GabbyGirl Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Well it's been almost three months since my affair has been over. It is taking more time to heal than I thought but it is getting easier. The anger has subsided but lately I have been feeling blue and missing my xMM. There is no way I would ever consider going back to him when he returns to town. I no longer trust him or would believe a word that comes out of this mouth. I miss the sex and the passion we shared. It was so good and no man has ever made me feel the way he did. I am in a sexless marriage and somehow have to figure out how to live without it. Having another affair is NOT an option for me. I do not feel guilty for cheating on my husband since he is the one who does not want sex, but I do feel terribly guilty for hurting him. He has forgiven me a long time ago. I am not really looking for answers since there is no magic potion to make the pain go away. Just needed to vent. I am slowly putting my life back together and my husband and I get along so much better. He even hugs and kisses me. Maybe we both realized what we could have lost.
MissBee Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Hi Gabby: So after all that, your husband isn't willing to meet your needs sexually? What are the terms of working on your marriage, if you don't mind sharing? Are you staying with him just because he or you just can't be bothered to move on, but with nothing really changing OR are you staying based on a new lease on life?
Author GabbyGirl Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 It would take too long to explain but no, he does not like sex and it is not an option in our marriage. Deep down I do love my husband. Sexually my xMM was fulfilling my needs sexually but when the rose colored glasses came off he was just a liar and user. So that's when I realized the grass is NOT greener on the other side. My husband and I have a good life together. We have been married 14 years. Yes I could leave but no relationship will be perfect. I had the best sex of my life with xMM but that was it. So maybe I am settling but I am not interested in being used and lied to again searching for someone new.
MissBee Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 It would take too long to explain but no, he does not like sex and it is not an option in our marriage. Deep down I do love my husband. Sexually my xMM was fulfilling my needs sexually but when the rose colored glasses came off he was just a liar and user. So that's when I realized the grass is NOT greener on the other side. My husband and I have a good life together. We have been married 14 years. Yes I could leave but no relationship will be perfect. I had the best sex of my life with xMM but that was it. So maybe I am settling but I am not interested in being used and lied to again searching for someone new. Okay I get you.... In another thread I said I have a problem with people saying "no relationship is perfect" as it usually follows some statement of them settling...and here it is. However, you're admitting it at least, so I suppose that's better? I do not know how sustainable that is (clearly, it wasn't for a while, or else you wouldn't have had the affair or be currently missing and thinking about sex with another). But if you decide to stay then you're just going to have to find ways to live with it..... I truly don't know what to tell you in that regard, as although sex is not the ultimate for me, it definitely is important and I would need that or at least need a man willing to find SOME WAY to accommodate me in that regard. I don't see how it would be possible to be committed and happy in a relationship indefinitely without that being addressed...
Author GabbyGirl Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Part of me still loves my xMM but I also know the relationship would never work long term. He would cheat on me too (I am pretty sure he did while we were together) and I will not stand for a relationship like that. Yeah I guess my life is a mess but who's life isn't? I feel if I did leave my husband and found someone new it would be a different problem. Like I said earlier...no relationship is going to be perfect. I don't believe Price Charming is out there and life is what you make of it. I wish I could forget about xMM and erase the past and the heartache. Once those feelings are resolved I feel I can give my husband 100% which is what he deserves. It was foolish of me to have an affair and I will always regret it.
RickFox Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Part of me still loves my xMM but I also know the relationship would never work long term. He would cheat on me too (I am pretty sure he did while we were together) and I will not stand for a relationship like that. Yeah I guess my life is a mess but who's life isn't? I feel if I did leave my husband and found someone new it would be a different problem. Like I said earlier...no relationship is going to be perfect. I don't believe Price Charming is out there and life is what you make of it. I wish I could forget about xMM and erase the past and the heartache. Once those feelings are resolved I feel I can give my husband 100% which is what he deserves. It was foolish of me to have an affair and I will always regret it. Welcome to the club. I'd venture to say many of us have that same feeling.
MissBee Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Part of me still loves my xMM but I also know the relationship would never work long term. He would cheat on me too (I am pretty sure he did while we were together) and I will not stand for a relationship like that. Yeah I guess my life is a mess but who's life isn't? I feel if I did leave my husband and found someone new it would be a different problem. Like I said earlier...no relationship is going to be perfect. I don't believe Price Charming is out there and life is what you make of it. I wish I could forget about xMM and erase the past and the heartache. Once those feelings are resolved I feel I can give my husband 100% which is what he deserves. It was foolish of me to have an affair and I will always regret it. You have pretty much accepted your situation for what is (while admitting your life is a mess)....soooo I mean there is nothing else to be said is there That's the life you've chosen as you said so make of it what you will. Goodluck!
18Years2Late Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Hi gabby, I'm in the same boat as you (sort of). Mine's actually a sinking ship. I'm also married and about 3 months since breaking it off for good. I really miss xMM too. At first I missed everything about him and the A. But similar to you, and strangely enough, I have also been thinking recently about how much I so miss the intimacy I had with xMM. I'm now angry enough to know I never want the rest, but I really do miss the intimacy. xMM and I were LDR so the sex was few and far between, but I realize now that intimacy is so much more than just sex. I guess that's both a good and bad outcome of my A. I also live in a sexless marriage, but unlike you, it's my choice. And unfortunately, it's becoming a deal breaker for me. How do you do it? I feel for you. I have a lot more to say on this but I think I'll start another thread about sex without intimacy as I'm sure we're not alone and I'll be interested to hear what others think on the subject. Hopefully you'll chime in on the other thread. Take care.
Author GabbyGirl Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 18years2late, Can I ask why you choose not to have sex with your husband? I am not sure how I made it 12 years with no sex. Finally something snapped in me. But I would go back knowing all the heartache that was to come. All we can do is move forward and learn from our mistakes.
18Years2Late Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 18years2late, Can I ask why you choose not to have sex with your husband? I am not sure how I made it 12 years with no sex. Finally something snapped in me. But I would go back knowing all the heartache that was to come. All we can do is move forward and learn from our mistakes. Hi again...I guess I missed the 12 years without part...Wow...of course I have 3 kids...so obviously I have had sex with my H...and never cheated before so they're his...my choice for almost no sex was recently...and never much before then...I just posted my other thread...it may explain more...
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