mike588 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) I've read on here alot about the danger of dating someone who is emotionally damaged/has issues, etc. especially from Wilson (good advise) and that you should RUN if you discover your dating someone like that. Question is do these "damaged peope" seek other damaged people ??(misery loves company kinda thing). Alot of us dumpees here have discovered that the hard way including me, you all know my story,,, we were good to them, loved them and so on then they haul ass on us. Edited October 10, 2011 by mike588
wilsonx Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Your relationship wasn't toxic, stop reading into things too much, she just went back to her ex. A toxic relationship is where there is extreme push pulling, where one person wants a break, then comes back then the other breaks up then comes back then this cycle continues over and over again. Mack said a good quote which I stole from him, water seeks its own level. Its so true, most of these people are insecure, have low self esteem, and don't think they are good enough in general. Guess what type of people date them? You guessed it, insecure, people with low self esteem and thing they aren't good in general. My definition of GIGS type breakup involves 2 types of people, emotionally/physically broken people and caretakers - People that put others before themselves People that honestly say I do not want to be in a relationship anymore because I want to experience the world, I do not consider this GIGS. This is honest. They aren't relationship jumping, they aren't gaslighting and jumping into a new relationship within 2 months. The quickest way to move forward from this is to stop fearing rejection. You got rejected, oh well, line up the next set of girls and pick one. If you do not feel you have the confidence self esteem to do just that, then go fix that problem first take some time to yourself honestly. If you dont you will repeat the same mistakes and it will be a never ending cycle.
Author mike588 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Thanks Wilson, I knew I'd hear from you. Yea I know my ex. and I were not in a toxic relationship,, as you put it she simply went back to her ex. I assumed from other threads you posted that she's one of those "damaged" persons from going back to him for the 3rd time now and could'nt handle being treated well from me or anyone else. I don't intend this thread to be about my ex and I,,,, I've heard enough,said enough and learned enough and I'm making very very good progress thanks to you and others and by following N.C. My days of wanting/hoping she will come back are DONE!!! Seriously I find it so interesting to learn reasons why people do/act ways in relationships especially your thoughs on damaged people and to learn from my and others mistakes so they won't happen again. Thanks again.
redblack66 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I assumed from other threads you posted that she's one of those "damaged" persons from going back to him for the 3rd time now and could'nt handle being treated well from me or anyone else. This is amazing: how many times did she go to ex and how many times to you? I may have hope :p
Author mike588 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) This is amazing: how many times did she go to ex and how many times to you? I may have hope :p Before I met her she had gone back to him twice,, she's the one who did the breaking up. Left me just once,, this time. She's a joke You say you may still have hope? Give it some time and you will feel different. Edited October 10, 2011 by mike588
Feelin Frisky Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Relationships aren't toxic--people are toxic to relationships. If both a cracked in the head, it might actually work out. But when one person is logical and tries to cope with logic and the other party just makes up the rules to suit them, then the person of logic becomes a victim of toxicity where the logic itself is the seat of insanity. Who dumps whom is only relevant to the persons involved. I dumped my ex and should have earlier--much earlier. Things went very bad but I think it would have been worse if I felt like I was dumped these years since then. But if there is this basic toxicity where the logical person can never be right, it's just a foregone conclusion that it will never work regardless of who leaves whom.
TheDovic Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I think you have a point Mike. Not to sound bigheaded or anything, but I've always got attention from girls, but continue to pick the ones who are damaged. I don't think I inherently know they're damaged initially but I definitely can tell if they're not confident and shy. My ex who just dumped me is extremely shy, insecure and has other well documented issues. On the night I first kissed her I was on a date with another girl who is absolutely stunning, but because she was confident I wasn't interested. I think this is down to my own self esteem being so low that I pick girls who I don't think will leave me (hasn't worked out that way lol) My ex before this was the same. Very pretty but a loner and I soon found out is someone who is very depressed and who self harms on a daily basis. Funny, I was out on Saturday night too and was getting a lot of attention from the two girls who were easily the prettiest ladies in the club I was at, but I had no interest in them at all. I did spot an average looking girl who looked a bit shy and vulnerable however, and I was immediately hooked. I stopped myself from talking to her though because I really need to break this pattern!!!
redblack66 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Before I met her she had gone back to him twice,, she's the one who did the breaking up. Left me just once,, this time. She's a joke You say you may still have hope? Give it some time and you will feel different. This is a real joke. You want a solid person next to you. This is not a high school game, but something called life. Well, I think she went back, but not sure, to ex boyfriend. So, she went only once, so not bad. She cannot jump at once as her daughter may get hurt if things don't work out (she was hurt once), and nobody likes him, friends and parents. In addition, her ex husband is just waiting for a reason to fight for custody, and mother flipping boyfriends like a coin could be a reason for him to go ahead. So she must be 100% sure. However, I am not waiting. I am in the dating scene. However, not jumping into any relationships, taking things VERY slow. It has been killing, rough 3 weeks, but good news is I lost 16lbs, which was excess weight. I have always been fit.
Author mike588 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I think you have a point Mike. Not to sound bigheaded or anything, but I've always got attention from girls, but continue to pick the ones who are damaged. I don't think I inherently know they're damaged initially but I definitely can tell if they're not confident and shy. My ex who just dumped me is extremely shy, insecure and has other well documented issues. On the night I first kissed her I was on a date with another girl who is absolutely stunning, but because she was confident I wasn't interested. I think this is down to my own self esteem being so low that I pick girls who I don't think will leave me (hasn't worked out that way lol) My ex before this was the same. Very pretty but a loner and I soon found out is someone who is very depressed and who self harms on a daily basis. Funny, I was out on Saturday night too and was getting a lot of attention from the two girls who were easily the prettiest ladies in the club I was at, but I had no interest in them at all. I did spot an average looking girl who looked a bit shy and vulnerable however, and I was immediately hooked. I stopped myself from talking to her though because I really need to break this pattern!!! That was good! I've been there too,shy away from the hotties (guess my self esteem is low too) and look for the average but cute/attractive ones also thinking their the ones who wont leave.
TheDovic Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 That was good! I've been there too,shy away from the hotties (guess my self esteem is low too) and look for the average but cute/attractive ones also thinking their the ones who wont leave. Thinks it's time for a change in tactics dude. Lets get what we deserve
marqueemoon4 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) wow, this exactly what I did too.. I picked a girl was way younger and not near my level (pretty though) because she needed/wanted me so much for so long I didn't think she'd ever abandon me. I took advantage of this and put myself first before her and my son because she let me do whatever I wanted and didnt say anything. Eventually she got fed up and was cheating on me, and planned her way out, lying about everything. Of course she jumped headfirst into another codependent relationship. She says she is "happy". My life is in ruins because of it. NEVER SETTLE. Edited October 11, 2011 by marqueemoon4
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