BeeBexter Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 Has anyone noticed that there are roughly two groups of people out there, when it comes to romantic relationships? The first group (the majority of people) spend most of their adult lives coupling up with various partners. The second group (the minority) are rarely in a relationship. With this second group, I'm not talking about the nerds or weirdos who live on the fringe of society. I'm talking about the cute girl at work who has lots of friends but never a boyfriend, or that outgoing guy at the gym who has never been in a long term relationship. I am 28 years old, and have only ever had one boyfriend (we went out for about a year). I am an attractive lawyer with a busy social life and lots of friends. I get asked out quite a lot, but I have just never been interested in "dating." When I met my ex I knew he would be worth my time, and it was a truly wonderful relationship. But apart from him, I have never met anyone who sparked enough interest to continue seeing. A lot of my friends are serial daters - they always seem to have a man on their arm. Sometimes it works out, mostly it doesn't. What I've never understood is going out with someone for the sake of it; holding onto a crap relationship because you're scared of being alone. I revel in my single freedom. Although it can get lonely I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a bad relationship. I would love to meet my soulmate; I just don't want to be kissing a hundred toads before I meet him. I don't know ... perhaps I am just selfish, or scared of sharing and compromise? I guess I am just trying to dispel the Bridget Jones' stereotype - the myth that unless you're in a relationship, there's something wrong with you. What do you think?
shamen Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I don't think that it's a bad thing to be alone! I'm quite enjoying it at the moment. People these days stay single longer (unmarried) than they ever have in the USA. I'm 35 years old and consider myself sort of a "serial monogamist." Yeah, I've had men ask me to marry them, but I'm really not all that into the idea of it. I guess that I've kissed my fair share of frogs and I don't mind it this way. Definitely not into the idea of dating right now, but I'm just out of a long relationship. One of my better friends though is very much of the same opinion as yourself... she does not feel the need to date anyone unless she feels that he's a real potential. She's beautiful too; she has guys ask her out fairly regularly as well. So no, you're not the only one out there who feels this way. To be honest, when I first started getting to know her, I thought it a tad strange. But now, I can see the wisdom in her (and your) way. Why bother wasting so much time with frogs? At the same time, however, how do you ever get to know the person without dating them? You can always be friends with them first, but then that puts you into the category of figuring out where this friendship is going to go.
moimeme Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 Bee - I have just never been interested in "dating." I'm exactly the same. However, I'm not quirky I have never met anyone who sparked enough interest to continue seeing. I'm the same way exactly. Well, I've had a few more bfs, but way less than most people my age. A lot of my friends are serial daters - they always seem to have a man on their arm. Sometimes it works out, mostly it doesn't. What I've never understood is going out with someone for the sake of it And the thing I really don't get and was pondering today is whether it is really that easy for people to switch partners as fast as they seem to? I've seen posters here bemoaning their aching hearts on having been broken up with - and a couple weeks later they're dating and in bliss again!!!! I don't know ... perhaps I am just selfish, or scared of sharing and compromise? I guess I am just trying to dispel the Bridget Jones' stereotype - the myth that unless you're in a relationship, there's something wrong with you. What do you think? I think that the fellows who interest me are rare, and I'll not settle for other than the ones who interest me (I've tried it - mistake!), and that I can't just go out and find another one every couple of months. So no, I am more inclined to wonder about people who can manage to try out someone new every once in a short while. You can always be friends with them first, but then that puts you into the category of figuring out where this friendship is going to go. Oh, true enough, but having a great friend is way better than having a soso 'dating' relationship and sometimes friendships do grow into something more - if not, you still get to have a friend.
Thinkalot Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 Before I met my current partner, I was single for quite a while...and happy. I did not want to settle for a relationship, just so that I could have one. Better to live life the way I want to than do that! Plus, I am not like many people...I am an individual...I think too much, I'm smart,(sometimes too much) I don't party/drink etc, I love travel and the outdoors instead....and I'm into spirituality and other new age stuff...it kinda narrows the window. Luckily I've now found someone who suits me!
Curt Posted May 18, 2004 Moderators Posted May 18, 2004 See, I consider myself to be exactly the same way. I can't see any point in going out with a woman with whom I feel no "chemistry"... no passion ... no "je ne sais quoi" There have been precious few women that truly "light" my proverbial fire. I could have probably dated others, but... why? I guess I'm like Thinkalot ... more "spiritual" and romantic in my mind. I've got my faults too for sure, but maybe I'm generally too forthright and open for the "Dawinian dance" I guess . I'm still in the game though. Game troubles me sometimes - LOL - but then whadda ya do? Curt
Recommended Posts