sweetypielovely Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I need advise. My BF and I are on the rocks and he broke up with me Friday. He needed a cooling off period and texted me today he decided to end it and that he was done. He wanted friendship only. He agreed to call me tonight to let me say what i needed so hopefully he will and not back out on the call. I need advice on what to say or not to say. Its obviously over but i dont wanna say something too mean but i wanna know what works and what doesnt. HELP!
wilsonx Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Dont say anything... Silence is a source of great strength. ~Lao Tzu
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I need advise. My BF and I are on the rocks and he broke up with me Friday. He needed a cooling off period and texted me today he decided to end it and that he was done. He wanted friendship only. He agreed to call me tonight to let me say what i needed so hopefully he will and not back out on the call. I need advice on what to say or not to say. Its obviously over but i dont wanna say something too mean but i wanna know what works and what doesnt. HELP! First of all, you can't have a friendship with him, at least not now while you are still emotional. You can tell him that. Other than that, if you need a forum to tell you what to say then it's obvious you have nothing to say. We can't tell you how to formulate your feelings and present them to him as you don't even tell us how you are feeling. What works and what doesn't? In what sense? I'd fall off the face of the earth if someone broke up with me versus giving me a pity phone call.
redblack66 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Dont say anything... Silence is a source of great strength. ~Lao Tzu 100% agree. Don't even talk. Just text you prefer not to talk and do not pick up the phone. Can you do that?
M2155 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I don't get the what works/not question either but I would say or text: I appreciate that you're open to listening but after thinking about it, I am cool with this decision (even if you're not) and will take some time for myself now. Maybe I will be open to friendship later down the road. All the best.
redblack66 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I don't get the what works/not question either but I would say or text: I appreciate that you're open to listening but after thinking about it, I am cool with this decision (even if you're not) and will take some time for myself now. Maybe I will be open to friendship later down the road. All the best. This is one of the *best* advices I have seen. Please follow, he will be back after such a text, I think.
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I don't get the what works/not question either but I would say or text: I appreciate that you're open to listening but after thinking about it, I am cool with this decision (even if you're not) and will take some time for myself now. Maybe I will be open to friendship later down the road. All the best. Great advice. Short and sweet. It will leave him thinking, "what, no crying, begging..." Rather text, as speaking would give way to more talking.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Thanks yall. I have so much to say though as i found out a lot of things in the last week we need to discuss.
Kamille Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I'm sorry it ended this way SPL. I know how stressed out you were about the whole ordeal. I can't help but feel you must have known from the get go that this is what he meant by "needing time to cool off". But I see it this way: you two clearly have vastly differing conflict-resolution approaches. I wouldn't look past a core incompatibility as the reason for breaking up. You deserve someone who can at least hear you out when you have a fight. This guy isn't even willing to do that. As for the content of this particular thread, I agree with others. There is nothing to say. He chose to end things. You would have prefered to continue. What else is there to say?
redblack66 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Thanks yall. I have so much to say though as i found out a lot of things in the last week we need to discuss. No, don't say anything. Just text what M2155 wrote, verbatim. Report his reaction. He will be shocked.
mimi0297 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I think that no one can tell you what to say because only you know what you want to say. I do think that not saying anything is the worst idea because no matter why or how a relationship ends, there must be closure for both ends. I suggest you think about what you want to say and say it without worrying what he might think about it (unless you're thinking about begging & such). What do you feel? what do you want to know? What do you want HIM to know? If you don't feel ready, postpone the conversation until you do feel ready because it sucks to feel like you have more to say and no chance to do so. Good luck!
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Well i have to get closure because thats how i am. I wanna go forward in my life but i feel really played because he asked me to marry him and he asked me to move in. I got mad he didnt have a lot of time for me lately and kept working late and i felt unimportant. he canceled 2 dates last week. He blew up at me last thursday for questioning him and got really nasty. He broke up with me friday morning. Im really hurt because i love him and didnt take the relationship lightly. I also love his kids he has. He lives an hour away. I believe his mom didnt like me and she always thought i was trying to buy him because for one I bought a new tv to move in with. His was like 19 inches and way too small and old. I have bad eyes. He has no issue with it but the tv was a hand me down and he has a lot of pride. Hes not into material things but i got a good deal and he was so excited about it but his mom was pissed. He was married 2X before and apparently has never been single for very long. His mom mentioned that he needed to be single and stay that way for awhile. He said he didnt care what she thought but they have a family business and i wonder if he is listening to her even though hes 29. He works for them and they are his livelihood. Hes never acted cold to me and he told me he loved me 50x a day. his is just sudden before the holidays and weird. Hes been ignoring me for days till today.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Yes. married once at 18 and divorced and then married again at 22. Hes been divorced 1.5 years. Has 2 kids ages 3 and 6.
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