rubberball Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 She called me a little while ago, it was work related, but she tired to make small talk at first. She sounded very chipper. I answered her work questions and got off the phone. She has been popping up more and more recently. She lets her daughter call and invite herself to my house. She took me to dinner last week for my birthday. I feel like these are breadcrumbs and she is trying to have us be friends again. I don't want that. But, when I ask her to come get her stuff she never can - she has had a thousand excuses. the latest was that she could come this past Sunday but when I asked about a time she said she couldn't borrow her new bf's truck. She apparently likes to throw that in my face. Would I be out of place, since we work together and she lives down the street to ask her to only contact me if its work related?
TheDovic Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 First off, she's keeping her stuff at your house because she doesn't want to break this connection to you. If she were to take it then in her mind it would really be final! However, she is having the best of both worlds, so you would not be out of line telling her to only contact you about work matters. In fact it will raise your value in her eyes as she can't just have you anymore.
GymRat Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Oh man I can't tell you how much of a similar situation I'm in. I told my ex at a party that I had one of her old backpacks full of things that belong to her, and I even have her spare car key in it but she said 'oh it's okay, I have another spare key that my dad just gave me'. If I broke up with someone I sure as hell would make sure I get my spare key back! But TheDovic is right, she is trying to keep that line between you open, but he's right too in that it has to be closed. That's something I'm working on, because I've been getting so many bread crumbs. I typed out an email where I'm asking her to stop contacting me unless it's related to the club she's president of, and I'm vice president of. But I'm going to send it after the weekend because we're running a field trip and holding a fundraiser BBQ this week, so I want to avoid awkwardness until afterwards! Sometimes an ex does genuinely feel bad about a break up, but I'm realizing that having sympathy doesn't make you feel better. It makes me feel a lot worse, I don't need sympathy and it's almost demeaning in a way. So I think breaking all unnecessary contact is the best approach, though it is much easier said than done. All the best!
EgoJoe Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Drop her stuff off at her house. Remove the connection between the children and for the love of god try and have a coworker handle the work related stuff. Be a man and tell her you're not her friend have no interest in being her friend or hearing about her new boyfriend. Tell her she's insensitive and clueless.
Author rubberball Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 i think i look at it the same way. I never wanted this to happen between us. i miss her dearly. Not the sex or kissing, the friendship most of all, having that person that you can tell anything to. @ egojoe I would love to say that to her. my coworkers cant do it, I run my department and I have to make the final call. I really need to look at getting a truck to get the stuff out. @gymrat I have been through the key swaps, she had keys to everything and I had car keys and her old house keys. it sucks having to stay connected after a difficult breakup. perhaps we can PM and support eachother since it seems like we are going through the same situation. @dovic, so I need to tell her the stuff is outside and come get it? I respect your opinion, as I have seen you help people on this board. I get the connection thing, but cr*p, when is enough enough. I really wish she could just be my best friend again and I could tell her about this crazy chick i dated!!!!
EgoJoe Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Okay, pay some movers to drop it off. I suggest a handwritten I am not your friend, I don't think it's wise for our children to associate, I will be nothing but professional as per work related contact etc. note thrown in with the stuff and drop it off outside of her house. Cover it with a tarp if you must. You've waited long enough and dealt with enough. Believe it or not, this is your best bet to ever get anything more than friendship with her plus you'll actually be able to heal and get perspective. You are not healed and you need more time. It's time to pull the doormat out from under her, retrieve the safety net and take care of number #1 YOU! I'm not saying you were a total sap but you're a fixture in her life that she's selfishly hanging on to.
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