MooMoo22 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 For the past 5 months, my husband of 4 years has been posting ads on craigslist for women, couples, men ANYONE to come and have sex with him ANYWHERE. The only reason I found this out was that he lost his job because of one such ad where he asked for someone to meet him there to help him "kill time". At first he was denying it completely, saying it must have been someone who hacked into his account and put it up....I believed him...kinda...okay not really. I decided that while he was out, helping a friend, that i would log onto his laptop, and see what I could find. I found that his craigslist user name and password was saved, logged on and went to his posts...and there I found all the ads. there are over 20 ads that started from May up until the 5th of this Oct, this month. At first I was angry, called him and yelled at him over the phone, saying i wanted him home right away and I asked why he treated me like I was stupid. when he came home, he still tried to deny it! I was so angry! and hurt! and exhausted because I was yelling and crying. He finally broke down and admitted it, crying himself because he said he doesnt want to lose me. He says that he never met anyone, that the emails he got was only spam and porno websites...but I just dont know if I can trust him anymore. I dont know if I actually believe him. I dont know if I should. But I still love him...and that makes me feel so weak. I have been crying on and off for the last few days because of this. I'm embarassed, hurt, angry....I feel so betrayed that he would even think to do that. He is the only man I have ever been with, sexually and relationship wise. I just dont know what to do. Will I ever trust him again? How can I help him with this? How can I feel better about myself? I feel like I have a huge gaping hole in my chest, where its just empty.. He's my first love and my best friend...Who should I turn too now when my best friend is the one person I would normally talk too, but he is the one who caused my pain? Nothing gave me clues that this was coming, our sex life, our marriage life was great...or so I thought. I am so....angry, confused and hurt. Will this pain ever stop?
KathyM Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 For the past 5 months, my husband of 4 years has been posting ads on craigslist for women, couples, men ANYONE to come and have sex with him ANYWHERE. The only reason I found this out was that he lost his job because of one such ad where he asked for someone to meet him there to help him "kill time". At first he was denying it completely, saying it must have been someone who hacked into his account and put it up....I believed him...kinda...okay not really. I decided that while he was out, helping a friend, that i would log onto his laptop, and see what I could find. I found that his craigslist user name and password was saved, logged on and went to his posts...and there I found all the ads. there are over 20 ads that started from May up until the 5th of this Oct, this month. At first I was angry, called him and yelled at him over the phone, saying i wanted him home right away and I asked why he treated me like I was stupid. when he came home, he still tried to deny it! I was so angry! and hurt! and exhausted because I was yelling and crying. He finally broke down and admitted it, crying himself because he said he doesnt want to lose me. He says that he never met anyone, that the emails he got was only spam and porno websites...but I just dont know if I can trust him anymore. I dont know if I actually believe him. I dont know if I should. But I still love him...and that makes me feel so weak. I have been crying on and off for the last few days because of this. I'm embarassed, hurt, angry....I feel so betrayed that he would even think to do that. He is the only man I have ever been with, sexually and relationship wise. I just dont know what to do. Will I ever trust him again? How can I help him with this? How can I feel better about myself? I feel like I have a huge gaping hole in my chest, where its just empty.. He's my first love and my best friend...Who should I turn too now when my best friend is the one person I would normally talk too, but he is the one who caused my pain? Nothing gave me clues that this was coming, our sex life, our marriage life was great...or so I thought. I am so....angry, confused and hurt. Will this pain ever stop? I'm sorry you are going through this. This is not the first time I've heard of people screwing up their marriage over their "curiosity" generated from CL ads. People go on there for benign reasons, and see this personals section or women seeking men, or whathaveyou, and their curiosity leads them to place an ad or respond to an ad from there. I have heard that most of it is not real people, and just ads for porn websites, so it is possible that he never went through with meeting someone. With that said, I would, if I were you, look at the intent, even if he didn't actually meet someone--he wanted to and tried to. That, in itself, would constitute cheating in my book, and I'd throw the guy out. But if you are determined to keep the relationship intact, you're going to have to work to rebuild the trust that has been lost over this. If you intend to stay together, you'll need to see a marriage counselor to work through why your husband felt the need to place those ads, what was missing in his life/relationship that made him feel compelled to placed those ads, and how to reestablish trust, assuming he is genuinely remorseful and vows to never do such a thing again. Personally, I would not give him another chance. I would consider it cheating, even if he didn't actually meet up with someone. It is also possible that he did meet someone from there, but I doubt he would ever admit that to you. Some men believe they are entitled to have their cake and eat it too. They think they are entitled to have the nice wife and family and normal life, and also go after things outside their marriage. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you, but he has shown that he puts his desires ahead of you and your marriage, and he is willing to risk it for his own selfish activities. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'm sorry.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Welcome to LS Do you have children? Also, I assume (moomoo22) you're fairly young, perhaps early-mid 20's. Is that right?
Author MooMoo22 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 @ Kathy: thank you for your input. i thought that i would be able to leave if he ever did such a thing but its hard to do this once you let someone into your heart. and i do think hes really sorry, he has told me he is ashamed of what he did and for causing me so much pain. Welcome to LS Do you have children? Also, I assume (moomoo22) you're fairly young, perhaps early-mid 20's. Is that right? no children. and yes im 25 yrs old. but does age really have anything to do with this? i find that no matter what age, how long the marriage sometimes this happens.
carhill Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Age and life experience are relevant to how relationships are perceived and to what motivations there are for actions. For example, I've used Craigslist for nearly all of its existence. I sell stuff there and advertise my rental properties. Until I visited LS, I had no idea how 'busy' their personals areas were. Eye opener. I also know of plenty of marriages where it (the CL lies) doesn't happen. Obviously it didn't happen in mine since I was oblivious to it. That said, can every marriage be potentially impacted by such 'temptations'? Sure. It's up to the spouses how they handle such temptations. You related you have had, up to now, an apparently solid M and are quite happy. If so, and if love remains on both sides, this can be reconciled. What do you want to do?
Emme Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I am sorry for your pain. I know this is a hard time but you have to be strong. You must be strong. The first thing you have to do is take care of yourself and put yourself first. First thing you do is make a doctors appointment to get a full physical. Get tested for everything and also make an appoint for your husband as well (If you care to). If you truly care for your husband and don't want to desert him find him a counselor that deals with sex addicts. If you care do that for him. Don't do therapy together I think so soon. He has lots of issues he has to work out. Just reading that he placed ads to men as well says he has issues he has to work on. He can't have a relationship with you if he isn't happy with who he is. The one thing you must do is be honest with yourself. If you are not able to deal with this situation no one will blame you. If you have to walk away you do so. Best wishes.
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