Is giving your cell phone number to random women online, or in person cheating?

[Bobbix3]

Well, right now I am at a loss. I am not sure what to make of what my husband is doing. Last night, I found out he gave his number out to a woman he met on a chat site. He said that it was just easier to to text than to use the site. That he and this woman share a common interest. That going online gives him something to do when he is stuck at work doing nothing for hours on end. I don't really have a problem with him going online and chatting. But I happen to believe to give out your number to someone you don't know is wrong and hurtful somehow. I am still trying to figure out exactly why, but it feels like he kicked me in the stomach.

I probably would have never known, you see, he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for her. Then he immediatly called me to say that before I get all upset that its just a friend and he was just talking to her about anime.

I guess first off I think that its wrong that it even crossed his mind to give out his number at all. Second, this whole thing is telling me that he is bored, and needs someone else to fill the void because I am just not doing it for him. I don't mind friends, I am all for that. This however just feels wrong. Is it wrong? or am I just way to uptight? I don't know anymore

[Owl]

It may not be "cheating"...but if it makes you uncomfortable, the two of you need to discuss this and come to some kind of understanding on what is and is not acceptable in your marriage.

[CarrieT]

Ask for full disclosure -- before he has a chance to delete whatever chats exist - and to read what they have been saying to each other.

 

If he won't share, than he obviously has something to hide and that is the precursor to cheating.

 

If he is open and honest about his "common interest" and hands you the phone saying, "Of course, darling, you can read everything I am saying to this woman you don't know," then you have nothing to worry about.

 

 

I'd be willing to put down $100 that he will not let you read his conversations...

[MissBee]

Well, right now I am at a loss. I am not sure what to make of what my husband is doing. Last night, I found out he gave his number out to a woman he met on a chat site. He said that it was just easier to to text than to use the site. That he and this woman share a common interest. That going online gives him something to do when he is stuck at work doing nothing for hours on end. I don't really have a problem with him going online and chatting. But I happen to believe to give out your number to someone you don't know is wrong and hurtful somehow. I am still trying to figure out exactly why, but it feels like he kicked me in the stomach.

I probably would have never known, you see, he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for her. Then he immediatly called me to say that before I get all upset that its just a friend and he was just talking to her about anime.

I guess first off I think that its wrong that it even crossed his mind to give out his number at all. Second, this whole thing is telling me that he is bored, and needs someone else to fill the void because I am just not doing it for him. I don't mind friends, I am all for that. This however just feels wrong. Is it wrong? or am I just way to uptight? I don't know anymore

 

Your husband is doing something to make you feel uncomfortable and seems not to care...that's the point. Why give your partner ANYTHING to be suspicious or insecure about? Once you've started doing that (as I mentioned in another thread on snooping) you're already doing something wrong, regardless of if you're really cheating or not.

 

People have to be in relationships with people who respect them and THEIR values. If him giving his number out to women is wrong in your eyes, then it should be something he doesn't do, for the sake of your relationship and for making you feel secure and happy (which should be a spouse's goal IMO).

 

I find that when one has to question whether or not something is cheating, it is definitely questionable and inappropriate at the least!

 

I would be highly upset and find it inappropriate for my husband to meet women on chat sites and send them texts and worst yet accidentally text me instead of her and then call to say it's just a friend...how you've explained it sounds like he could care less how you feel and like he is also bullshyyting. I also would never do that when in a relationship. Who makes friends on chat sites, of the opposite sex, especially when married?

 

Married people need to have outside friends and interests...of course! However, transparency makes all the difference. When I am in a relationship, first off, I don't go out seeking male friends. All my male friends are people I know through some mutual activity and not men I seek out online. I also make sure that my partner is aware of these people so that he doesn't feel like I am doing something questionable. They are often introduced and I am introduced to his friends, female and males alike. There is an effort made to keep everything above board, kosher and transparent so that there is no cause for worry or wonder and if my S/O has a problem with some interaction, I would prioritize his feelings (unless it was absolutely absurd) and change the interaction so that he feels secure. Real friends (those of the opposite sex particularly) also understand this and usually try to be accommodating and respectful of their friends' relationships.

Edited October 11, 2011 by MissBee

[mzdolphin]

May not be cheating, but it's dangerous and stupid. Probably a symptom of a more serious issue.

 

He may be hooking up with random people online.