will sail if I ignore her but if I try to contact her then I might be being pushy. I just can't stand the thought of keeping hopes of being with her only to see her with someone else. I can't get burned. Should I just ask her if there is a chance we could be together? I don't like putting something out there so bluntly, but I'm going paranoid trying to decipher everything. Please, I need some help right now.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Anyone? Could really use an opinion.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Anyone? Could really use an opinion. I would talk to her, but I wouldn't flat out say "Do you want a relationship with me" but rather something like, "If the timing was right could you see us as a couple?"
The Tiger Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Sounds like you aren't even in the position to be going nuts over this. You're attracted to her and think she's the one for you but you're not really friends and you want to get to know her better through Facebook? Can you explain HOW she KNOWS that you're interested? Do you know if she's even interested in you? You don't seem to know each other well enough for you to decide that she's the right one for you to get into a long term relationship with. Maybe you should take her out first and see how that goes.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Like I said earlier in the post, we knew each other for a couple months at a church group I was going to. We seemed to connect even though we didn't get to know each other real well. I ended up moving away and we had been in contact ever since. I don't exactly know how feelings manifest themselves, but I started to realize that I was interested in her romantically. I was always attracted to her. Anyway, I asked her for her number and asked if she was interested in me not knowing she was in a relationship at the time, and she told me it wasn't that she wasn't interested, but that she shouldn't seeing that she had a boyfriend. It was obvious that I was interested at that point, but I later told her once she was single that I had a thing for her, and she said that she was flattered to hear that, but she was too heart broken for another relationship at the time. I just feel kinda strung out. Not sure if I should try to clear things up with her or not.
louise_23 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 There's a girl I like who has just gotten out of a long term relationship of over 6 years. She was actually engaged at one point but broke it off, and is now single a few months later. I want to pursue her and take her out eventually, but I really feel I should back off for awhile. I imagine she's going through a lot and from what I know, she wants to take things easy for awhile. How long until girls usually feel ready for another relationship after something long term like the one I've described? I really like her but don't want to come off as insensitive to her situation. ok. i think it varies from person to person but ill share my experience. i was with someone 6yrs. we split up properly about 10 months ago, and im still upset. not like i was, but it bothers me from time to time. i would say 6 months at least, but nothings to stop you being her friend in the meantime (i happen to think the "friend zone" deal isnt set in stone, but whatever). if you do pursue her, i dont think it will seem insensitive to her situation but like another poster has said, you run the risk of it being a rebound relationship and THAT will only end in tears. good luck whatever you decide to do.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Man, I just don't get it. I wouldn't be in the position where I'm at right now if she didn't show signs of reciprocating interest. She's single now, and she knows I'm interested, and she gives me a vague response like I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. That may well be the case, but it still leaves me hanging and I get really jealous wondering if she has someone else in mind. I just don't think I can pursue her anymore, not even in my mind. I asked for her number to kinda gauge interest and she ignored my text. Might have been a mistake, but I think it was kind of do-or-die time. It sucks because I thought so highly of her, but I think I have to give up, which I never wanted to do. I'm sure I'll meet someone else who'll make me forget about her. It's sad, but I can't string myself out forever when it seems clear she's not interested.
Author supdawg1985 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 Haven't contacted her in a couple weeks and probably won't initiate anything ever again. I've been breaking in with a new group to meet some people so I'm definitely trying to transition. That being said, I'm really starting to hate her just thinking back on everything. Why do girls lead guys on when they know the guys are interested? It's complete BS.
Recommended Posts