ThinkPink218 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 My ex and I broke up about a year ago now and I'm still coping with the fact that he is no longer apart of my life.* We met through a friend about 2 years ago and quickly developed a friendship based on our common interests, values and goals. It didn't take long for us to catch feelings and after a few months decide to get into a relationship together. Our relationship was pretty cool at first. Talking all the time, spending quality time, date nights etc. We both genuinely wanted to make the other happy. At the time that we were together I was in a transitional stage of my life (I just graduated college and couldn't find a job to save my life) and although supportive, he would often say things that made me feel bad about my situation. He also always wanted sexual pictures and I'd always send them but at times, i felt unappreciated. When I confronted him about these minor issues, he felt criticized and shut down on me completely. Barely wanting to talk, one wording me when we did, not wanting to spend time, etc. Even when giving him space, he often times seemed very moody towards me and trying to express my feelings to him almost never made things any better, just worse. It didn't help that he also had a ton of female friends interested in him and him giving them attention. One in particular gave him her # claiming she wanted to be friends and knowing he was physically attracted to her he would often talk to her and get to know her, which made me feel even more uncomfortable in our relationship. Maybe i was insecure? But i didn't like it. I never believed he cheated on me, but I wasn't comfortable in situations he put himself in especially knowing how I felt and considering he wasn't making much effort in our relationship. Of course though, talking about these things only helped to push him away more. And I'll admit I even went as far as to texting him pages of messages about my feelings sometimes. It was just so frustrating for me! It got to a point where we decided to break up, even though I would have rather worked things out.* After the breakup we attempted to be friends (big fail)! Our friendship wasn't real. All we ever talked about or did was sex and considering that I still had feelings, it wasn't helping me get over him especially since he immediately started talking to the other girl right after we broke up. I was tired of feeling as though I was just sex and wanted to know how he felt. He made it clear we were not getting back together and I told him I couldn't be friends, but that never lasted. 2 or 3 days would pass of NC, and then he'd text me trying to be cool again, I'd give in and then the cycle would repeat. This time it's different though. It's been a month since we've last talked (the longest since we've known each other) and although Im slowly starting to realize that he may not be the "one" for me like I thought he was, it sucks feeling as though I'm all forgotten about now and like I don't matter anymore. We're still friends on social networks (twitter and FB) but we never speak. I know NC is the best thing for me and I am making progress and taking other steps to better myself and learn from my mistakes for my next relationship, but it's hard coping with the fact that we don't speak anymore. It's like damn, does he ever think of me? Does he even care? Or am I dead to him now? Regardless of the answer, it hurts nonetheless. Letting go of something I thought was real and watching them move on is hard for me.* Any suggestions on letting go??
ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 at least you are starting to realize the fact that he may not be the one. that is a great step. it is so hard to let go i think because you idealize the other person into something that they are really not, like a god of sorts, something that you think you cannot live without with. but in all honesty, at the end of the day, you'll still be breathing and you'll survive. i've endured SO much and have made so many mistakes these last few months and although im emotionally beaten, i wake up everyday knowing that one of these days, ill be really ready to let go and actually feel it rather than do it. we all do a lot of actions (nc, lc, blocking from fb, changing phone number), but i think the real place we need to be at- is when we are indifferent toward the person and the relationship, not bitter, not angry and definitely not sad, but simply indifferent and wishing them the best. i think that is the best place to be at, but i know i am the furthest from that point..
Author ThinkPink218 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Thanks for the advice @ConfusedT! There are good days and there are bad ones. On one hand, I feel as though in order to move on I have to create space in my life that does not include him and let this go already but then there's still apart of me holding on to what things were and how good they used to be. It feels surreal knowing that we may never talk again after everything, and he seems to not care one bit. Like how do you just forget someone like that?! Ughhh
mike588 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Thanks for the advice @ConfusedT! There are good days and there are bad ones. On one hand, I feel as though in order to move on I have to create space in my life that does not include him and let this go already but then there's still apart of me holding on to what things were and how good they used to be. It feels surreal knowing that we may never talk again after everything, and he seems to not care one bit. Like how do you just forget someone like that?! Ughhh After being together for 2 years of course he thinks about you. He may still care about you but not like he did at one time. I often wondered the same thing about my ex. g/f. You cannot just erase/not remember someone you were involved with that long.
Dblock10 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 hey i feel the same as you and i am struggling very much so to let go, like i feel as though i have been forgotten about and we are also still friends on fb ,yet the times she has been on the online chat from abroad she hasnt said hey. she has never initiated the contact first in the past two occasions there has been communication in like 12 weeks. . this makes it really hard for me as i still care about her and feel like i am being stupid now. when i did speak to her i said "hey not heard from you in ages. and she apologised and said she was sorry and had been real bust with work and hasnt had any time off. yet i saw her fb how she had obviously invited friends from here to a party etc for her leaving due. but yeah i dont know how to let this go or accept it and what not. i find it hard to try and think or understand that she doesnt care about me. but actions or rather inactions would say so otherwise.
TheDovic Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I try everything and I honestly think I'm starting to get there. Here's what I've done (1) I read - Susan Elliot's "Getting past your breakup" - Howard Halpern's "How to break your addiction to a person" (I honestly think the more you know, the easier it is to rationalise that they weren't right for you. This makes it more difficult to think irrational thoughts such as "he/she is the one!") (2) I'm trying break up hypnosis cd's - Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart" (comes free with the book) - Erick Brown's "Mend a broken heart" (mp3 download from Amazon) (Now before you discount hypnosis as nonsense, I've done a lot of research on it over the past few weeks and it seems to be legit. Plus since I've been using them my feelings towards my ex have definitely weakened and I am a lot more positive about the future and about finding someone else!) Hope this helps, because a year is a long time to be grieving. Although a big problem is staying in contact with him. See he's like a drug to you, and any relapse puts you back to square one!
Author ThinkPink218 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 @mike588 yeah, you're right. It's just hard. You start to wonder if you're that easy to forget or if they hate you that much now. @dblock10 Sorry to hear that you're in the same boat. We will get through this together @thedovic thanks! I've been reading some self improvement books and they've been helping for the most part, but every now and then I have a relapse and wonder if I ever cross his mind as much as he does mine and if he even cares. And a year is a long time, but we've still been very much in contact up until last month and he just disappeared from my life. Can't say I didn't want that because I needed it in order to take back control of my life, it's just hard adjusting to the fact that we no longer speak and may never talk again. I didn't want to become enemies, but that's what I feel we are now.
rafael7676 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I was with a girl for 7 years, we were engaged. we broke up and she changed her number, blocked my emails. I begged her back and she laughed. She found a new guy thats 6 years younger than her. I was in the hospital and she never visited or called. My birthday just passed and nothing from her. she moved on 2 weeks after we broke up!!!!! I'm devastated. Ive lost 15 lbs, Im a mess. she parties and goes out and has a blast while I cry at home.
broken-and-lost Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hey huh It's been about a year for me too hun after a 3 year relationship and i wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. we've stopped communications about 3 months ago, it's very hard to let go of someone you loved there are no easy answers, i guess when it's time for you to move on, you will! until then you will have to ride it out. i've tried everything and i mean everything, nothing has worked. Someone gave me advise and said your going about it all wrong if i tell you not to think about a pink elephant what are you going to think about? same applies i guess, when the time is right i guess you will just move on.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 @rafael7676 Sorry that you are going through the same thing 7 years is a long time, I can only imagine the hurt that you feel, but as I am learning it will get better and we will get through this @broken-and-lost it sucks doesn't it? But yea I guess time will heal us..... @GeorgiaR you're so right, thanks for that! I needed the reminder! And thanks for the book. I'm going to download ASAP..
Recommended Posts