Annony Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I'm sort of new to all of this, so don't know if I'm in the right forum, but here goes... It’s been almost 3 years now since I was overwhelmed with the feeling that H was having an affair. I don’t want to go into detail about why I suspected him since it was mostly a change in his behavior, and my “evidence” was purely circumstantial anyway. And my goal here isn’t to try to figure out whether or not he was cheating. I’m pretty sure he was involved with a woman from his office. At the very least it was an emotional affair. My goal is to try to figure out if I should give MC more time to help us turn things around, or if I should just walk away? I thought I was doing the right thing by talking to him about how I was feeling first, but in hind-sight I should have snooped first and talked later. Anyway, this started in early 2009. We had a rational discussion about what I was feeling with lots of emotion on my part, but none from H. The consensus was that I should seek counseling. I had just lost a close family member in a horrible accident a few months before, and H suggested I talk to a professional about it. My counselor suggested I stop questioning my H and find my own answers through whatever means possible. So I did some snooping in the beginning but didn’t find irrefutable proof. I still find myself fighting the urge to snoop or spy. Occasionally I give in but don’t find anything. After 2 years of IC and a few weeks into MC, I’m still plagued with suspicions and doubts about him, and I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t think we can ever fully restore trust. MC understands why I distrust, but H doesn’t. H is offended that I don’t believe in him. Through all of this, we have still managed to be respectful and loving to each other...mostly. Our counselor comments about how much love we both have for the other. But at this point, love isn’t enough for me. We have young children, and we get along well otherwise, but this elephant in the room doesn’t go away. I guess what bugs me the most is that deep down I know he lied to me, and every time he denies it, another part of me dies. I think what it’s going to come down to is I will lose all of the love & respect I have for him, and at that point the internal conflict that I’m struggling with will cease. I think I just answered my own question. I would still like to know what you think since I’ve made you read all of this. Thanks!
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