orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I keep telling my FWB that it's over and he keeps texting at 2 am. I tried tellin him I'm about dating now and looking for something real and used the FWB for fun and a distraction. He does not stop asking. All comunication has been though text messages. So, again.. for the 3rd time, he is asking to come over tonight. I will agree and let him come over. I will offer him a drink and when he tries to get it on, I will simply say "I told you, I'm done with the benefits. We are friends now." It seems I have time waste his time to get him to understand. I think he needs to hear this face to face. This may be busting his balls but I'm sick of men not taking me seriously. What more does it take to get it though his head? I wouldn't mind at all just staying friends, but sex is making me lazy in dating. I don't try to find something more meaningful when I have a FWB. ok.. done venting. *bows and drops mic on floor*
Pasttense Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 It seems like you could simply tell him never again and then block all further text or phone messages--since he doesn't seem to understand.
Author orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 As far as I know, you can't block calls coming into a cell phone? Unless anyone knows how? In the past, I've ignored text msgs from him and he will try again soon. I don't want to change my number b/c I don't feel he is obsessive or anything. It's just annyoying when you finally tell someone you're done, and they don't take you serious. Even more so, when you and that person have never been serious. I did it in an adult and respectful way, and he is not taking me seriously. I feel like I have to put him on the spot, face to face to get him to understand.
thatone Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 that's why FWB arrangements are generally not a good idea. you can't control how the other person feels. and you really don't have the right to be upset with him, to be honest.
Author orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 that's why FWB arrangements are generally not a good idea. you can't control how the other person feels. and you really don't have the right to be upset with him, to be honest. I'm not upset by the way he feels because I know he does not want anything more. I respect that and I don't want a relationship with him. But, it's an arrangement and any person at anytime can call it off. That's the point of FWB. Getting calls late at night from a FWB that you've called things off with when you have to work in the morning (and they know this but do so anyways) is starting to piss me off. Maybe I'm too nice and need to be more bitchy? I don't like any "relationship," serious or not to end on bad terms.. I think I'm being too nice.
Pierre Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I'm sick of men not taking me seriously. What more does it take to get it though his head? I wouldn't mind at all just staying friends, but sex is making me lazy in dating. I don't try to find something more meaningful when I have a FWB. ok.. done venting. *bows and drops mic on floor* Women that are FWBs are generally not taken seriously by many men. If by any chance you start dating a nice man do not ever admit you were once a FWBs. The second thing you must do to be taken seriously is not to have sex right away. Sex to soon is a no no. As for your FWB: Does he understand English? Why does he insist if you said is over? Is he a psycho? Or does he think he can sweet talk you? In either situation you should not see him in your place and give him a drink. If you really do not want to f**** him you must not act like you want it.
Author orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Women that are FWBs are generally not taken seriously by many men. If by any chance you start dating a nice man do not ever admit you were once a FWBs. The second thing you must do to be taken seriously is not to have sex right away. Sex to soon is a no no. As for your FWB: Does he understand English? Why does he insist if you said is over? Is he a psycho? Or does he think he can sweet talk you? In either situation you should not see him in your place and give him a drink. If you really do not want to f**** him you must not act like you want it. This is my first FWB situation. Tried it for fun to be distracted by my breakup. I would never admit to a new guy about this. I admit, I had fun while it suited me, but it's just not for me anymore. I also agree there is nothing wrong with any woman doing it because it is fun and in the right situation, not stressful. Not stressful until now for me. He's not letting go b/c of the sex, and I'm letting go to find someone meaningful. No serious feeling between us. Maybe he thinks he can sweet talk me... I do know he is kind of dammaged from his ex. she cheated so I think FWB works for him b/c he can detach himself. Just my guess though. He did admit to having feelings when I called it off and I really think he only said that to keep me around for sex. But, I don't believe that at all. His actions do NOT show feelings. I think he just knows he's losing his sex buddy and does not like that. He's texting now to meet up. I will allow him to come over and will talk face to face.
Ms Right Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I could use a good FWB until I find the right guy.
Author orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I could use a good FWB until I find the right guy. It works with the right guy and it's very fun. But always remember, one of you will move one.
Author orion1010 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 dammit..there goes my chance to tell him how it is face to face. he was texting me, but not to come over. it was about his interests.. sports etc... just random stuff.. Frustrated.. wth is going on with this man?? I don't want a relationship with him but he's so frustrating.. blah...
Ms Right Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 dammit..there goes my chance to tell him how it is face to face. he was texting me, but not to come over. it was about his interests.. sports etc... just random stuff.. Frustrated.. wth is going on with this man?? I don't want a relationship with him but he's so frustrating.. blah... That sucks.
UpDownAllAround Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 What's so hard about texting him: Look, we had our fun but it's over. The friends with benefits situation is done. No means NO. Got it? I don't want friends with benefits, no relationship, no sex, nothing. Please stop contacting me about it. Sometimes you have to let the guy go and be prepared to threaten a restraining order because he's too stupid and dense to get what no means.
Ms Right Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 What's so hard about texting him: Look, we had our fun but it's over. The friends with benefits situation is done. No means NO. Got it? I don't want friends with benefits, no relationship, no sex, nothing. Please stop contacting me about it. Sometimes you have to let the guy go and be prepared to threaten a restraining order because he's too stupid and dense to get what no means. Well said.
Jynxx Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 If by any chance you start dating a nice man do not ever admit you were once a FWBs. The second thing you must do to be taken seriously is not to have sex right away. Sex to soon is a no no. Having sex with someone she doesn't even like that much, then making someone she likes suffer for weeks because she thinks that will make him stay in a relationship longer? That is just cruel and plain manipulative.
thatone Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Having sex with someone she doesn't even like that much, then making someone she likes suffer for weeks because she thinks that will make him stay in a relationship longer? That is just cruel and plain manipulative. and if you can be manipulative about that, you can then reason being manipulative about other things. see point above about FWB arrangements not being a good idea generally.
Jynxx Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) and if you can be manipulative about that, you can then reason being manipulative about other things. see point above about FWB arrangements not being a good idea generally. Wait what I'm not sure you understand my post. I said that people who resist sexual tension not because of principles or emotions but only with the goal of trying to get the other person in a relationship with them when they tend to give into sexual tension when the other person is not someone they would want to be in a relationship with are manipulative. In short: withholding sex out of strategic reasons is manipulative. Bad and manipulative behaviour should not be encouraged on a dating forum, that's why I called out Pierre. I didn't call out the post just because (as I think you're trying to say) someone behaving manipulative in one situation would be a red flag for her partner, but because it's morally wrong. I didnt judge FWB arrangements in general. Edited October 11, 2011 by Jynxx added some stuff
OCCDAVE Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I could use a good FWB until I find the right guy.you in chi jw
Pierre Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Bad and manipulative behaviour should not be encouraged on a dating forum, that's why I called out Pierre. I didn't call out the post just because (as I think you're trying to say) someone behaving manipulative in one situation would be a red flag for her partner, but because it's morally wrong. I didnt judge FWB arrangements in general. I have always been against sex too soon in any relationship. I also think that FWB is an abominable idea that men designed to make women feel good about themselves when they put out. I agree that women that put out right away for men that are not keepers and then take it VERY SLOW with nice men are manipulative. Imagine how it feels to be the man that is denied sex (for being Mr Right) and to then find out she freely has sex with other men that are complete losers. One would think that it should be the other way around.:D
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