givepro Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I broke up with my b/f onn and off over the summer-i instigated it at the beginning, for a reaction. Wasnt playing mind games, just concerned over our lack of progress over 18 months and asked him if he felt the same. He fought to save it, we got back together but he changed. He had things to deal with-a big health scare, hating his job, frequently bursting into tears and one of his relatives is very ill. When I asked him to talk to me he admitted there was something wrong-he's not himself but said he would deal with it, that he has never spoken about problems before, etc. He alternated this with the fact that we always bickered so how could we have a future. Anyway, i think (maybe to make myself feel better) i made allowances because I thought he was depressed. What followed was a nightmare month where we'd communicate only through texts and an odd call. He had the upper hand. To cut a long story short, I gave him an ultimatum-we meet and talk or no contact (I didnt know it was a real method!) at all. I loved (and love) him desperately but the uncertainty (and humiliation)was tearing me to pieces. After I said this for 3rd time he agreed-said ok, we'll cut contact. That was 3 weeks ago, 6 weeks since I've seen him. My question is how do I know if I'm wallowing? I love him, I get comfort from the fact that we weren't unfaithful so he might contact me though i know this is unlikely. I know as hard as it is i won't contact him because i held the olive branch the 2 times previously and tried so hard to save what we had. The pain's not fading at all-I still cry every day and hardly sleep-it's so raw still. Am I doing this to myself-if so, how can I move on? Have joined dating websites, getting myself out there, but its all an act.
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