bluenightowl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 How long would you date a guy/woman before giving up on her when she says she is not sure what she wants.
Andy_K Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 That depends. What level of physical intimacy would we be at whilst she decides? If it's nothing, probably 1-2 dates at best. Kissing, maybe a couple more. non-exclusive sex, maybe a month or two. In either case, I'd drop them earlier if I met someone else who was more sure of what they wanted...
Pasttense Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 If the dates are enjoyable and the person is very desirable to you; why not continue indefinitely? But you should be multi-dating in case a better option comes along.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Generally, I've always asked that question prior to any dating request, in the case of OLD, or on the first date if IRL. IME, a confused mind generally says 'no', so I don't continue with apparently confused people.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Generally, I've always asked that question prior to any dating request, in the case of OLD, or on the first date if IRL. IME, a confused mind generally says 'no', so I don't continue with apparently confused people. Have you ever done OLD? I really can't see in any practical sense people knowing that before they at least meet in person at least once. OLD = multi dating. This is where dating is breaking new ground and we are defining new rules for good and often bad.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 OLD = on line dating I was 'doing' it in 1995. I met my now exW online about 12 years ago. I'm familiar with it, yeah.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 OLD = on line dating I was 'doing' it in 1995. I met my now exW online about 12 years ago. I'm familiar with it, yeah. and she knew what she wanted before meeting you in person? wanted to only date you? I think 12 years later, that is not what I've seen or heard, and I think people place a lot less emphasis on that first date and where you two are going in online dating. In real life, by the time you get to a date, I find it has much more meaning esp. if you know that person. I'm not passing judgement, just my observations - like yours.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 In my exW's case, she was dating others, or so she told me, but discontinued shortly after our first date, which occurred about a month after the 'getting to know' process started, mainly due to LD and the attendant logistics. She was very clear about what she wanted and even showed me a 'list' in person. Two failed M's and some counseling were evidently the impetus for her apparent 'style' at the time. Most of the OLD dates I went on prior to meeting her were pretty similar. Some online and phone 'getting to know', then a first and perhaps subsequent dates. The two ladies I met and dated while separated were similar, though neither of those dynamics progressed to sex. Perhaps it's age/generation- related, IDK.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 In my exW's case, she was dating others, or so she told me, but discontinued shortly after our first date, which occurred about a month after the 'getting to know' process started, mainly due to LD and the attendant logistics. She was very clear about what she wanted and even showed me a 'list' in person. Two failed M's and some counseling were evidently the impetus for her apparent 'style' at the time. Most of the OLD dates I went on prior to meeting her were pretty similar. Some online and phone 'getting to know', then a first and perhaps subsequent dates. Right, the original post was meant to mean they didn't know what they wanted in terms of who to date, not what they wanted in general. I thought you were against anyone who multi dated or is this now a new idea since you ex. My sense is like your exW about a month after the 'getting to know' you process started is about right to focus on one person.
grkBoy Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 How long would you date a guy/woman before giving up on her when she says she is not sure what she wants. I usually "give up" immediately when I hear that. For me, those words "I don't know what I want" is Womanese for "I think you're a wonderful man and look great on paper, but I wish you came packaged as the hot guy who won't commit to me or anyone. For now I'll keep you on the side and see if I can land such a guy in a month, and commit to you if I can't." I agree on not putting your eggs into one basket though. If we seem to click very very well, but she's Little Ms Unsure, I'll keep my options open if dating her is still fun and things physically seem to be going well (intimacy). However, I only would commit if I see her make a real decision and stick with it. Usually though these girls either dump me and chase a douchebag that falls apart a month or two later, or they get back with their ex. Experience has shown me the "I don't know what I want" is just her simply saying you don't excite her hormones enough to choose you, despite that her conscience is telling her otherwise.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I usually "give up" immediately when I hear that. For me, those words is Womanese for I agree on not putting your eggs into one basket though. If we seem to click very very well, but she's Little Ms Unsure, I'll keep my options open if dating her is still fun and things physically seem to be going well (intimacy). However, I only would commit if I see her make a real decision and stick with it. Usually though these girls either dump me and chase a douchebag that falls apart a month or two later, or they get back with their ex. Experience has shown me the "I don't know what I want" is just her simply saying you don't excite her hormones enough to choose you, despite that her conscience is telling her otherwise. so then given this experience why not dump her rather than wait for her to dump you?
Recommended Posts