The Blue Pill Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I feel that my ex has a drinking problem. She's the kind of person who has no off switch. She will drink until she is beyond logic and reason. It's like communicating with a large toddler... A few things that have happened to her due to her drinking: Getting raped, throwing up in parking lots, bruised body parts, sliced foot, getting thrown into detox, flashing dudes in the men's room, aimlessly walking for miles at 3am, getting kicked out of bars, etc. Now her excuse is that she was in a 5yr relationship since she was 18 or so. So that means she missed out on the party stage of her life. My issue is that I'm past that in my life. I'm looking for someone who is DONE with the bar scene. My point to her is that adults in committed relationships shouldn't be going out to bars. Bars are where people go to hook up. Bars are a bad environment for regular people, let alone alcoholics. I've tried explaining to her that I need someone who's done with the bar scene. She is unwilling to quit drinking. She has, over the last few months, calmed down some. She doesn't get as drunk as she used to, but her friends are still concerned that she's too drunk to be driving (as per the texts she receives). She claims that she is always honest with me, and loves me, and wants me to trust her. What I want is for her to stop going to the bars and find something else to do with her friends. And if her friends can't have fun without a drink in hand, it's probably time for new friends. I just feel that we are on different levels in our life. I dumped her over 2 weeks ago. We've been talking/arguing since then. Should I ignore all of my doubt and worry and logic and take her back, banking on the fact that she loves me and cares about me, or should I go with my gut and not get back together with her, and find someone who's done with the bar?
EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Hey man. I think you need more time and space for yourself in order for your perspective to clear. It will help her in the long run anyways. You need to set a boundary and stick to it.
sillysmart Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Hey guy it sounds like you have come to the conclusion that she is either an Alcoholic or you want a change in your life. Look up the sight first aid mental health and find some resources for her to go get help. I do not know where you live but basically someone abusing or dependent on Alcohol will slowly but surely quit functioning in areas of there life on an over increasing basis. The fact that she slowed down a little bit is great but it probably is not going to be enough just because she loves you. Drugs and Alcohol in some sense are like the person is in a relationship wiht someone else and you. They cheat on you with the drug and will let you down in so many ways for the drug. It could be a long road ahead as it can be equated to a life long illness. Drug abusers often rationalize their problems and their tolerance for "normal" becomes distorted over time. They slowly begin making most decisions based on whether the situation or people etc will accomodate the drug use. I would say go talk to some people at Al Anon a few times and see what you may be in for. In some ways giving up on someone you love is so hard and you too will go through a kind of withdrawal. You will mourn the life you had with her. I would insist she get help and know what you are in for before deciding to commit to this relationship. Because she may never stop "the bar scene." She may appease you for a time but then go back. She needs to get help and it seems you may be someone who could encourage her to do so. Hope this helps.
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