StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Have felt sick and tired all day...what does this mean
TheDovic Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 What exactly did he say? Was this a text or in person? Did he admit he was wrong / wants to change?
immitable Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 it means you have been brainstorming all day about whether to give him another chance or not. We seem to want things we can't have and like in your case now that you can poossibly have him you begin to wonder if that is really what you want. Like I said take time to make the right decision and be a good listener don't let the red flags out of sight. I read in a book that if couples really want to make things work, as in a second chance they need to identify the problems, write them down mutually and go from there trying not to let the mistakes happen again,.
Author StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 He wants us to get back together. He apologised for evruthing and said he had been stupid. We kissed but i said we have to take things slow
Zabs Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Our Stella\! STUPID doesn't come close! Get him to elaborate.... I don't rem whether you have children or not...but I do. I I want me SOn to learn...I don't just get him to say sorry...I get him to think about WHY he is sorry, HOW it made me feel. DO the same. Zabs xx
TheDovic Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Hey Stella. As you said, take it slow. Your old relationship is over so treat this as a completely new one! Ps, congrats because we know how much you have suffered. I hope you still visit us from time to time. Plus thanks for giving us a success story
wilsonx Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Doormat , do you want to be one? You're on the path to becoming one
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 He wants us to get back together. He apologised for evruthing and said he had been stupid. We kissed but i said we have to take things slow When someone can up and leave you at a drop of a hat, I would seriously be very cautious because he will/may do it again. Where was his loyalty and care for you when he left you like that? It was non-existent. When someone does it to you once, trust that it's in their nature to do it again. It's one thing if he was open, loving and kind to you and expressed his need to leave the R based on issues he was facing or dealing with and he came back with reasons why he's sorry and why he was emotionally detached and how he wants to move forward. Just saying he is sorry for everything and was stupid, is something a 10 year old can concoct. Meaningless.
Author StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 So are people thinking it is not a gd idea to get back together
Zabs Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I say what I mean r kid...we can only advise and each opinion belongs to specific people...we are all shaped by experiences and that is why there is so much difference in postings... I understand your frustration...but ultimately...you will do what YOU want to do irrespective of other well intended advice. Your hesitancy tells me that you need to consider...If in doubt...do nowt (an old Lancashire saying!) Take time Z x
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Just remember he up and left you, in a cold manner. I would be very cautious about his intentions. The lack of loyalty and care for you is concerning.
Zabs Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Our Stella...one thing about me is I would suggest to another what I would be unprepared to do myself (with exceptions) but in your case...I would chill... You appear to be so scared that if you do not make the right decision, you will lose him....I would be more bothered about losing that part of myself that gives me the backbone to be confident and the person I am. Who are we if we do not have a voice or opinion? We are sheep or in current terms "We are BORG" Do you want to be a follower or a leader? Do you want to learn to trust your own instincts rather than heart..These things can be learned Stella...but you just seem so keen to get to the end... I fear youwill be back on this board..on this section within weeks if you are not careful... Look at it this way...you have been through enough pain already...extending the anguish for a short time longer to get a better result is worth that isn't it? And if not, aren't YOU worth it? Consider our Stella...Consider Zx
fetish1980 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 When someone can up and leave you at a drop of a hat, I would seriously be very cautious because he will/may do it again. Where was his loyalty and care for you when he left you like that? It was non-existent. When someone does it to you once, trust that it's in their nature to do it again. It's one thing if he was open, loving and kind to you and expressed his need to leave the R based on issues he was facing or dealing with and he came back with reasons why he's sorry and why he was emotionally detached and how he wants to move forward. Just saying he is sorry for everything and was stupid, is something a 10 year old can concoct. Meaningless. Exactly. People do not change and will more than likely repeat the same behavior. Very good point geegirl, thanks for posting this. BTW, you're looking pretty naked without an avatar. I'm not used to seeing your name without one. fetish
Author StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I wish I did have a back bone! I just don't know what was better....being dumped or now having to make a decision
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Very good point geegirl, thanks for posting this. BTW, you're looking pretty naked without an avatar. I'm not used to seeing your name without one. fetish Welcome Fetish! Yeah, need to put one up. I just keep changing my mind all the time!
M2155 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I know some people have to be burned a number of times before they learn not to touch the stove... My relationship was nothing like yours, my ex was in love with someone else so "getting him back" I slowly realized was unrealistic. Fortunately, I'm not even sure I like him anymore and NC has helped break my connection toward him. Anyway, it may or may not help, but I can tell you two things that helped me with NC, aside from reading and posting on this board (cause you don't want to disappoint the LS readers:p): I put a countdown on my bathroom mirror w/ a dry erase marker. I wanted to go 75 days NC, just as a personal challenge, maybe you can start lower. Its a slight sense of accomplishment to know you've made another day. I think I'm near day 30 (left to go) but I'm starting to slack off on updating it, which is great. You will get stronger as you see the number going down. I have a draft email/letter to my ex, what I would say IF I ran into him or if he contacted me. Every few days I go back and edit it. It gets shorter and shorter and less and less emotional as the weeks go by. Earlier on I would be writing it in tears and then the next time I go back to edit, I think how glad I am I didn't say that to him. How weak it sounded. You HAVE to get your feelings out and you will grieve for a long time. But you can't do it with him. You have to break away. You have to start believing you deserve better.
Author StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Do you not think it can work with an ex?
SoulFinger Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I know that it's nice and great to have the one you love so much back in your life.But if I were you I would be cautious..you set the rules..you set the pace and try and take it really easy do not let yourself get lost in the moment. He was the one that left you..now you take control of the situation..go girl get a grip and think really well and don't make any hasty decisions.Good luck:)
Mar1neOne Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I wish I did have a back bone! I just don't know what was better....being dumped or now having to make a decision Honestly it is being dumped. The decision sucks!
Author StellaA Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 It really does suck! I want to be with him...just scared
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