ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 so- he left me for his ex & now im his little secret and i feel so disgusted by myself, but then i feel like i cant let him go either. like i lost myself so much that i am willing to do ANYTHING to keep him in my life, fwb, fb, bf, ANYTHING. we talk and see each other like 1-2x a week and i am so hurt that he's laying there with her, going to the movies with her, spending everyday with her, but i am still willing to sneak around just to see him!!!! After everything he has done to me and put me through, what the hell is wrong with me? i feel so pathetic and weak and emotionally drained. i am such a good woman, but i feel like jus giving up on everything.. its NEVER been this hard and i really honestly dont know what to do about it anymore =(
redblack66 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 so- he left me for his ex & now im his little secret and i feel so disgusted by myself, but then i feel like i cant let him go either. like i lost myself so much that i am willing to do ANYTHING to keep him in my life, fwb, fb, bf, ANYTHING. we talk and see each other like 1-2x a week and i am so hurt that he's laying there with her, going to the movies with her, spending everyday with her, but i am still willing to sneak around just to see him!!!! After everything he has done to me and put me through, what the hell is wrong with me? i feel so pathetic and weak and emotionally drained. i am such a good woman, but i feel like jus giving up on everything.. its NEVER been this hard and i really honestly dont know what to do about it anymore =( I feel you have some form of addiction. Work on yourself and get away from this.
EgoJoe Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Respect yourself, damnit. You deserve better. So demand better. How far will you let yourself fall before you decide to pick up the scraps of your self respect and begin piecing it back together. You're not a lubricated meat tunnel to be summoned at his beck and call. I'm being harsh for a reason. Wake the **** up.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 After everything he has done to me and put me through, what the hell is wrong with me? Unknown? When was the last time you were alone, as in having no one to attach your romantic feelings of love to? If it's been awhile, fear of that relative emptiness could be a factor. Pain and drama may be preferable to zero. In any event, my sympathies and best wishes for some healing.
antz2411 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 i would be more disgusted at the fact you cant let the person go
Author ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 its OK to be harsh, clearly i need it. i am disgusted at everything i am doing. it does feel like an addiction and i have NO IDEA how to fix it. i have never been needy, desperate, weak or pathetic before EVER. I was single for 2 years before being with him and we were together for almost a year. i don't have any self-respect left, no self-love, no anything. i feel empty, like the only reason i even continue to push on emotionally is my son. im not suicidal or anything, but i am very depressed, really depressed, but i am also good at hiding it. noone even knows what i am going through besides one girl, everyone else sees a smile on my face, when honestly i feel so sad, id rather lay in the bed all day! is the only way to build my self respect and everything back is to let him go?? i just want to be happy again and i feel like i wont without him!
antz2411 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 you need to get a hold of yourself man. if you cant do it for you do it for your son.
BLuvv Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Been there and was in in a fwb situation with my ex, but finally realized nothing at all from my ex is better than the crumbs he was throwing me. I struggle with depression too and im getting help for that. Just take care of yourself and forget about him. If you can fix your own problems you'll stop feeling so needy and realize he is only dragging you down. And I agree, if not for yourself, do it to be the best mom you can be. Im sure your son would rather see his mom happy! Good luck! B
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 You're addicted. Confusing it for love. Completely devoid of self-control. And most likely afraid of being alone so you'll settle for anything, something, nothing even if it's degrading to you. You can't let him go or you won't let him go. You don't just say you can't because you can, if you are disgusted and humiliated enough to want to remove yourself. You must not be disgusted enough to keep wanting to keep on feeling disgusted with yourself. You may be a good woman but what does it matter when you keep devaluing yourself. With no self respect for yourself, you're nothing. Get it back. Stop making excuses "i can't", "i feel so disgusted but", "what is wrong with me"...all words. What are you doing in action to reverse that? Therapy? Stopping yourself and thinking rationally before you react? Starting a support system that helps you control yourself when you have the urge i.e. a few good friends/family? Coming here and posting? Reading the advice and actually grasping it and applying it? What have you been doing aside from dropping everything and running to him when he needs a round of sex?
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 is the only way to build my self respect and everything back is to let him go?? i just want to be happy again and i feel like i wont without him! Do you even have to ask? If a man was doing this to your daughter, what would you tell her? That it's great for her self-esteem to be with a man that does this to her? If your son was treating a woman this way, would you tell him that he's doing a wonderful job at being a good man to her? You want to be happy again and you feel you won't without him? Are you happy now? NO. So, I guess being with him is not making you happy. Let's do the opposite. Suffer the withdrawal temporary and you'll be happy with yourself and being away from this. I bet you can be happier 20 different ways than being with a man that uses you for sex once a week. But if treating you like a piece of meat makes you happy, then you should continue being happy...or are you?
eleanorhurting Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I understand how you feel. I have been in a similar situation for a couple of months and I have tried and sometimes failed to end it. But you have to. The first thing you need to realize is that you NEED to get away from this. It will be tough but you will get better.
eleanorhurting Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 seriously quit your whining. what to do, shut up and do what he says. you deserve to be beaten you pathetic sod not nice! there is a difference between tough love and flat out cruelty
Author ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 RUSTY- youre an *******. KARMAS A BITCH, so use your words wisely! =) gee- im not happy at all, im flippin miserable in this situation. i feel hopeless, but i do need to find that strength somewhere and fast! yes, im all words no action. i was so strong and now i am not, well at least i think im not. i guess being strong and acting stupid are two different things entirely!! bluvv- yea, i think you are right. NOTHING is better than this. this is so degrading, reading what i wrote earlier makes me sad! antz- i know. the only good thing is i am able to hide this from my son because I only see him on the nights that i share custody with his dad. not that he hasnt seen me broken down before cause he has, but my son is what makes me happy, so when im with him, i dont go through crazy emotions. you all are SO RIGHT- ok, i was SO good at reading and applying and actually doing what i said i was going to when I first started out with this breakup and i fell off MISERABLY, but i am going to start fresh again tomorrow. i am 2 days NC already, so if nothing, that is a good start!!! i HAVE TO DO THIS, ive broken so many promises to myself for this man, i am going to start over again by at least respecting myself enough to not continue in this situation and begin on this long road of healing!!!
betterdeal Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Why does no-one know you're depressed? Why aren't you telling your friends and family about that?
Author ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 i think im typically such a strong person and nothing really affects me that they just dont notice. i dont cry in public, i dont talk about my problems all that much to anyone, im not overly emotional and everyone thinks i am over him.. i am going to be over him though, i promise!!
betterdeal Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I know you are. I do think telling your friends and family will help you get over him and, more importantly, get out of your depressed state. It was the best thing I did when I was severely depressed. I also think you may be reaching out to him because of your depressed state and, ironically, your continued engagement with him is feeding your depression. Depression isn't a sign of weakness - it's a sign that we've been too strong for too long. You need love, kindness and affection right now. Your friends, family, and professionals, are more likely to provide that than him.
geegirl Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 i think im typically such a strong person and nothing really affects me that they just dont notice. i dont cry in public, i dont talk about my problems all that much to anyone, im not overly emotional and everyone thinks i am over him.. i am going to be over him though, i promise!! This is the best time to pull all your resources together to help you pull yourself out of this. It is evident that you can't do it alone. What's the point in keeping up a facade when inside you wilting away? You'd rather suffer this alone then reach out because you feel that it will tarnish an image? A sign of strength is being able to ask for help when you need it. You need a support system to help get yourself out of this. You want to be over him? That's a first step. You want out. Now, write out a plan as to what you will do when he comes calling. Who will you call? Where will you find support? What will you do when you have the urge to respond? When will you seek therapy? It's like when we have go through a fire drill. We know what to do when there's danger. Write out your "fire drill". It seems that you lose all SELF-CONTROL with him and we can't have you doing that anymore. This time when he calls, go to your plan and rationally think and execute versus dropping all sense of reality and logic and running to him.
givepro Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Talk to everyone!! ive bored everyone i know over the past few weeks but talking helps. I dont think you should be so hard on yourself either-everyone who ha experianced heartbreak can remember the 'haunted' feeling-not being able to sit still, lie down, do anything. Try 300mg of st john's wort each day.
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