bartleby Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Hi all. I've been in a five-year relationship (live in) that is actually really good, comfortable, and drama-free except for two things: (1) She quit her job three years ago to pursue her art full time and has had no income since then. Last year she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder and now believes she can't hold down a job, so we're waiting on disability to come through (or not). Meanwhile, I am supporting us and am broke all the time... (2) I have not been attracted to her in several years, though I love her and think she is a wonderful person. My big issue is that she never really asked me if I minded supporting her and paying for her health insurance, and doesn't seem to be bothered when I tell her I am at the end of my rope, financially. We are not married, and yet I feel obligated to stay with her because she has basically nothing. I just don't know what to do, but I feel trapped and anxious all the time. Any advice is appreciated.
Shiloh 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Hi all. I've been in a five-year relationship (live in) that is actually really good, comfortable, and drama-free except for two things: (1) She quit her job three years ago to pursue her art full time and has had no income since then. Last year she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder and now believes she can't hold down a job, so we're waiting on disability to come through (or not). Meanwhile, I am supporting us and am broke all the time... (2) I have not been attracted to her in several years, though I love her and think she is a wonderful person. My big issue is that she never really asked me if I minded supporting her and paying for her health insurance, and doesn't seem to be bothered when I tell her I am at the end of my rope, financially. We are not married, and yet I feel obligated to stay with her because she has basically nothing. I just don't know what to do, but I feel trapped and anxious all the time. Any advice is appreciated. As harsh as this may seem, if you're not married you don't have any obligation to her. But it sounds like you want to continue to help her. Given the very high likelihood of continued delays in determing whether disability will come through - try to set some short-term limits financially on what you will or won't pay for when it comes to her needs. Then make a plan on how you'll split expenses once the disbility comes through. And stick to the plan. Then make a plan for yourself if the disability is denied - would the relationship be worth the financial burden if this happens?
tbaby100 Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 would the relationship be worth the financial burden if this happens? Let me start off by saying that the above quote is disgusting! Choosing to be in your relationship should be based on the way you feel towards your GF. If you no longer find her attractive I am sorry to say will not change and if you are not attracted to your partner there is no future for the relationship. It is over. But with if the loss of attraction was not the case, I do not know whether she is truly incapable of any type of work or not but if you were diagnosed with a disease how would you feel if someone that claimed to love you left you because they felt the relationship was not worth the burden! If she is truly ill, and this has all just kinda surfaced because of that I do hope that you never have a car accident get cancer or any other disease out of your control that alters your ability to function as a normal healthy individual because you will expect people to be there for you and how would you feel if their love was weighed on a scale of how much of a burden you would be. I assume that you once thought she was the one and with that is marriage whether it be legal ,common-law or a commitment before god "in sickness and health, richer or poorer, for better or worse" Looks like you were only interested in the Richer,Better and health aspect of a committed relationship.
primer Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 She sounds like a mooch. Get out of that relationship while you can. You can find a stable, independent woman that you won't have to support. Your relationship is drama-free because she does not have an opinion. She does not want to upset you because you are her meal ticket. You may have lost attraction to her because she is nothing but a burden to you. The fact that she basically has nothing is not your problem. Let her family worry about it. I may sound harsh, but it REALLY bothers me when women do this to men. It's like the woman thinks she is entitled to the princess lifestyle.
Mircea Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Hi all. I've been in a five-year relationship (live in) that is actually really good, comfortable, and drama-free except for two things: (1) She quit her job three years ago to pursue her art full time and has had no income since then. Last year she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder and now believes she can't hold down a job, so we're waiting on disability to come through (or not). Meanwhile, I am supporting us and am broke all the time... (2) I have not been attracted to her in several years, though I love her and think she is a wonderful person. My big issue is that she never really asked me if I minded supporting her and paying for her health insurance, and doesn't seem to be bothered when I tell her I am at the end of my rope, financially. We are not married, and yet I feel obligated to stay with her because she has basically nothing. I just don't know what to do, but I feel trapped and anxious all the time. Any advice is appreciated. 1 - auto-immune diseases are generally genetic from what i remember, which means that if you have kids with this woman ... you will curse them ... literally 2 - she basically finished you financially for 3yrs with no end in sight, except for the promise of disability from the state (... if you live in the US do you think the way the economy is means that she will get disability ? ... because i doubt it unless it's something very serious). 3 - when she gets the money, i'm willing to bet big money that ... you won't get a dime and you will be in a worse situation. See, look at a relationship as a 50:50 thing, ideally you don't want one partner to hold all of the cards, or for your to hold all the cards (not her). Right now, she has you in the palm of her hand by playing the victim and when her disability comes (in her name since you are not married or anything), she will get even more power in a relationship. Add to this the fact that the sex sucks ... Why are you staying in this ? Do you like punishment so much ? She has a family, she has friends ... you did your duty more so than needed and lost 5yrs of your life for it. Get out. PS: For 3 i forgot to add, there was an episode in Married with Children where Peggy got a job, and when she ended up bringing home some money, she considered her money to be her money and Al's money to be their money. Unfortunately, this is kinda the case in many relationships. ) That disability pay ... will be her money, not your money.
ErgoStep Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Your relationship is drama-free because she does not have an opinion. She does not want to upset you because you are her meal ticket. The flip side of this is, most women are feisty. They try to push you to a better job, ask you to do all sorts of little things. And more big things. If she's better off than you and has to support you, she'll make your life miserable.
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 And that's because they secretely want to go back to you dominating them. I think an amicable friendship between peers is what he's got now. There is social power, and there is financial power. He's got a financial problem now. The alternative is a (likely) social problem.
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