artstudent Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I decided that I couldn't stay an OW for younger man that has a powerful gf that he's in awe of. He assured me that she wasn't on FB so when I was annoyed that he posted on my friends wall after defriending me (for work reasona - ha) I put a slightly snide comment which I removed but she picked up on. Although he actually text me more when I had decided to remove the sexual side, I only knew about her being suspicious when I text to see him and he said that he was upset and our friendship had damaged a relationship and he had removed my phone number. Infact he sounded like a married man although only the week before he discussed eroticism with me and said he wasnt 'spoken for' and could say what he wanted even if he were. Intellectually I know that he's a mess I need to leave behind, but emotionally I am grieving as I found it already difficult to 'downgrade' the affair. He came back to me after splitting when I became emotional in the spring but he came back to me when I text aftera few weeks. I wonder if he will this time. For some ungodly reason I want him somewhere in my life although it is madness.
MissBee Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Step away from the madness... I know it is easier said than done but there is no "downgrading"....it's either you're in the affair or NOT and if not...you're not friends either. Trying to still be "friends" is a futile venture...read the stories here. Not only in As but all romantic relationships that end (especially when one or both don't want it to end) ---the friend masquerade is pulled and it often fails horribly. You need to give yourself time and space to get over him and being "friends" doesn't help the situation....No Contact is advised. It's not an easy thing, believe me, it will feel like withdrawal and will make you even more frantic to reach out to this person and you will grieve...but it IS normal and overtime you will get over it and retain some dignity versus prolonging what you've called "madness".
missy268 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 What you are feeling right now, i am too! so you are not alone I spent the other Saturday night in floods of tears, feeling angry, wanting him here with me - it was awful - it is like im greiving and you know something that is very normal! Im on day 17 of no contact now - its been really hard - ive written messages out to him, but not sent them, so in the end i deleted his number so the temptation to actually send them, is now not there! I keep hoping he is going to come back - ive not seen him for 3 weeks and the space has done me good, i actually go to sleep at night instead of lying awake all night thinking about all the things hes done, and is not doing...im getting on with my life better - and you do, you start to cope, and get over it! Im not saying after 3 weeks of not seeing him and 17 days of NC im over what happened as it was going on for a long time, but ill get there and so will you, i want him in my life, but i dont need him there - starting to realise im worth more than what he gave me! Being friends really doesnt help - you need to go cold turkey!! you will probably read these replies and think Nooooo i cant do that - i know i did! and you can do it, honestly! Think about you! xx
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