djdiablo Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 1. I am dating girl X. It's not serious yet. But it has a bit of potential for the long run. 20/80. 2. I have wanted girl Y for the last three years. We have recently emailed back and forth and seen each other once. It has been great. She has flaked out on me for the last three years never making a serious committment to giving us a chance. Recently, it's been going better... 3. Y sent me an email today re Facebook: So I couldn't help but notice just now that you're in a relationship... How do I reply? What I want to say is "I am dating X but it's not serious enough to not give us a serious try".What I also want to say is "So? You haven't shown any real interest in dating me?" How do I approach this?
verhrzn Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 By getting the heck over Y and stop letting her string you along, OR ending things with X because you're not serious about her and would happily leave her for Y. Seriously, don't you feel a bit guilty about the game you're playing on X... You haven't gotten over Y, and are keeping her around as a place holder while Y doesn't make a commitment to you and yet acts affronted when you show interest in someone else. Choose already.
KathyM Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 1. I am dating girl X. It's not serious yet. But it has a bit of potential for the long run. 20/80. 2. I have wanted girl Y for the last three years. We have recently emailed back and forth and seen each other once. It has been great. She has flaked out on me for the last three years never making a serious committment to giving us a chance. Recently, it's been going better... 3. Y sent me an email today re Facebook: So I couldn't help but notice just now that you're in a relationship... How do I reply? What I want to say is "I am dating X but it's not serious enough to not give us a serious try".What I also want to say is "So? You haven't shown any real interest in dating me?" How do I approach this? If it hasn't worked out in 3 years with Girl Y, it's time to give it up. And if you are not enamoured enough with Girl X that you would prefer to have Girl Y instead, I'd suggest giving up Girl X as well.
Author djdiablo Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Re X, I WANT something to happen, but our past is so bad that it is doubtful even if we're in a good place for the moment. Re Y, I WANT her and always have but she's wealthy (feeling of entitlement) and has a bad rep. The bad rep could be a consequence of the first fact. This is the email I was gonna write. All items are true 100%. Three reasons for this: 1. I am seeing someone with potential. You and I would not be talking if her and I were going steady. 2. I was in quite the damaging relationship a while back for quite some time and I am not looking unless it is someone special to me. Yeah, like you. 3. I’d rather have it as is to avoid msgs from flaky/crazy girls that want attention. The girl I'm seeing is not even on FB. Why are YOU wondering?
vsmini Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 In the past I have always been girl X. I'll start dating guy and the second it's made public all the old girls that friend-zoned his a$$ for the last 5 years come out of the woodwork and start flirting up a storm and act interested. FYI - Girl Y doesn't care...she just knows that the guy that is always available for an ego stroke whenever she wants it is now busy with something else. Girls like Y tend to not like that very much. I hate the Y's of the world.
B Champman Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 if your with X right now and like her then stay with it and see where it goes, post above is very true about Y. what you should do is say something to Y in a nice way like "yea ive been seeing X for this long and i like her, shes very nice and pretty" etc. making any sort of reference of distaste towards Y will just make her resent you. if she actually did have feelings for you and was interested, she would show it herself by knowing that your happy with someone else. her hearing that will bother her until she either A. speaks up about it B. disproves of X or C. stops talking to you alltogether. if shes simply just a friend who isnt interested in you than it wont be a big deal, shes merely asking, and if you make it a big deal before you know that it is one, your just going to look like an idiot and lose your friend.
Ariadne Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) .................. Edited October 10, 2011 by Ariadne
Author djdiablo Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 This is the final version of the msg. I'll sleep on it before I send it. An interesting message. I’ll be blunt. Three reasons for this: 1. I’ve been seeing a girl since August. She is a good woman and there is some potential but the relationship has more than its fair share of issues. 2. I was in quite the damaging relationship for quite some time a while back so I am not looking for something deep unless it is with someone dear to me that I can be myself with. Yeah, I mean you. 3. I’m planning to leave my status as is to avoid msgs from flaky/crazy girls that just want attention going forward. Girl I’m seeing is not even on my FB. All true. I will follow-up with you guys re what she says. I am quite curious.
fatalcharm Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Girl Y has been playing you and stringing you along for the past 3 years and will continue to do so. Girls like this like it when you are single and chasing them, although they don't really want to be with you. As soon as you are in a relationship they become more interested because they think to themselves "What? I thought that he liked me! Doesn't he like me anymore? I am going to find out!" and as soon as you ditch your new relationship for them, they start to loose interest. Think of it this way: You are stringing girl X along because you like her, but like girl Y more and are hoping for something more with her, but just incase it doesn't happen, you have girl X as a back up. Well that is what girl Y is doing to you. She likes you a little, and is stringing you along because even though she is hoping that someone else will come along, she wants to keep you as back-up. She wants you to continue to like her, just incase her other plans don't work out. Basically, what you are doing to girl X right now, is pretty much what girl Y is doing to you. Stringing you along, hoping for something else, but keeping you as back up. I personally think you should ditch girl Y, she doesn't deserve you're time. She has wasted enough. It has been 3 years now, and she needs to learn that you can't do that to people. As for girl X, you should give it a try with her, but honestly if girl X was here, I would tell her to ditch you and find someone who is really into her. Just because you have wanted girl Y for years and have only known girl X for a short amount of time, it doessn't mean that you will end up having the better relationship with girl Y in the future, or end up loving her more. You have had time to fantasise about girl Y and long for her, this makes feelings for someone more intense, but it doesn't mean that IF you finally get together, it will be a better relationship. Chances are, she will probably mess with your head a lot. Poor girl X has gotten the wrong end of the stick. You havent had time to fantasise and long for her, and she has been available to you. This means that your feelings for her are less intense, but it doesn't mean that they wont be intense in the future. You could have a very fulfilling relationship with girl X and so far she hasn't played games with you like girl Y. I am on girl X's side. She is the one who deserves your time, but do you deserve hers? Girl Y pisses me off. I bet you anything that as soon as you end it with girl X, girl Y's interest will start to fade.
Author djdiablo Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 All of you have given me very insightful posts and I do agree re pursuing X more seriously and cutting any thoughts re the girl that has been walking in and out of my life as if it was her backyard. I will do my best to stick to this decision.
fatalcharm Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 All of you have given me very insightful posts and I do agree re pursuing X more seriously and cutting any thoughts re the girl that has been walking in and out of my life as if it was her backyard. I will do my best to stick to this decision. Good to hear and good luck!
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